Weird encounter with man or am I over thinking

[Daaaaaaan]

This might be long, will try to put all relevant information in so to avoid the dreaded drip feeding...

One or two weeks before Christmas I was in the supermarket as usual on a Wednesday lunchtime straight after school finished with my son. Exited the supermarket to hear an English voice say "oh hi, how are you" in a friendly tone of voice (am expat and while many people here speak English I speak to most of my friends in the local language). I said "oh hello" while thinking "uhmm I don't really think I know you". However he continued saying he knew me from somewhere, had we met before, probably at local pub. I said no I don't drink there.

He told me his Street address then asked why I was shopping in supermarket A when supermarket B was closer to my house (didn't think about this comment until later as tbh I was really just trying to get home to make lunch, I absolutely did not tell him where I lived). He also said he saw me most days last summer and I was always on my own (?! )Looked like I was always off to the beach, did I not work?

Boxing day, receive message in my other folder from this guy saying I popped up on his people you may know list. We have no mutual friends, are not in any of the same Facebook groups and I never "check in" anywhere. So was a bit sceptical. Anyway in the message wishes me merry Christmas, asks me out, gives me his address, phone number and email. I didn't accept the message request and did not reply. So although I have read it he won't know as I've not accepted it ifkwim.

So, Wednesday in supermarket A as usual, and he is there. He tries to make chat but, it's lunchtime and I have a hungry son to feed! Don't give it much thought, it's a local supermarket after all, we live in the same district. Thursday I get on my usual tram to take my son to school and he is on it. Not too weird, but the stop for where he told me he lives is about 3 stops before the one I get on. The next and final stop, it doesn't really go anywhere except the tram depot, my sons school and the long road to the next town.

He starts walking with us asking about Christmas, asks my son about his gifts etc. I'm feeling a bit uneasy and rush my son along while, saying something like "oh well have a nice day etc" he then asks me if I have time for a coffee, rather taken aback I blurted out "sorry no I'm on my way to a job interview" and rushed off.

So, finally (if anyone has got this far) is, aibu to think this all really odd. Mainly the supermarket conversation/knowing where I live/movements/tram thing? The balcony thing, as I say, is most likely unconnected but possibly why I'm feeling more freaked out than should be necessary.

Tell the police

Tell your friends

Tell the school

Start wearing an "engagement ring"

"Talk" to someone when you open the front door.

Put some (large!) male items prominently on display on your balcony

Another one here saying to not give him anything to 'feed' off....Any communication he will take as a good thing and obsess over.
Ignore him and hopefully he will move on

I was just thinking (highly unusual) if he was on your balcony could he have hidden a camera there or something?

Worried for you OP. Please keep us updated.

OP you have had some great advice and knowledge is power . Take every single piece of advice and let's batter this fucker away from you . I bet most women don't even have this armory of knowledge at their disposal . Do it all - and I hope he gets scared away and learns to NOT fuck with you . Good luck and I bloody Love MN sometimes

Okay so you say the country are in wouldn't take this seriously, that could be an issue of it's own if women and their fear they are being stalked is not important. I would worry about that in itself as then you don't really have a voice in that country.

Is it possible for you to hire someone to follow you to record these interactions, I am worried he is trying to get to your son through you, you know single mom needs rescuing type of thing. He is obviously very full of himself, so if he is from a middle eastern country ?? you know the way men behave over there

All guess work on my part at present but he doesn't see bothered about approaching you, which most normal men wudnt do

I think the comments regarding the middle east are a bit unfair. There are stalkers all over the world!

This is quite creepy, hope you are overthinking it and it is just weird coincidences that he's always where you are x

There are indeed hotdiggedy, but complaints are usually taken seriously. The OP has already said they wouldn't be so does that mean she is in a country that place men above women? That was my enquiry to her

I've lived in a supposed relaxed ME county. Couldn't set foot outside the door without being watched, followed and photographed. Had to change my mobile no 3 times because of guess dialling boys plaguing me with calls day and night.

Leering, sexual comments and touching up is widespread and unchallenged

Sure everywhere has fucked up people who stalk... but some regions countries have a very fucked up society generally.

In the end I became agoraphobic because of the people in Egypt.

There are even worse places, sure, but until you've seen it with your own eyes, don't rush to defend.

Ask your upstairs neighbors if anyone lost a belt.

If they did, they get the belt back. If they didn't, it's a road sign.

Trust your gut on this one, OP. The fact he knows so much about you is odd.

Just checking in to wish you well. Do you have a friend who can overhaul your IT security? For instance, is your WiFi password protected? Are there any keyloggers, etc? I'd go to extreme vigilance, rather than under- at least until you rule things out. But if you do find and evidence of cyber-stslking, would that make the police take it more seriously?

