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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's a nice way to disagree with people on here?

151 replies

user1485424999 · 26/01/2017 10:54

I've posted a few AIBUs under another name. Sometimes it turns out I am being unreasonable. Which is good to know, after all it's why I asked the question.

Some people manage to communicate this very constructively, encouraging you to see it from the other person's perspective, sharing personal experience etc.

However some replies basically seem to take joy in tearing you down, being consescending/dismissive, not really adding anything to the discussion other than how ridiculous they think you are.

AIBU to think that if you disagree with someone, there's always still a respectful way to communicate that?

OP posts:
FizzBombBathTime · 26/01/2017 11:30

If anyone is offended by a bit of swearing, the Huns are that way -->>>

gandalf456 · 26/01/2017 11:30

People do. I've seen it there, too.

Genuine question, though, why would you tear someone apart instead of disagreeing in a measured way? It just creates bad feeling. If you are pleasant, you're still disagreeing so it's not as if you're losing face or being untrue to yourself.

Manumission · 26/01/2017 11:31

A lot of people post because they are having a tough time and want tea and sympathy. You can tell someone they might not be being all but reasonable in a pleasant way. What would you do if your friend had a problem and wanted to chat about it over coffee?

MN is a very supportive place. However you want tea and sympathy it helps if you don't look for it in AIBU Grin

pipsqueak25 · 26/01/2017 11:33

could be just me but there seems to be quite a bit of rehashing similar comments on this thread which is a shame.

gandalf456 · 26/01/2017 11:34

I agree but, objectively, why couldn't we find it in AIBU? We need to change the culture of it a bit.

Manumission · 26/01/2017 11:35

What do you mean pip?

If you're implying Cara and I have some connection you're way off beam. SO far off Grin

The sudden boom in lowercase-numerical NNs is interesting.

CaraAspen · 26/01/2017 11:36

"FizzBombBathTime

If anyone is offended by a bit of swearing, the Huns are that way -->>>"

Au contraire, I am not offended but I know I am better than those who resort to it. It's a valid point.

SmileEachDay · 26/01/2017 11:36

I'll flipping look for support wherever I want Manu. Stop oppressing me.

shakes fist rudely

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 26/01/2017 11:36

It depends. Some points of view are not deserving of any respect.

Am I the only one to see a bit of irony here?

LumelaMme · 26/01/2017 11:36

I don't mind the robust language, but I do object to the unnecessary rudeness of some posters. There's some deliberate unkindness, and nasty little digs of 'The you sound very selfish, OP' variety, when the OP is clearly struggling with the ILs, etc.

AIBU can be a bear pit.

SmileEachDay · 26/01/2017 11:37
CaraAspen · 26/01/2017 11:37

"Manumission

A lot of people post because they are having a tough time and want tea and sympathy. You can tell someone they might not be being all but reasonable in a pleasant way. What would you do if your friend had a problem and wanted to chat about it over coffee?

MN is a very supportive place. However you want tea and sympathy it helps if you don't look for it in AIBU grin"

This^^

LumelaMme · 26/01/2017 11:37

Am I the only one to see a bit of irony here?
No. Grin

FizzBombBathTime · 26/01/2017 11:38

Cara I never said you were offended specifically. I would respectfully disagree with you about being 'better' than anyone.

Manumission · 26/01/2017 11:38

I agree but, objectively, why couldn't we find it in AIBU? We need to change the culture of it a bit.

Posters generally do adjust and respond appropriately wherever a thread is but there is some onus on posters to understand the culture of AIBU FGS. It doesn't need changing. It is what it is.

I'm only ever impolite to bigots, bullies and rude people. I can live with that.

pipsqueak25 · 26/01/2017 11:39

manu now you know what i'm saying just reading this thread is like watching repeats on the bbc ! Grin

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 26/01/2017 11:39

OMG I haven't been flames like I usually get..
I need a strong cup of sweet tea... the shock is too much to bear

Manumission · 26/01/2017 11:40

shakes fist rudely

How rudely? Shock

Manumission · 26/01/2017 11:41

Try Taboo or Hospital pip Smile

SmileEachDay · 26/01/2017 11:41

really rudely.

FizzBombBathTime · 26/01/2017 11:41

Brew for Itis

Have you LTB? Cancelled the cheque?!

pipsqueak25 · 26/01/2017 11:41

its shall i have a go at you instead[ ? Grin Brew and have some Cake

DiggoryDiggoryDelvet · 26/01/2017 11:41

There are some posters who simply are incapable of sticking to the actual issue being discussed, but turn everything into a jab at other posters on a personal level.

There are posters I disagree with strongly but they stick to the facts, not "oooh you misused an apostrophe, you must be really shit at your job HmmHmmHmm." I have respect for those posters.

gandalf456 · 26/01/2017 11:42

[b] but there is some onus on posters to understand the culture of AIBU FGS. It doesn't need changing. It is what it is.[/b]

I disagree. It serves no purpose to the OP, really. It's just a freak show. I don't understand what those responding rudely get out of it really, except to vent their own frustrations on a complete stranger whose problems have nothing to do with them or their life.

pipsqueak25 · 26/01/2017 11:43

manu i'm at the hospital later today thanks, HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT ??? god that's weird - Smile