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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU DH's comment okay'ing me to have sex with PT

61 replies

Ginatfourpmisfine · 28/01/2017 21:22

I've moved my original message to AIBU for more traffic.

I'm happily married with a fairly healthy, normal sex life. Just joined a gym with a female friend and am having sessions with a Personal Trainer.

I was talking to DH about my last session and commented how both me and my friend think our PT is a good looking guy who could have any woman he wanted. DH then swiftly replies 'well I wouldn't mind if you wanted to shag him' with a shrug. Matter of fact. I told him I didn't want to have sex with anyone else and so on but was immediately pised off that he'd said it so matter of factory and in such a carefree way.

I keep thinking about his comment and I'm upset by it. I know it would be a massive turn on for him if it did actually happen but is this right? For my husband to be so nonchalant about this?

What's the general consensus? Am I being too sensitive? Or are all men like this??

OP posts:

ArgyMargy · 28/01/2017 21:40

Bluntness no-one has mentioned texting

RebelRogue · 28/01/2017 21:43

Gina you haven't said why you think your husband would be turned on by this. Has he expressed this himself previously?

Original poster

Ginatfourpmisfine · 28/01/2017 21:44

DH would like to see me with another man. He says it quite a lot. I have told him it would never happen but I know he would like it to. Just because this is something he would like to happen doesn't mean I can't comment on people's looks! I'm just as likely to say how attractive a woman is (in context)

OP posts:

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 28/01/2017 21:45

I must be really weird as I took what he said as him saying he doesn't care/isn't interested in whether you find the PT physically attractive.

Especially given the bizarre conversation you started.

And what's with the 'could have anyone he wanted, apart from me' ?

If I was your hubby I'd be thinking there was a reason you were talking like that btw

RebelRogue · 28/01/2017 21:46

If it's a constant fantasy of his,that he continuously shares with you,it shouldn't come as a shock that when u start raving about how attractive a man is,he would jump to it. Sure you can be upset that he's serious,but it didn't come out of the blue.

Greta84 · 28/01/2017 21:46

MustBeLoopy390 · 28/01/2017 21:47

If you know it would be a turn on for him maybe this is his way of scoping out your interest. The only people who can decide if it's right or not are you and your dh, maybe having a blunt chat with him might be the best thing. Some couples are into swinging, some are not, neither are wrong.

edwinbear · 28/01/2017 21:47

Ah, now there is context it sounds like you've got his hopes up a bit OP that one of his fantasies is in the making!

OverTheGardenGate · 28/01/2017 21:48

Too much dripping here for me.

Unihorn · 28/01/2017 21:50

If you really aren't interested in carrying out this fantasy then you'd be wise to shut it down completely as soon as possible. You making that comment likely piqued his interest as he thought you may be considering partaking. If you're not interested then firmly discuss it, otherwise he is likely to make further comments and suggestions over time which could lead to problems.

SpongebobRoundPants · 28/01/2017 21:51

Over too much bs here for me!

GrandmaGotRunOverByAReindeer · 28/01/2017 21:52

I don't think the conversation is weird, me and my partner talk to each other like that aswell

Llanali · 28/01/2017 21:53

He said he wouldn't mind if you wanted to shag him. Not he wouldn't mind if you DID shag him.

I don't mind that my husband wants to shag Kelly brook. I would mind if he did shag Kelly brook. especially if he didn't invite me to join the party

scottishdiem · 28/01/2017 21:54

You opened the door to be honest. Its clear he has some kind of hot wife or cuckolding fantasy and you know about it. I dont think he has cheated on you, I think he wants to think and see you with other men.

If you dont, then just never go near that type of conversation. I dont know why you are upset to be honest. You know its something that interests him.

Trifleorbust · 28/01/2017 21:56

Right, well if you know your DH fantasises about you and another man, don't tell him how fit you think other men are, then he won't remind you that it is part of his fantasy and you won't get upset

Original poster

Ginatfourpmisfine · 28/01/2017 21:56

Edwin - Certainly didn't mean that to happen, at all.
There was more to the conversation I hasten to add, before anyone else comments on how weird the conversation was in the first place. But, I just didn't see it how others have seen it here!

OP posts:

GrandDesespoir · 28/01/2017 21:58

I just want confirmation that I'm ok to feel upset by what he said.

You don't need anyone's permission to feel upset. But I wouldn't want to know what's behind his comment, if the two of you don't have a pre-existing "understanding".

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 28/01/2017 21:58

Fantasy is one thing, reality is another.
Best not to give him fuel for his fire Gina, then perhaps you won't receive that kind of response from him.l

GrandDesespoir · 28/01/2017 22:03

Sorry - I would want to know.

lananzack · 28/01/2017 22:04

Just chipping in to second what a few ladies have already said, I don't find what you said to him weird. Me and exP were always very open in conversation if we found someone else attractive. No harm in that. Other people ARE attractive.. Doesn't mean you'd shag them!
What he said is definitely bizarre!

MajesticWhine · 28/01/2017 22:05

DH has a fantasy like this, we never indulged it in reality. Just a bit of bedroom talk. So it kind of all depends on the context in my opinion. The way you described it sounds a bit off but it might be lacking context.

38cody · 28/01/2017 22:10

I know it would be a massive turn on for him if it did actually happen

Really? I don't get that at all. My DH would chop me up and bury me on the heath! Ok, no he wouldn't, but he certainly would be devastated - not turned on by my being unfaithful.

I think you have a weird relationship tbh.

Original poster

Ginatfourpmisfine · 28/01/2017 22:14

DH knows it would never happen. I have implicitly told him that. The conversation was not in anyway a green light for him to say what he did. He knows that. Like I said, there was more to the conversation. A lot more.
Grand - I'm with you. Which is why I've posted on here.

OP posts:

Unihorn · 28/01/2017 22:16

38cody

It's not considered to be unfaithful if you have both agreed to it before? Abd I don't really think people are in a position to judge others' relationships.

MustBeLoopy390 · 28/01/2017 22:17

I'm with Unihorn, it's not hard to remember that not all relationships are the same and that doesn't mean they are 'weird'

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