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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's a nice way to disagree with people on here?

151 replies

user1485424999 · 26/01/2017 10:54

I've posted a few AIBUs under another name. Sometimes it turns out I am being unreasonable. Which is good to know, after all it's why I asked the question.

Some people manage to communicate this very constructively, encouraging you to see it from the other person's perspective, sharing personal experience etc.

However some replies basically seem to take joy in tearing you down, being consescending/dismissive, not really adding anything to the discussion other than how ridiculous they think you are.

AIBU to think that if you disagree with someone, there's always still a respectful way to communicate that?

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 26/01/2017 10:57

YANBU to think what you like OP.

Some OPs are ridiculous and they get more robust replies. Especially when this happens:

OP: AIBU
Everyone: YES!!
OP: No I'm not, you're all mean
Everyone:

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 26/01/2017 10:58

I think it often depends on how the OP is worded, iyswim.

Tries to resist urge to say YABU you stupid idiot Grin

ilovesooty · 26/01/2017 11:00

Some posters don't like receiving opinions which don't validate them, however they're phrased.

Spikeyball · 26/01/2017 11:04

It depends. Some points of view are not deserving of any respect.

MrsJayy · 26/01/2017 11:07

Yes i agree there is ways of speaking to people without being arsey however some op are quite offensive so a bit of robustness is needed

CaraAspen · 26/01/2017 11:09

"SmileEachDay

YANBU to think what you like OP.

Some OPs are ridiculous and they get more robust replies. Especially when this happens:

OP: AIBU
Everyone: YES!!
OP: No I'm not, you're all mean
Everyone: "

Hahaha

user1485342611 · 26/01/2017 11:12

There are some incredibly crass and rude posters on here. I've no idea what their problem is, but they seem to log on for the sole purpose of putting people down and upsetting them. I have encountered some really offensive, nasty posters and you can only feel sorry for any unfortunate children they may have.

CaraAspen · 26/01/2017 11:12

Why don't you have a proper name instead of a long number, OP?

faithinthesound · 26/01/2017 11:14

I just posted an AIBU. I was told I was BU. I've seen enough around here not to have packed a strop - I accepted it, and said so. Seems to have won me a decent amount of goodwill.

I also saw a truly awful thread where literally 95% of people were telling the OP she was BU for doing the thing - but the OP, bold as brass, sat there telling us all about her RIGHTS and the LAW and how WHY SHOULDN'T SHE do the thing. It has descended into unpleasantness as described above. I don't ever want to be THAT OP.

(Please excuse the shameless self promotion here)

SingingInTheRainstorm · 26/01/2017 11:14

It depends I think on what's being said, it can get very heated, as some people are passionate about things.
It's written word too, so if the person replying sounds rude, that not might be their intention. When people are using bad language, then yes, it probably is intended as WTF kind of thing.
Everyone is different and has different standards. I think it can be pretty brutal at times. But good advice I was given, if you don't agree or you get wound up on any social media site, scroll past, for your own sanity.

faithinthesound · 26/01/2017 11:17

CaraAspen
If you weren't going to answer the question, why bother posting in the thread? To mock what others have said and to give OP grief about their name? Seems a bit goady to me, and sort of exactly what the OP was talking about...

gandalf456 · 26/01/2017 11:20

It's OK to disagree but I see no excuse for being rude unless someone else has been rude first. I agree that there is a lot of justifying going on for rudeness on the Internet, in general, not just mumsnet. I can guarantee that most such people would not be as rude IRL. I am a veteran forum user so it's not a case of me being sensitive. I've seen it all. I myself have been far more robust than I normally would be because it's anonymous and no one can punch me. :)))

user1484317265 · 26/01/2017 11:21

However some replies basically seem to take joy in tearing you down, being consescending/dismissive, not really adding anything to the discussion other than how ridiculous they think you are

In your opinion. But its text, so that tone you hear is mainly your own, your bias, your assumptions. You don't like the message and you assume a lot about the manner in which its said.

Maybe people don't respectfully disagree because they don't respect your opinion?

CaraAspen · 26/01/2017 11:21

Asking about the username is valid.

WorraLiberty · 26/01/2017 11:21

I think it really can depend on the OP sometimes, as they can often set the tone for the replies.

But having said that, there are always a handful of posters who are just a bit nasty to everyone really.

But fuck 'em. It's not like you're ever going to meet them in RL, is it?

Pengggwn · 26/01/2017 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gandalf456 · 26/01/2017 11:22

Partly user, but there are some turns of phrase which read rudely, regardless of any perceived tone.

Manumission · 26/01/2017 11:23

It depends. Some points of view are not deserving of any respect.

This.

pipsqueak25 · 26/01/2017 11:23

just what op was suggesting,cara has given an example, now either behave nicely cara or go and play else where Grin

CaraAspen · 26/01/2017 11:23

If grown adults cannot handle a robust forum, they should desist from posting and try Cookery or something - if there is such a thing on offer.

CaraAspen · 26/01/2017 11:26

As a matter of interest, what does the OP think about rude usernames - hers is not one unless it's coded - and revolting swearing as used by many?

gandalf456 · 26/01/2017 11:27

Do you come here to 'handle' it, though? A lot of people post because they are having a tough time and want tea and sympathy. You can tell someone they might not be being all but reasonable in a pleasant way. What would you do if your friend had a problem and wanted to chat about it over coffee? Would you tear her to pieces or gently offer an alternative point of view?

Manumission · 26/01/2017 11:27

Why don't you have a proper name instead of a long number, OP?

It's a fair question. Long strings of numbers for names make the boards more impersonal.

IP is essentially making a plea for excellent manners from behind a balaclava.

CaraAspen · 26/01/2017 11:27

Some people who are forthright here never resort to vulgar language and swearing.

CaraAspen · 26/01/2017 11:28

"gandalf456

Do you come here to 'handle' it, though? A lot of people post because they are having a tough time and want tea and sympathy. You can tell someone they might not be being all but reasonable in a pleasant way. What would you do if your friend had a problem and wanted to chat about it over coffee? Would you tear her to pieces or gently offer an alternative point of view?"

If you want a chat, use the Chat forum?