To think this is a weird thing for MIL to suggest?

[user1477282676]

She's usually nice but can be "full-on".

I've emigrated to DH's home country a year ago...obviously MIL lives here too.

She said yesterday "When you go home to visit, I'll come with you to help with the kids"

And I thought...erm...nope! I don't want it to be about MIL when I go home! I want it to be about my family!

So I said "Erm no...we'll be a bit wrapped up in visiting" and she said "Oh I'd do my own thing"

Except it wouldn't be would it? We'd be getting invitations to places and MIL would be sitting alone in a rental flat!

As if! AIBU to think it's an odd thing to suggest? DH and I have kids but they youngest is almost 9 and the eldest is 12...not small enough to need help with.

So she didn't ask but rather stated she was coming with you - very rude no matter her reasons.

If she does again just say that your family will be looking after the children and that there is no need for her to come.

I didn't get to see the post about not going out as I was posting at the same time. Sorry for the mix up.

I honestly think it's fairly simple, you explain to her that it's a break with just the 4 of you as you have so much to do over there. You don't think it's fair MIL being left on her own. Her motives for going are a bit murky, like is she planning on sight seeing by herself, tagging along with you.

I know you say she has others, do they visit often?

I honestly think she wants a change of scenery, but that isn't what you want so you need to convey that to her, possibly through DH if you don't want to.

I don't believe there is right or wrong on either side. You need to do what makes you happy.

Rain why would you think she wants a change of scenery? She travels a lot actually. LIttle breaks here and there. She's not an elederly grandma type. She's very fit, well off, lots of friends and a job.

I know someone who's in laws(both of them) have done that. Every single time she's gone home they've gone too. It's very unfair, if I were you op I'd book and not tell her! Until the last minute, or just say you appreciate the offer but as you live near her and the kids see her all the time you'd like them to spend as much time as possible with your family and it simply wouldn't suit for her to come

I think it's more to do with her than you. Possibly to show your family just how important she is? What does your DH say about it?

mil tried this when dc were small (she thinks we are mad having 3 with small age gaps). Couldn't think of anything worse, took wks to persuade her i'd be fine on the plane

Our Mils have so much in common OP! Amuses me how people try to justify this 'harmless' suggestion in some way. Of course it's inappropriate, I don't think anyone with a shred of empathy and common respect for adult offspring boundaries, would not realise this is a grossly intrusive suggestion. Well intended or otherwise!

It really is just a request. You can say no. Have you done that OP? Or are you still reeling from this inappropriate, grossly intrusive suggestion from someone who you say is usually nice but who you now are thinking of going NC with?