Wow. The belt appearing from nowhere would make me go out and get good locks... Are you renting. Get the landlord to put in extra locks and change your routine. I agree with others. Leave boots on the balcony and put mens toiletries lying around (just in case). Razors, lynx etc.

Exactly, as pp said, trust your gut. Women are always talked out of their gut feelings and if not they talk themselves out of it.

Get a personal alarm / record everything that happens in a diary/ CCTV. I was stalked for years by an ex. It destroyed me. Trust me I'm no model and felt stupid at first for even thinking I could be being stalked.

OP can you take some time off and come back to the UK? Do you have supportive family over here who could help you?

It's not enough to be 100% sure that he is stalking you but it's definitely enough to be concerned.

I think in your shoes I would do a lot of the things people have mentioned:

• Start to make it look more like you have a man around (the boots idea is good, maybe some other bits and pieces)

• Note everything down with dates and times in a notebook, if anything were to escalate this would be very important

• Set up a CCTV camera outside or if not possible there are a lot of wi-fi webcams available that you could point towards the balcony

• Speak to neighbour's/school/etc so that they're aware with a description of the guy and photo (from FB).

• Next time the man asks you for coffee I would say that you've recently started a relationship and don't think that it would be appropriate (this both cuts off the possibility of meeting and also signals that another man is on the scene)

• Vary your routine and routes as much as possible over the next few weeks

The final point to think about is this. I have worked with paedophiles, a common MO is to befriend a single mother with a view to getting closer to the child. So you need to consider that it could be you OR your DS that is the potential target (if something sinister is afoot).

You need to speak to your soon in an age appropriate way about not going off with anyone (don't necessarily just say strangers as depending on the age of your soon he may not think of people Mummy speaks to as 'strangers') and also to specifically let you know if he sees this man.

Oh and yes...a personal alarm and pepper spray (if legal in your country) or something that would sting if sprayed in the eyes (hairspray or cleaning fluid) if not. Better to be cautious.

How are you bearing up OP ?
You've got all of our support, on here.
We may be far away, but we're with you.
Do you have any plans to come back to the UK, for a break ?

Very scary thread. I hope you're ok op.
Just to shed some light on how he may have found you on Fb. If you happen to be in the same place as a person a few times, if you have any kind of location switched on on your phone or google or whatever, it may suggest that person to you.
My husband had it happen to him with someone that he met at work, despite having no mutual friends and neither of them listing where they work.

It doesn't mean he's not a stalker, but it's a possibility of how he found your Fb profile.

Stay safe op

Do you have any idea who he could be or how he knows you? I think that he must know you from somewhere because he spoke to you in English rather than the local language.

Where is your ds' father? Could he be connected through him.

Thanks all. Will start keeping notes of encounters etc. That's good to know about the location thing throwing up a Facebook match, I don't tag myself anywhere but I did notice a couple of months ago that Google maps recently installed a new feature where it would locate you, I switched the option off once it popped up but that makes sense as a possible way I could have appeared on his people you may know. We don't have any friends in common.

Pepper spray is legal here, I can buy some. I did a self defence class a long time ago which used pepper spray as a defence option (krav maga) so can look for you tube videos for a quick refresher.

I speak to my son in English so that's probably how he knew to speak to me in my mother tongue, probably overheard in supermarket. I really don't think we have any mutual friends, most of my friends are from a sports group or other parents from school. Before he spoke to me for the first time he I didn't register him at all. It's possible I walked past him on he Street, I the bank or anywhere local but I really don't recall seeing his face before he said hello outside the supermarket.

Took ds to his Saturday morning class earlier, as I have done for the last 4 years and no sign. Did leave 10 minutes later than normal and came home 1 hour later but still, good I think.

Thanks for all your supportive messages.

Meant to add, no I'm certain not connected to ds father. We have a good relationship and he will be very unhappy/want to confront this man when I tell him. He's currently out of the country with work so I'll wait till he's back.

@queen The UK and Europe have not got a particularly good reputation for taking stalking seriously. Not sure where OP is.

OP - leaving masculine stuff around may escalate it especially if this guy is a stalker and knows there's no man behind the stuff until DH comes home

Best of luck OP. Breathe deep and keep you and your boy safe.

Also, yes that's a worry stumbleymonkey, on Friday I did speak to ds and tell him that even though I speak to a lot of people they are not all friends. He is only to ever go with 2 people other than me. I'm trying not to over emphasise the pint but also make sure that he really understands the point I'm making.