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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU DH's comment okay'ing me to have sex with PT

61 replies

Ginatfourpmisfine · 28/01/2017 21:22

I've moved my original message to AIBU for more traffic.

I'm happily married with a fairly healthy, normal sex life. Just joined a gym with a female friend and am having sessions with a Personal Trainer.

I was talking to DH about my last session and commented how both me and my friend think our PT is a good looking guy who could have any woman he wanted. DH then swiftly replies 'well I wouldn't mind if you wanted to shag him' with a shrug. Matter of fact. I told him I didn't want to have sex with anyone else and so on but was immediately pised off that he'd said it so matter of factory and in such a carefree way.

I keep thinking about his comment and I'm upset by it. I know it would be a massive turn on for him if it did actually happen but is this right? For my husband to be so nonchalant about this?

What's the general consensus? Am I being too sensitive? Or are all men like this??

OP posts:
VeryBitchyRestingFace · 28/01/2017 21:23

I was talking to DH about my last session and commented how both me and my friend think our PT is a good looking guy who could have any woman he wanted. DH then swiftly replies 'well I wouldn't mind if you wanted to shag him' with a shrug. Matter of fact.

Do you think it's possible he's got his eye on someone else?

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 28/01/2017 21:23

Do you think he expects you to grant him similar freedom?

Greta84 · 28/01/2017 21:24
Biscuit
londonrach · 28/01/2017 21:25

who's he got his eye on?

AndShesGone · 28/01/2017 21:25

Well I'd assume he'd already fucked someone else

LouBlue1507 · 28/01/2017 21:25

Why are you telling your DH how handsome another man that you're spending time with is and that he could have any woman he wanted Hmm
How would you feel if your DH said that about another woman?

missbishi · 28/01/2017 21:26

Hmm, how would you feel if DH came back from the gym one night and advised you that his new personal trainer was a very attractive woman who could have anyone she wants?

Trifleorbust · 28/01/2017 21:26

Was this a petulant 'I don't care' type remark or does he mean this?

missbishi · 28/01/2017 21:27

Oops, LouBlue, great minds and all that!

Original poster
Ginatfourpmisfine · 28/01/2017 21:28

Didn't even think of that but I guess that's possible. I just want confirmation that I'm ok to feel upset by what he said. And to think that what you've both said could be true is even more upsetting

OP posts:
cherryblossomcarpet · 28/01/2017 21:29

Why would you say that to him? Just why? What were you hoping to get from that?

I reckon he wan't impressed so was shutting down the conversation.

LucklessMonster · 28/01/2017 21:29

Both sides of that conversation sound odd, as others have said.

Unihorn · 28/01/2017 21:29

I don't think it's that odd but my husband and I have a pretty open approach to our marriage. I appreciate we are in the minority however.

Did you discuss his comment much after or did you just quietly seethe about it? This sort of thinking is best discussed as fully as possible.

LouBlue1507 · 28/01/2017 21:29

It would really upset me if my DP came home from the gym saying that! I'd be angry too!

edwinbear · 28/01/2017 21:31

Why do you think he would be turned on by you having sex with him?

RebelRogue · 28/01/2017 21:32

t. I know it would be a massive turn on for him

Is this a fantasy of his and said in such a context?

PickledCauliflower · 28/01/2017 21:32

It may have been a sarky response - to what you were saying to him about the PT.

He may have said it because he was pissed off?
I think it's a bit tactless when people tell their partners how gorgeous they think others are.

KatieScarlett · 28/01/2017 21:33

Sounds like he's sending a big F You re: your obvious fawning over the PT.

Bluntness100 · 28/01/2017 21:34

All round weird, you tell him you fancy your pt. he says shag him. You feel he'd be turned on by it, I mean seriously.,.,,eugh all round. And nope its not remotely normal.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 28/01/2017 21:35

Not everyone has the same boundaries within their relationship. My DH and I wouldn't comment on other people like that but I can think of a few couples that we're friends with who wouldn't think twice about commenting on someone they found attractive. It's really not that unusual.

OP, why do you think your DH would find it a turn on if you slept with another man? That seems a bit of a leap just based on this one blasé comment. Is there more to this?

Original poster
Ginatfourpmisfine · 28/01/2017 21:36

Sorry, I should have mentioned that while I was saying he was a good looking man I also stated that both my friend and I had said even if we were single we wouldn't go anywhere near him - way too much of ladies man. There is no way from what I said DH would have thought I was angling for permission to shag my PT!!

Trifle, it wasn't a petulant remark

OP posts:
edwinbear · 28/01/2017 21:37

I will add PT's are generally a very good looking lot, there are certainly some really attractive ones at my gym which brighten up my sessions no end, but I would never dream of mentioning this to anyone out of respect to my DH, least of all him.

Trifleorbust · 28/01/2017 21:37

Ginatfourpmisfine: He means it? Well then it doesn't really matter that your comment lacked tact. Something is seriously wrong there.

Bluntness100 · 28/01/2017 21:38

I've genuinely never met any man who could have any woman he wanted. I actually haven't. I'd have to be properly besotted and wanting out before I texted that shit to my husband.

ArgyMargy · 28/01/2017 21:38

So the PT could have any woman he wanted apart from you or your friend...?