Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Weird encounter with man or am I over thinking

357 replies

Daaaaaaan · 27/01/2017 12:58

This might be long, will try to put all relevant information in so to avoid the dreaded drip feeding...

One or two weeks before Christmas I was in the supermarket as usual on a Wednesday lunchtime straight after school finished with my son. Exited the supermarket to hear an English voice say "oh hi, how are you" in a friendly tone of voice (am expat and while many people here speak English I speak to most of my friends in the local language). I said "oh hello" while thinking "uhmm I don't really think I know you". However he continued saying he knew me from somewhere, had we met before, probably at local pub. I said no I don't drink there.

He told me his Street address then asked why I was shopping in supermarket A when supermarket B was closer to my house (didn't think about this comment until later as tbh I was really just trying to get home to make lunch, I absolutely did not tell him where I lived). He also said he saw me most days last summer and I was always on my own (?! Confused )Looked like I was always off to the beach, did I not work?

Boxing day, receive message in my other folder from this guy saying I popped up on his people you may know list. We have no mutual friends, are not in any of the same Facebook groups and I never "check in" anywhere. So was a bit sceptical. Anyway in the message wishes me merry Christmas, asks me out, gives me his address, phone number and email. I didn't accept the message request and did not reply. So although I have read it he won't know as I've not accepted it ifkwim.

So, Wednesday in supermarket A as usual, and he is there. He tries to make chat but, it's lunchtime and I have a hungry son to feed! Don't give it much thought, it's a local supermarket after all, we live in the same district. Thursday I get on my usual tram to take my son to school and he is on it. Not too weird, but the stop for where he told me he lives is about 3 stops before the one I get on. The next and final stop, it doesn't really go anywhere except the tram depot, my sons school and the long road to the next town.

He starts walking with us asking about Christmas, asks my son about his gifts etc. I'm feeling a bit uneasy and rush my son along while, saying something like "oh well have a nice day etc" he then asks me if I have time for a coffee, rather taken aback I blurted out "sorry no I'm on my way to a job interview" and rushed off.

So, finally (if anyone has got this far) is, aibu to think this all really odd. Mainly the supermarket conversation/knowing where I live/movements/tram thing? The balcony thing, as I say, is most likely unconnected but possibly why I'm feeling more freaked out than should be necessary.

OP posts:
joystir59 · 27/01/2017 14:56

He is watching your movements, he has probably wanked on your balcony. Do you still have the belt- keep it, it will have his fingerprints and maybe his dna. Do not take the risk of this man at all lightly. Do anything and everything you can to protect you and your son and STOP being polite to him!

DartmoorDoughnut · 27/01/2017 14:56

Sounds very worrying

blackcherries · 27/01/2017 15:00

OP this is worrying.
You don't need to be a celeb to have a stalker.

Atenco · 27/01/2017 15:00

I think stalking is now a crime in every country in the world, Daaaan. A big dog, (if you like dogs) sounds like a good idea.

massiveknickers · 27/01/2017 15:01

You absolutely must tell someone other than the police that this is happening - do you have friends you trust?

massiveknickers · 27/01/2017 15:01

(Sorry - obviously you should tell the police but ALSO someone else; someone you can talk to IYSWIM)

Footle · 27/01/2017 15:02

Don't invent an imaginary friend. If he's watching you that closely he'll know you are alone, and your attempts to pretend otherwise could excite him.
If you still have the belt,ask the people upstairs if they recognise it.

TooSmittle · 27/01/2017 15:03

Oooh gosh, I normally always look for the benefit of the doubt and reasonable explanations but this is pretty horrifying. You are definitely not being unreasonable.

There's been some great advice regarding security and I second it all. Do as much as you can, far better to be 'over the top' as it were. I would add my suggestion that a motion activated light for your balcony would be good too, as bright as possible.

Great job for handling this so calmly, keep going.

BakeOffBiscuits · 27/01/2017 15:05

If he approaches you again, tell him he is making you feel uncomfortable and he is to leave you alone. Also say that you will tell the police of he continues.

You really do have to spell it out ot him, then if he does approach you again you can go to the police and state that you have told him to leave you alone and he is ignoring you.

joystir59 · 27/01/2017 15:05

Stop thinking you are crazy OP. Trust your instincts. Do not minimise.

joystir59 · 27/01/2017 15:07

Don't converse with him at all- it will only excite him. Next time he is waiting for you outside the supermarket, where I assume it is quite busy with other shoppers, tell him to fuck off and leave you alone. NOTHING else. don't tell him he's making you feel uncomfortable- that will excite him. Thus isn't about him 'fancying' you. This is about him exerting control over your life. This is about him abusing you.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/01/2017 15:08

I don't want to add to your unease, but yes, I'd be well freaked out

I'd go to the police, explain you live alone with your son and tell them you are scared of the man. Before you go, write a list of every time you have seen him & what happened. Take a screen shot of it and leave it with them.

Talk to the school. Tell them that NO IONE is to collect DS unless YOU have called them and given the school and the other person a code word.

Then do as others have said. Up security, get CCTV, talk to all of your neighbours and if you can, get a boat audible detection fog horn thingy (it's like an aerosol thing that makes a fucking deafening sound). Let your neighbours know you have one and that if they hear it, you need help.

I'd have more house & personal security than you'd think was available

I'd also use it as the motivation to go and do some self defence classes.

Take care

SanitysSake · 27/01/2017 15:14

Motion activated CCTV on your balcony. This can be in the form of a teddy or some other innocuous child like item. They don't often need an external power source.

blueskyinmarch · 27/01/2017 15:22

Sounds worrying to me. I would completely change your routine if you can and if he still turns up you will know he has actively been seeking you out. If that happens i would contact the police.

Haffdonga · 27/01/2017 15:31

Double check your online security too and up your FB security settings. You don't want some random to be able to read or see anything about you post.

ApplePaltrow21 · 27/01/2017 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yukbuck · 27/01/2017 15:32

I would not wait to see if he follows your new routine. I would definitely tell the police now. Who knows what he might do next? You have no idea who he is and he knows where you live, your name (including last name!) And makes it plainly obvious he's stalking you. I'd be more than a little freaked out right now!

YouHadMeAtCake · 27/01/2017 15:38

I'm worried for you just reading this. He definitely sounds like he is stalking you. I hope you get it sorted out.

Jojobythesea · 27/01/2017 15:43

If the belt fell from the balcony above I don't think it would've landed on the Belmont below. It would've landed on the shrubbery....

Niloufes · 27/01/2017 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Niloufes · 27/01/2017 15:46

Ha! Apple! I see we have the same thoughts...

SquinkiesRule · 27/01/2017 15:48

Daaaaaaan It's time for you to read The gift of fear, by Gavin De Becker.
It'll put the whole thing in a new light and give you help on how to deal with it, also I agree with getting CCTV and logging it all with the police.
Free kindle edition

Jojobythesea · 27/01/2017 15:52

**balcony below....Blush

LuckyBitches · 27/01/2017 15:53

OP this sounds scary to me. One tip that I haven't spotted yet (I have sort of RTFT) is to leave a hallway light on, and always greet someone hello or goodbye when you enter or leave your home even if there's no-one there. This tip comes from my very paranoid MiL.

Daaaaaaan · 27/01/2017 15:53

It is worrying, not sure how you decipher my calmness or lack of from my posts? It's words on a screen?! Report me if you wish, been here since 2008. Mn can clarify

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread