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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not bail out husband from his mess

171 replies

Ohforcryingoutloud1 · 28/01/2017 10:13

DH is a self employed tradesman and trying really hard but work keeps on being unreliable and income erratic. I can't quite work out whether he's really unlucky or something is going wrong with the way he works. I have pleaded with DH to do something else which will give him a stable, reliable income, even if it's just for a year and then he can return to his normal work. He won't.

We have 2 children under 2.

Before our children arrived I had £20k in savings and no debt. I've always worked full time and have a £30k a year income. Two periods of maternity leave and DH being unable to provide a regular income during both has left me with no savings and £15k in debt.

I've just discovered he has racked up £20k in debt.

Once again this month I'm having to cover the rent and most of the bills because he can't contribute and I want him to pay his loan and credit card rather than default and screw us up altogether.

I'm thinking of asking him to move out, stay with his parents, sort out his finances, come back when he's virtually cleared off his debt. Having him live with me is financially crippling me. I'm paying for everything.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
keepingonrunning · 28/01/2017 14:47

He's an entitled, irresponsible prick who's exploiting you.

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/01/2017 15:06

When you are married his debt is your debt too. Debtors can come after you equally, to recover money your DH has borrowed.

Where did you get that crap from?! They can only chase the debtor. If any loans are in joint names then she will be liable for those but as long as his debts is only in his name then she will not be chased.

Check your facts before posting as you could really scare people with incorrect information like this.

Trainspotting1984 · 28/01/2017 15:16

Keeping as perfectly explained above- you are wrong

No one should ever be fooled into paying someone else's debt back married or not

SemiNormal · 28/01/2017 15:38

I don't think its fair to send him to his parents,why should they support him? -

If he was to move back to his parents could bailiffs then make a claim against his parents property or belongings? Not sure how it works but if that's the case then I hope they will be made aware of the situation before he turns up at their door suitcase in hand!

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/01/2017 15:40

Where did you get that crap from?! They can only chase the debtor. If any loans are in joint names then she will be liable for those but as long as his debts is only in his name then she will not be chased.

^ this

However on divorce debts can be taken into consideration during financisl settlement, if there is evidence that it was used for 'the family'

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/01/2017 16:19

semi no they cant although it would make things difficult because the parents would have to prove that they own everything so that the bailiffs dont take it to service his debt. That said, its usually the last resort as seizing and selling goods is a very inefficient way of paying back a debt, creditors would prefer a payment plan than going to court etc. As long as he is proactive and contacts his creditors with offers to pay, preferably thought a debt charity, then they should accept it.

expatinscotland · 28/01/2017 16:53

'As long as he is proactive and contacts his creditors with offers to pay, preferably thought a debt charity, then they should accept it.'

He doesn't sound like the type who's going to be the lead on the mess he's in. He's buried his head in the sand about all that debt and his so-called employment.

LovelyBath77 · 28/01/2017 17:08

You might be able to claim tax credits. They look at the overall income and if he is self-employed and has made a loss you subtract that loss from your total income and this is the figure they use for your yearly income.

Maybe he needs an accountant who can help with some of this. it is unclear whether it is personal debt or debt from his business.

Phineyj · 28/01/2017 17:59

Accountants aren't £250 an hour!

keepingonrunning · 28/01/2017 18:52

So when bailiffs come to the door, how can his half of the telly be separated from hers?

keepingonrunning · 28/01/2017 18:54

And I think you will find utility companies chasing any adult living at the same address for payment.

Newbrummie · 28/01/2017 19:05

Tax credits people simply don't seem to be able to get their head around self employment. A friend of mine they claim
Was overpaid by £2500 and were all set to prosecute her unless she agreed to a £1000 fine because in one month she made a profit, by selling the business. They didn't look st the whole year. I'd rather starve than claim them if self employed

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/01/2017 19:12

And I think you will find utility companies chasing any adult living at the same address for payment.

They are not allowed to chase anyone for a debt except the person who's name the debt is in. Fact.

They can try to persuade a partner or spouse to pay it I suppose, but they cant do anything to force them to.

And ownership comes down to who paid for it, so if the OP can prove that she paid for the TV then it is her property and cannot be taken. Problems arise if ownership cannot be proven and then a bailiff can legally take an item if on balance it is probably the property of the debtor. But as I said, that will only happen if he does absolutely nothing to address the problem and it wont happen at all if the OP kicks him out and informs all of his creditors of his new address.

