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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Weird encounter with man or am I over thinking

357 replies

Daaaaaaan · 27/01/2017 12:58

This might be long, will try to put all relevant information in so to avoid the dreaded drip feeding...

One or two weeks before Christmas I was in the supermarket as usual on a Wednesday lunchtime straight after school finished with my son. Exited the supermarket to hear an English voice say "oh hi, how are you" in a friendly tone of voice (am expat and while many people here speak English I speak to most of my friends in the local language). I said "oh hello" while thinking "uhmm I don't really think I know you". However he continued saying he knew me from somewhere, had we met before, probably at local pub. I said no I don't drink there.

He told me his Street address then asked why I was shopping in supermarket A when supermarket B was closer to my house (didn't think about this comment until later as tbh I was really just trying to get home to make lunch, I absolutely did not tell him where I lived). He also said he saw me most days last summer and I was always on my own (?! Confused )Looked like I was always off to the beach, did I not work?

Boxing day, receive message in my other folder from this guy saying I popped up on his people you may know list. We have no mutual friends, are not in any of the same Facebook groups and I never "check in" anywhere. So was a bit sceptical. Anyway in the message wishes me merry Christmas, asks me out, gives me his address, phone number and email. I didn't accept the message request and did not reply. So although I have read it he won't know as I've not accepted it ifkwim.

So, Wednesday in supermarket A as usual, and he is there. He tries to make chat but, it's lunchtime and I have a hungry son to feed! Don't give it much thought, it's a local supermarket after all, we live in the same district. Thursday I get on my usual tram to take my son to school and he is on it. Not too weird, but the stop for where he told me he lives is about 3 stops before the one I get on. The next and final stop, it doesn't really go anywhere except the tram depot, my sons school and the long road to the next town.

He starts walking with us asking about Christmas, asks my son about his gifts etc. I'm feeling a bit uneasy and rush my son along while, saying something like "oh well have a nice day etc" he then asks me if I have time for a coffee, rather taken aback I blurted out "sorry no I'm on my way to a job interview" and rushed off.

So, finally (if anyone has got this far) is, aibu to think this all really odd. Mainly the supermarket conversation/knowing where I live/movements/tram thing? The balcony thing, as I say, is most likely unconnected but possibly why I'm feeling more freaked out than should be necessary.

OP posts:
Daaaaaaan · 27/01/2017 20:26

Easy to minimise in your own mind

OP posts:
Weepatchesoflove · 27/01/2017 20:29

I am not sure if it is any help, or if you will have checked it out, but this web page is from the British Embasy www.inbrief.co.uk/offences/stalking-and-legal-protection/
I hope this all settles down and you can get back to your normal life again, having to constantly be on guard is very tiring. Good luck op

Doublemint · 27/01/2017 20:30

I'm seconding whoever said cacti! Or something that would bring up a rash of in contact with creepy wankers skin

Danglybits · 27/01/2017 20:39

How did he find you on FB? Did you tell him your name?

Aquasport · 27/01/2017 20:41

If you are in a middle eastern country I would be extra alarmed.

TwentyChews · 27/01/2017 20:44

Just be aware of social media - particularly photo-based ones. Turn your location-tagging off and don't name where you are on any sites.

The location/tagging can be how people "get to know" their "victims" by pretending a friendship/shared interest that just doesn't exist "Oh, we met at the zoo last week - remember, in the coffee queue." - we are too polite to say wtf - and too embarrassed that we may have forgotten them - so play along. Before you know it they have weedle their way into being much better acquainted with you - purely based on the photo you posted of you next to the coffee shop at the zoo.

YorkieDorkie · 27/01/2017 20:45

This is so unsettling to read OP. Be careful. This man sounds unhinged. CCTV definitely a great idea 👍🏻 there's also a security set up that sends you notifications so you know when someone has triggered your camera. Might be worth looking into.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/01/2017 20:45

That would really creep me out, it sounds like he's stalking you. I would keep a log and maby CCTV. Tell him, please would you mind not talking to me, your making me feel uncomfortable. If you keep doing this, I will go to the Police. this is not acceptable.

Daaaaaaan · 27/01/2017 20:50

No, didn't tell full name only first (which as said is yoonique spelling, and there are a million variations ..mn baby names forum hates everything about my name). My fb settings have always been very secure, nothing is public, I never check in anywhere. I only use it because I'm. Expat so family can see photos of my son.

OP posts:
MiniMaxi · 27/01/2017 20:51

Some great advice on here. I have little to add except Flowers

Danglybits · 27/01/2017 20:51

Very worrying for you.

Can you get a friend to stay with you for a bit?

Daaaaaaan · 27/01/2017 20:53

I noticed a couple of weeks ago that Google maps had started a tagging thing and also switched that off immediately. I'm super paranoid about randoms seeing anything about my son, no particular reason. Just his general safety

OP posts:
TheTroutofNoCraic · 27/01/2017 20:56

I think you are right to be concerned. Agree with all the sensible advice you've been given on here.

