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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask am I bisexual or is this normal?

104 replies

Zerofucksgivenyes · 26/01/2017 20:04

I am a married woman in her late 20's with 3 DC's. I've only ever been in relationships with men, no desire to be in a relationship with a woman. I have many female friends who I don't find attractive or have a desire to have sex with. My DH is Thor only person who has ever made me orgasm and I find him physically attractive. I am a girly girl, not in the slightest bit butch.

The question comes in that the only thing that will get me off is thinking of a woman's naked body. I simply cannot orgasm unless I am watching porn with women in or thinking about a naked woman. This has been that way since I was very young. I have had fantasies about having sex with women but I think that if push came to shove I couldn't do it.

I am so confused - does this mean I'm bisexual? Is this normal for a straight woman to feel like this?

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 26/01/2017 21:07

I'm mid 30s, married, have a child and another baby on the way and am attracted to men.

When I was 17 I had a 6 month phase of being sexually attracted to a few female pop stars who were current at the time, I used to watch their music videos and feel attracted to them and I used to print off photos of them from the internet (usually in skimpy outfits) and plaster them over my college folders.

I had boyfriends throughout school and college and into my 20s etc and I was never attracted to a 'real' female.

However, when I was 21 I met a woman (she was the girlfriend of one of my exes) and there was instant Chemistry between us. We didn't act on it then but about a year later we met up and things did progress to us having an 'experimental relationship' with each other for about 4 months.

I continued to date men following on from her but I still thought about her regularly.

That was over 10 years ago now and I have never fancied another woman - however, I usually think about her and fantasise about her when I'm getting off.

I don't class myself as bisexual because in the last 14 years I have had sex with one woman. Others may disagree but that how I perceive myself.

I absolutely think you're on the spectrum of what is 'normal' so try not to get into too much angst over it.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 26/01/2017 21:09

I really wouldn't worry about it. Everyone is different, no need to try and fit yourself into a box.

Also very envious that your DH is Thor Grin

PhoenixJasmine · 26/01/2017 21:12

Your title seems to imply that being bisexual is not 'normal', OP Confused

havetokeepitfunny · 26/01/2017 21:13

I am the same always have since I was younger but wouldn't want to be with a woman! And I think it's normal I've always been attracted to men it's just when I fantasise I think of it really and I know it's normal because I've been drunk with a friend and she's the same (no attraction to each other ) so don't worry xx

havetokeepitfunny · 26/01/2017 21:15

It's prob more common than you think lovely

Original poster
Zerofucksgivenyes · 26/01/2017 21:20

No Phoenix - if you read it correctly it means am I bisexual or is it normal as in the circumstance that I'm in (straight married woman that fantasises about women). Don't try to turn it into something it's not

OP posts:
PhoenixJasmine · 26/01/2017 21:26

I'm not - that's how I read it. Words mean things, it's worth being careful with them especially around topics where you can easily offend people. Like the concept of normal with regards to sexuality :)

FWIW I consider myself bisexual, have had short flings and ONS with women when younger but LTR all
men, DP is male, personal fantasies are all female. Most people in my life would think I was straight. I consider myself 'normal'.

Original poster
Zerofucksgivenyes · 26/01/2017 21:29

Think you are being oversensative. No one else has mentioned they are "offended" and got the gist of what I meant Confused

OP posts:
TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 26/01/2017 21:40

OP. If I'm honest- to refer to any form of non-hetero love as not 'normal' is a tad offensive.

But given that you're not lgbt (or if you are a wee bit it's obviously not something that you know a great deal of the politics of. )

So yes, gay people will have an issue with you saying that they're not normal. You can see why that would be the case. But it's an easy mistake to make and now you know!

BlackberryandNettle · 26/01/2017 21:43

Well going against what somedyke said I'm also of the opinion that we're all on a spectrum and it's a bit of a relief to see that so many others feel the same. Sexuality, like any trait, is not black-and-white. Also married to a man, with kids, I fantasise about men but have had a couple of crushes on women over the years, Greater numbers of crushes men. Wouldn't rule out trying a relationship with a woman if hadn't already found the one. I appreciate that an 'unsure' attitude may be viewed with irritation by outright gay people.

Olympiathequeen · 26/01/2017 21:46

If I think about it and I don't often but your question has made me think that I do find woman on woman sex far more arousing than male on male sex. Mostly I just put up with DH and his inept fumbling Grin. Joking!

