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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

please help me

71 replies

Beth2511 · 25/01/2017 19:19

i have left an incredibly abusive relationshio with me still currently in our home with 2 year old and 3 month old.

my local social services want to move me 2 hours away which after the brutally honest police statement and the torment of 3 years of hell i honestly feel like i wont cope.

losing my kids is not an option but to stay i would need methods to keep my kids safe in the same town..

please help me see if its possible not to lose everything:(

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 25/01/2017 19:21

So they want you to move to another place and you don't want to go, is that right? Even though he'll come back to torment you?

Original poster
Beth2511 · 25/01/2017 19:22

yes i cant leave the only place i have ever known and move somewhere so isolated

OP posts:
Wishforsnow · 25/01/2017 19:22

You will be so much safer starting fresh in a new home. Try to look at it as an opportunity.

ImperialBlether · 25/01/2017 19:24

Is there a reason why they want you to go somewhere isolated?

You do understand what'll happen if you don't agree to go?

helpimitchy · 25/01/2017 19:27

Social Services might decide that it's too risky for the children to remain with you in that house and remove them for their own safety. You can make the decision to remain because you're an adult, but the children need to be protected.

You should move and start again.

DonkeyOaty · 25/01/2017 19:34

Yes you need to. The alternative could be your children are removed for their safety. Section 47 I think.

I know it seems harsh. So sorry.

saltydogandme · 25/01/2017 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

memyselfandaye · 25/01/2017 19:37

If you stay you just might lose everything, SS may decide you are'nt doing enough to protect your children and remove them.

So you will still be in the same place, minus the children and still be tormented and abused.

It's a no brainer to me, you protect your children no matter what the cost, put them first.

FetchezLaVache · 25/01/2017 19:38

It's an incredibly tough thing to face when you're already feeling chewed up and spat out, but it might be the best thing ever for you and the DCs in the long term. In the short term, it's obviously the only way to ensure your safety, given that he knows where you live.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 25/01/2017 19:38

You need to put the kiddies safety first in this situation!

2hrs away is not that far away. Your family etc will still be able to visit!
They won't be moving you for the hell of it. Yours and your kids safety is obviously at quite high risk staying where you are

MuteButtonisOn · 25/01/2017 19:38

It's so unfair they can't make the abusive fucker move instead.
It's so unfair but you can do it. Just think of it as the next step, don't panic, take each day by itself and don't worry about the future. You have been very brave and you can do it.

DrRichardKimble · 25/01/2017 19:39

I would move, sorry. My dc's safety would be my main concern (as I'm sure yours is) so for their sake I would make a new start. Can social services not put you in touch with other services to help you settle in?

Allthewaves · 25/01/2017 19:41

You need to keep your family safe so if you need to move 2 hours away then then that's what you have to do. It's not fair bit your saftey and your children's is the most important thing

DontTouchTheMoustache · 25/01/2017 19:42

Flowers well done for getting help and leaving him op, I'm sorry you are going through this. But the safety of you and your children has to come first, for the time being you need to go. You hear awful stories of families being murdered by abusive partners. I don't want to scare you but it's a horribly real fact and you don't want to be one of them.

Isadora2007 · 25/01/2017 19:44

Of course they could move him but then he STILL knows where the OP and the kids are.
That's just not worth the risk imho. Awful though it may be the alternative is far far worse. So sorry OP and I wish you every strength for your new move.

KlingybunFistelvase · 25/01/2017 19:46

You won't lose everything by moving. It could even be a fresh start for you all. It will be tough, and it's incredibly unfair, but I don't think it sounds like staying in the same town as your ex is an option. Sorry.

Well done for getting help; it's such a brave thing you've done for you and your children. Really, well done.

NavyandWhite · 25/01/2017 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AyeAmarok · 25/01/2017 19:53

Do you have a support network where you are?

Mumofttwins · 25/01/2017 19:57

Well done for being so brave Flowers

I think it'll be taken out of your hands, if you decide to stay living there.

There's obviously reasons you're being asked to move. I wouldn't think twice tbh.

TreeTop7 · 25/01/2017 20:02

Try to see it as a fresh start. A new life. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 25/01/2017 20:06

Moving is such a tough thing to do anyway and that's with a normal relationship and some choice in the matter.

OP I think pp have made it clear that you really do have to move. But perhaps if you keep posting then MN can offer you some moral support and keep pointing you in the right direction.

I have moved and been isolated and that was hard enough without the baggage you are carrying. But perhaps you can take practical steps, such as:

  • look up the local children's centres in the area they will support you
  • look up baby and toddler groups
  • see if there may be some nursery your dc can go to
  • check out where the nearest supermarket, post office and bank are to give you some level of orientation

Doing these things will help you not to focus 100% on the fear and stress but allow you to see that you can build a life up again. It's hard but you can do it, you really can.

JontyDoggle37 · 25/01/2017 20:13

OP you are a tower of strength for getting to now. Scary as moving away sounds, it will make you rest easier, because he won't know where you are. And you have all of this lovely community on MN to help you find friends, activities and even the best local shops in your new location - just make sure there is no chance your ex can guess your password, and you already have an inbuilt support network for your move. Breathe deep, believe in you, and step into your amazing future. ❤ (very un-mumsnetty I know, but there's a time and a place!)

Hedgehog80 · 25/01/2017 20:15

It will be very disruptive for your dc and upsetting for you to feel isolated.
Change the locks and call 999 if he comes back and do so each time and can you get some kind of court order to make sure he stays away?

You're the victim why should you have to lose your home and stability

Original poster
Beth2511 · 25/01/2017 20:16

they made it seem yesterday that if i did the statement they were happy i was keeping them safe. feel so trapped. wish id never told the truth because i cant cope with all this

OP posts:
Olympiathequeen · 25/01/2017 20:19

I would move and at least be safe. That would be my priority. Ensure things like electoral roll and friends don't disclose your address otherwise it will have been for nothing. If it were me I would move even further.

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