MusicToMyEars800 · 27/01/2017 21:00

this would worry/scare me a lot, I agree with pp about taking extra security measures, also keep a diary of your movements and if the man is in most places you go so you can report it to the police if you need to, I would have a chat with the police and see what they say, maybe stay off of fb for a while too?

Poppyred85 · 27/01/2017 21:03

I agree with pp. This sounds worrying. You don't say how od your son is but if he's old enough that there may be some occasions where he's not with an adult I think I would be inclined to reinforce with your son that he doesn't go off with this man, even if he says he's "mummy's friend."
I've travelled a fair bit on my own and one thing I was told was that if you receive unwanted male attention, make a scene in the way a "local" woman would. Not necessarily shouting/upset but drawing the attention of people around you to his behaviour. Loudly saying "your attention is unwelcome. Please leave me alone." Or saying to others around you: "this man is making me uncomfortable/will not leave me alone when I have asked him to. Please could you help me"? Even for very reserved, mind-their-own-business people it is hard to ignore a direct request for help.

Daaaaaaan · 27/01/2017 21:07

Going to double check all settings though. Haven't posted anything on fb since October but do click like on friends photos (some of whom are set to.public) anyway blocked him on fb now

OP posts:
MichaelSheensNextDW · 27/01/2017 21:08

Another recommendation for Gift of Fear.
This guy is a total creep.
I'm sure we would all be mortified to think we might have overstepped a mark with someone, made another person feel uncomfortable or pressured. Don't make the mistake of assuming everyone is like this, as a pp said, some are just socially inept at handling a huge crush but some have got nefarious intentions.
You must give yourself permission to not feel you have to 'be nice' to someone so blatantly overstepping normal boundaries.
In your position I would take my diary of events to the police, if possible with a printout of his FB pic/details - he may well have a record which would make them a lot more interested in what he's doing now. As you mention trams I hope you're in a European country which has a robust policing attitude to harrassment and stalking behaviours.
Flowers for you.

Daaaaaaan · 27/01/2017 21:08

My son is 9. The only time he's not with me is when he is at school

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 27/01/2017 21:10

It's weird that he knew you spoke English isn't it... I know you said many people where you live can speak English, but you'd have thought he would use the native language to speak to a random person in a supermarket.

NeedATrim · 27/01/2017 21:13

A motion sensor light is a must. A hidden motion sensor cctv camera offers extra protection and would be evidence. I'd order these in.

Keep your phone always charged and in your pocket, even in the house. Have police number on speed dial/one touch dial.

Consider a personal alarm, op because a) it'll obviously attract attention in public and b) if in the house the neighbours can be alerted to you in need.

Sorry to hear you're going through this. A person should never ever be fearful in their own home. Stay strong and never minimise events if they occur. FlowersFlowersFlowers

joystir59 · 27/01/2017 21:17

Tell the police. Tell everyone. Shout at him loudly to leave you alone, in the presence of other people. Tell the people around you that you've reported him to the police for stalking you. Let your instincts keep putting two and two together- don't block this process within yourself- your instincts are there to protect you and right now you are at war with this guy. I am sorry to sound over dramatic but like everyone else who has offered advice- this is very worrying in a very real sense. Take his photo from facebook (and then block him) and photocopy it- give a copy to the police and to your son's school and to your friends and neighbours. Let people know who he is and what he is doing to you. And, I repeat- go to the police now- before he commits a crime. Put everything down in writing and give a copy of your notes to the police.

cholla · 27/01/2017 21:19

I would write down and bullet point everything that you have talked about in this post. I'd then go to the police and explain you're a bit worried about it. If anything that'll make sure you're on their radar. That's not to say that there's anything untoward but in all seriousness if you're even a little bit creeped out (and most certainly sounds like you have reason to be) it's worth making the police know.

If he makes you feel uneasy could you tell him next time he pops up? Something along the lines of 'I know we keep bumping into each other but in all honestly it is making me very uncomfortable and I would appreciate if you wouldn't speak to me'

Sounds like something is not quite right with this man.

joystir59 · 27/01/2017 21:23

OP he is stalking you and therefore seeking every scrap of information on you that he can glean, and has been doing so for a while. That is his mind set where you are concerned. You need to see what you can find out about him now- you need to become a detective and to be wary and alert. I hate that you are having to deal with this and hope he sinks back into the ooze asap.

ItsNachoCheese · 27/01/2017 21:27

This guy sounds like an absolute roaster and definetely needs the police to be having words with him. Hope you and your ds stay safe

joystir59 · 27/01/2017 21:27

Do not minimise this when you tell the police- you want them to take you seriously. Could you take an injunction out against him? Seek legal advice. Be proactive.

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