7SunshineSeven7 · 26/01/2017 21:46

OP Actually I was a bit Hmm about your implication that you're a girly girl and not butch so confused about why you think you might be bisexual.

SalemSaberhagen · 26/01/2017 21:47

The OP wasn't saying that anything non hetero was abnormal Confused how on earth did you get that?

It clearly says is she bisexual or is THIS normal....as in, is it normal to fantasise about women when in reality you don't find them attractive

yorkshapudding · 26/01/2017 21:48

I'm sure I read somewhere that a high percentage of straight women prefer lesbian porn. This was attributed to the fact that straight porn tends to be all about the man's pleasure whereas lesbian porn focuses on female satisfaction and there's more likely to be some attempt to portray an emotional connection. Made sense to me. I don't necessarily think it 'means' anything. People enjoy fantasising about all sorts of things that they would not actually want to happen in reality.

tartansnowman · 26/01/2017 21:50

OP, most of the porn watched by women is either gay or lesbian, according to studies.

I watch only gay male porn. I'm straight.

The kind of porn you watch is not the same thing as your orientation.

And we're not all on a spectrum. I am entirely straight and my sister and daughter state they are entirely lesbian.

yorkshapudding · 26/01/2017 21:50

When OP asked if this was normal, I think it's pretty clear that she was asking is this normal for a woman who is only attracted to men in RL.

tartansnowman · 26/01/2017 21:53

Yes, it's normal for straight women to watch lesbian porn. And it's normal for gay men to watch straight porn, so normal that there is even porn made exclusively for that purpose. It's normal for straight men to watch lesbian porn and so on.

It's all normal.

RogueV · 26/01/2017 21:55

I am similar.

Have only dated and had sex with men. Have never been interested in women in real life. I'm a proper girly girl. However love(d) watching porn with women and women's bodies in it. I have a DH and a child and do not consider myself to be anything but heterosexual!

I think it's more common than you think

Tylee · 26/01/2017 21:55

I don't know any bisexual people who fancy 50% men and 50% women. They say things like, "Well, about three quarters of the people I fancy are girls and about a quarter are boys." Or, "I guess TECHNICALLY I'm bisexual because I DO fancy men, but it's like one in ten or something so it's easier just to say I'm a lesbian."

Then you get people who have only ever fancied Brian. Or have only ever fancied women - and Brian. Or who used to fancy men and now fancy women. Or only fancy really androgynous-looking people. Or whatever.

Sexuality is weird. It's weird for almost everybody, I'd say. You are what you are. Enjoy it!

Original poster
Zerofucksgivenyes · 26/01/2017 21:56

Dear god no wonder some people are still scared to speak about sexuality if you get jumped on and your words twisted.

Just to make it clear, I love lesbians - heck I fantasise about them every time I fucking orgasm. I don't think they are not normal - how the hell some of you have twisted that from a few words I will never know. What I think it's that I am not normal for being so classically "straight" but get off on women.

Not quite sure how else I can explain that. Jesus Christ

OP posts:
tartansnowman · 26/01/2017 21:57

You are normal, OP!

It is totally normal.

I never fantasise about straight people.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 26/01/2017 22:01

When I was a student, I used to flat share with a couple of girls who went to a a girls boarding school before college...

They both said everyone at school had a crush on the head girl...

Writerwannabe83 · 26/01/2017 22:03

FWIW OP - nothing about your thread title implies bisexuality/homosexuality isn't normal and it's obvious what you meant Flowers

Stormwhale · 26/01/2017 22:04

I don't think it is a spectrum. I think that sexuality is more complicated than that. I don't think fantasising about women means you are a bit less straight and a bit more gay, I think it is just how the especially female sexuality works. There was an experiment about female sexuality that found that women became aroused by looking at far more different categories of porn than men. Straight, lesbian, gay male, even animals mating. Female sexuality is extremely diverse, but it does not mean that the op is actually a bit gay.

I think because women are turned on more in their minds than bodies, the idea of something 'different' or even shocking can be a huge turn on as it is stimulating and mentally arousing.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 26/01/2017 22:05

OP, posters here really like to be pedantic and pick on irrelevant stuff than reading it for what it clearly meant. Ignore it. It is obvious you meant is it normal for a straight woman to get off on lesbian porn.