Ewock · 28/01/2017 19:22

What an awful situation to be in op and having to go back to work early must have been a real wrench for you. Your other half needs to pull his head out of the sand and start stepping up to help you sort out the debt and get back on an even keel. I am however finding hard to see how between you you have spent around 55k in less than 2 years. You had 20k savings and are now in 15k debt so thats 35k and you dp has 20k debt. I am on my 2nd mat leave in 3 years and my dh earns significantly lower than you do but we have managed to cope and not get into debt and only have had to use 1k of money we saved, this may increase by another 1k by the end of this mat leave We own our home but our mortgage is just over 1k a month without other bills. In between mat leaves 1st child was also in childcare which cost over £500 a month. I just can't see how between you you have spent that much money unless you are living beyond your means. I really dont mean to be horrible or make you feel bad I honestly can not understand.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 28/01/2017 19:24

Also on any loans that are joint, they won't be if he has forged signatures/tricked her into signing... Happened to a pal of mine.. She didn't know anything of the 30k loans taken out... Their yearly income was less than 10k at the time(years ago). She didn't have to pay anything but had to swear an affidavit I think

expatinscotland · 28/01/2017 19:28

'I just can't see how between you you have spent that much money unless you are living beyond your means. I really dont mean to be horrible or make you feel bad I honestly can not understand.'

Then stop applying your life to someone else's. For starters, they privately rent. That can be very expensive, far more than your mortgage if you have to move over and over again. Hmm

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/01/2017 19:32

Then stop applying your life to someone else's. For starters, they privately rent. That can be very expensive, far more than your mortgage if you have to move over and over again

Tbf that poster has said their mortgage is the same as the OPs rent, and they earn significantly less than the OP.

Also there is nothing in the OP to say they have moved over and over. Not everyone who rents does.

RogueStar01 · 28/01/2017 19:34

Yanbu not to bail him out and to kick him out to his parents. You must feel as though you're drowing. So the £20k has gone on parts he's not been paid for essentially? He needs a salaried job where he doesn't have to manage money and to come back when he's debt free. He obviously can't make a business work.

expatinscotland · 28/01/2017 19:36

The money is gone, Piglet, makes no sense to start in on 'Justify to me how you spent it.' The issue is that her spouse ran up £20k worth of debt behind her back.

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/01/2017 19:45

And the OP may have spent £35k but that was money that they had, in savings and salary. His was borrowed and thats the real issue. OK so they dont have her money anymore but its not costing them anything, as the repayments plus interest will cost on the borrowings.

Ewock · 28/01/2017 20:23

Expat I know it can be expensive I and I think most people have been renters before so we are aware of the costs involved. But during that time and my entire life I have never spent money at that rate and we have had some awful times where we didn't have money other than to cover the most important bills. I do know what it is like and how scary it is to have financial problems. So without knowing me maybe you shouldnt be so rude when people where asking honest questions and trying to understand the op. This is after all an open forum where people are asking for opinions. I also pointed out that our mortgage is around the same as the ops and we earn significantly less. The op has also not said anything that would lead me to believe that they have had to move again and again. Had that happened it would of coursenhad an impact on their savings.

expatinscotland · 28/01/2017 20:31

'So without knowing me maybe you shouldnt be so rude when people where asking honest questions and trying to understand the op.'

And maybe you should apply your own advice to yourself and stop demanding answers to unsolicited questions and scolding people who haven't justified how they spent money to you when they never asked for advice about that in the first place Hmm.

Ewock · 28/01/2017 20:39

Expat I was not scolding anyone, stramge thatbyou would read it that way, I was trying to understand the position and how it happened. And no where in my posts did I demand anything! The op does not need to say anything in response. But it is an open forum so posters can post what they like. I did say in my post that I didnt mean any offence and I don't but I will post what I would like to as you and everyone else should. Not sure why you have focussed on my post over others which have said similar things, but thats fine you are entitled to your opinions and to post what you would like to.

expatinscotland · 28/01/2017 20:40

There you go, it's an open forum! I have my opinion and you have yours. As you were.

ArgyMargy · 28/01/2017 20:40

I agree with expat - OP doesn't need flaming for spending the money, she needs advice on getting out of the mess. And she asked a specific question about whether to throw her husband out.

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