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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask am I bisexual or is this normal?

104 replies

Zerofucksgivenyes · 26/01/2017 20:04

I am a married woman in her late 20's with 3 DC's. I've only ever been in relationships with men, no desire to be in a relationship with a woman. I have many female friends who I don't find attractive or have a desire to have sex with. My DH is Thor only person who has ever made me orgasm and I find him physically attractive. I am a girly girl, not in the slightest bit butch.

The question comes in that the only thing that will get me off is thinking of a woman's naked body. I simply cannot orgasm unless I am watching porn with women in or thinking about a naked woman. This has been that way since I was very young. I have had fantasies about having sex with women but I think that if push came to shove I couldn't do it.

I am so confused - does this mean I'm bisexual? Is this normal for a straight woman to feel like this?

OP posts:
TheOtherSock · 26/01/2017 20:05

Is it something you feel a need to label? You fantasise about women but only want to have sex with men. It's fine.

Original poster
Zerofucksgivenyes · 26/01/2017 20:10

I don't know, I suppose it's confused me for a long time and I'm too embarrassed to ask my friends if it's normal as I dont want them to think I'm cracking on with them. Just wanted opinions as I don't understand it

OP posts:
Crowdblundering · 26/01/2017 20:11

Sorry am giggling at my DH is Thor.

Well lucky you! Wink

Seriously you sound really normal - don't worry.

Original poster
Zerofucksgivenyes · 26/01/2017 20:13

Hahaha crowd I've just spotted that 😂😂😂

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 26/01/2017 20:13

Funny old tangled thing, sexuality. I'd not worry about it.

TheOtherSock · 26/01/2017 20:14

I think it's normal. IMO it's not at all uncommon to deviate in some way from plain, simple, straightforward "I like men", "I like women", and "I like men and women" sexual categories.

milkysmum · 26/01/2017 20:14

I'm married, 2 kids, can't imagine being in a relationship with a women but have very similar feelings to you

BToperator · 26/01/2017 20:14

It may be that you are bisexual, but that is normal I don't think it is as simple as everyone being straight, gay or bi. I think there is a spectrum, and everyone is on it at a different point, with most people being somewhere in the middle. It is fine to be how you are.

WineIsMyMainVice · 26/01/2017 20:16

Don't worry about it. If that's what does it for you, so be it....!

Astoria7974 · 26/01/2017 20:16

You probably are bi but not equally attracted to both sexes. I'm bi, have dated both sexes, but very much prefer men and always have.

thetigerthatcamefortea · 26/01/2017 20:17

I agree that it's a bit of a spectrum. I'm the same as you. Can't imagine every actually being with a woman and in real life I don't every feel attracted to woman but do get off on the fantasy of it.

HamletsSister · 26/01/2017 20:17

Is there an element of cultural conditioning in many women? We are taught by the media and oorn industry that the naked female form = sex. So, it triggers something....

Not sure but I doubt you are alone.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 26/01/2017 20:17

I knew someone who had a theory that everyone has varying inclinations towards the same sex. I think he's right too, I dont think its as simple as gay, straight, bi.

I've only ever been with men or been attracted to them, but I've fantasised about women. I just dont think I'd make a reality.

Original poster
Zerofucksgivenyes · 26/01/2017 20:25

I've never met a woman that I fancy or think "I want to have sex with her" I just don't know why I can only get off on women?

OP posts:
showmeislands · 26/01/2017 20:35

I think you're pretty normal! And I'm another who thinks there's a spectrum and we don't all fit neatly into categories of sexuality.

With regards to why you find the female form sexually exciting in this way, perhaps just because the female form is often very aesthetically appealing and beautiful, so may just have a certain kind of visual appeal for you in a way that is different to the male form.

For me, I would identify as bisexual and have had relationships with both men and women. I am probably more attracted generally to women, I find their bodies more beautiful/sensual/erotic etc, and so the thought of a woman naked is more of a turn on to me, than a man's body. However I'm definitely still attracted to men and I've tended to prefer sex with men, overall. And am married to a man now. But in fantasy, my mind will typically go for women over men. Just how it is!

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 26/01/2017 20:36

It's probably because lesbian porn is more female centric and focused on female pleasure rather than a quick in-out.

I don't think that preference is that unusual to be honest.

7SunshineSeven7 · 26/01/2017 20:41

I am a girly girl, not in the slightest bit butch. Hmm

And that means you can't like women?

HarryPottersMagicWand · 26/01/2017 20:44

I could have written your post and have often wondered the same thing. No desire whatsoever to be with a woman but would rather fantasise about them. I think a naked female is nicer to look at than a naked male tbh. I did kind of have 1 female crush a few years ago. Kind of threw me tbh. But it's never happened before or since. I wouldn't say I'm bisexual, more bicurious.

mellowfartfulness · 26/01/2017 20:45

I do consider myself bi and have fancied women - but most relationships have been with men (partly because I was always too shy to approach people and it's only men that approach me...) and I'm now married to a man. I only really get off if I'm thinking about women, too.

Use labels if they are useful to you, or don't if they're not. I think a lot of people are in the same boat, if that's a comfort!

mainlywingingit · 26/01/2017 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eevee77 · 26/01/2017 20:50

I wouldn't label it. I've only ever fancied men but can't say I'd never fancy a woman. I think they're far more appealing to look at. A mans naked body isn't particularly sexy to me although I am happy with OH. Don't overt think it.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 26/01/2017 20:50

I'm mid thirties, married, kids. Could if written your op. Feel exactly the same as you!

WizardOfToss · 26/01/2017 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotCitrus · 26/01/2017 20:54

It's not at all unusual - probably the majority of people are bisexual to some degree but not necessarily up for doing anything about it. If you're happily married then that's what matters - though can lead to discussions of which woman you and DH fancy in films, or watching porn together, for example.

SomeDyke · 26/01/2017 20:55

What runs through your head and works for you during sex can be all sorts of stuff. Loads of men find watching (supposedly) lesbian porn a turn on, and some lesbians find watching gay male porn a turn on. So thinking of women doesn't mean you're a lesbian.

But I do have to disagree with the 'we're all on a spectrum' comment. Because the nuts and bolts of the sex scenario (genitalia and bodies) aren't on a spectrum. Innies or outies, that is (usually) the only options. And many of us do seem to mind which type we're interacting with, or at least notice...............

I'm just tired of the same ole people who are basically straight trying to claim that they are actually on a spectrum so 'a bit' gayish really cos they're a bloke who thought David Bowie was quite nice, or a woman who snogged a woman once (when that was the done thing to try and attract the blokes) and who likes to think they're a bit of a lesbian.
Appropriation is the word, I think..............................