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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

please help me

71 replies

Beth2511 · 25/01/2017 19:19

i have left an incredibly abusive relationshio with me still currently in our home with 2 year old and 3 month old.

my local social services want to move me 2 hours away which after the brutally honest police statement and the torment of 3 years of hell i honestly feel like i wont cope.

losing my kids is not an option but to stay i would need methods to keep my kids safe in the same town..

please help me see if its possible not to lose everything:(

OP posts:

Miserylovescompany2 · 25/01/2017 20:56

You are essentially being given a fresh start. Grab it with both hands. You will adapt to new surrounding, you be given help and support.

Your children can't protect themselves, they can't get themselves to a safe place. If something else happens to you, what happens to them.

He hasn't broken you...YET! He will if you stay.

alitee36 · 25/01/2017 21:00

Refuges now are lovely places, the local ones here are new flats, really well decorated, lots of people there to support you and the children.The other residents are in similar situations so they know what you're going through. The staff are great at providing support and looking after you. They have great security too so you'll know you're safe. They give you a bit of time and space to make plans for the future, when you feel ready.

Original poster

Beth2511 · 25/01/2017 21:18

im jusr going to have to admit i cant keeo them safe here

OP posts:

Original poster

Beth2511 · 25/01/2017 21:19

losing the kids is not an option

OP posts:

BeachyKeen · 25/01/2017 21:22

I know it's hard,but this is the time to be brave. You can do this, for you and the kids

Crispbutty · 25/01/2017 21:26

It will seem daunting but you can do it. Think of being able to go out without being in fear. Taking the kids to parties and play dates. You will make new friends and a new life in no time.

Original poster

Beth2511 · 25/01/2017 21:35

thank you all for talking sense into me. so so so heartbroken

OP posts:

thickgit · 25/01/2017 22:41

Your situation sounds so awful. It doesn't seem that you have a choice so please try and focus on the positives, the main one being the safety of your children, and yours of course. Although it's devastating and terribly daunting, you will cope and you will be so proud of your courage. Things will be so different in a months time, in a years time etc. Being strong is empowering. Even if you don't feel strong, making the move is being extremely strong. It won't take long to start building fresh networks. You can do this. Have faith that you will be okay. Take care and all the best x

CookieLady · 25/01/2017 22:49

Op, you've taken the first step in trying to secure a better future for your kids and yourself. You can move and you'll cope. Start a thread in relationships. Very knowledgeable and supportive bunch of posters on there. Wishing you all the best.

Original poster

Beth2511 · 25/01/2017 23:26

i have made a list of questions for the morning when i have my meeting.

all the essentials are packed. i just need them to promise they wont let my babies be hurt by him anymore. he has already said he will hurt them to hurt me

OP posts:

ohfourfoxache · 25/01/2017 23:36

Beth I remember you

Look at you! Do you remember your first few threads? Where you were so terrified and reluctant to finish this "relationship"? I do. Look at how far you've come. You've been so strong and you should be so proud of yourself.

Can you tell us what sort of part of the country it is? North south east west? Middle? I don't want you to compromise your safety, but I'm sure you'll find other MNetters in the area so that you won't feel quite so alone?

ohfourfoxache · 25/01/2017 23:37

Fwiw I'm sort of NW Middlesex

FetchezLaVache · 26/01/2017 08:01

he has already said he will hurt them to hurt me

Oh, my poor love. What absolute shit you've been through. However, this actually makes the decision for you. You can't risk it.

You sound strong. You must be, to have done what you've done up to this point. You can do this. You can.

Megatherium · 26/01/2017 08:10

You'll feel so much better when you're not constantly worrying when your abuser will turn up. Having young children is a great way to start building new networks, because you can join mother and baby groups and will get to know parents of other children in the nursery, and you will find out via them what else is available in the area in question. You've already done something incredibly difficult in breaking away, you've proved how strong you are - you can do it again!

acornsandnuts · 26/01/2017 08:21

You are strong. So much stronger than a lot of women. You need to do this for your children, a refuge with women who have been through this and have seen the other side is a really supportive place to be. For you and your babies.

TheProblemOfSusan · 26/01/2017 09:11

You are doing so well. Look at you. You're frightened and unsure and worried about the change and yet you're coming here and letting all these sensible people help you, you're giving yourself the gift of thinking this through carefully and allowing yourself to change your mind if you need to.

Echoing the people who think you're right to move if SS have suggested it. They are massively over subscribed so if they're giving you a place they know it's because you need to it keep your babies safe.

You've got this.

Mumofttwins · 26/01/2017 13:36

I just wanted to tell you that you ARE NOT pathetic. At all. You are a bloody strong woman, who has clearly had years of abuse.

It's clear that you will do ANYthing it takes to protect your DC. You're just rightfully terrified of all the questions spinning around your head.

How did your meeting go this morning? By that, I mean did it help to clear anything up for you and did you get your questions answered.

From a pp, it seems like this could be life-changing. For the better.

Original poster

Beth2511 · 26/01/2017 23:24

they have suggested i can protect them here. i want to move away anyway i just want to move somehwere i have family, not the middle of bloody nowhere.

he got charged today with assault and threats to kill so is bailed to stay away for now.

OP posts:

montezumasrevenge · 26/01/2017 23:41

Just go, give in and go.
It will be so hard, but the alternative would be much, much worse.
The best thing you can do is parent your kids, if ss think the best way for you to do that is by going, then go.
I'm so sorry

Original poster

Beth2511 · 28/01/2017 09:05

social services have done a u turn and have decided that now i have calmed down a lot and thinking more rationally that i am able to keep them safe here. i have put in a lot of plans in order to keep them safe and this case is going to MARAC.

OP posts:

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 28/01/2017 16:23

OP I hope it all works out for you and your dc. The fact that you are/were prepared to move to keep them safe says a lot about how strong you are and what a good Mum you are.

As a safety point - to reiterate pp, especially if you are moving: please do not disclose details of your location or pm other posters
You mentioned upthread about grandparents and being near family. I think you should ask mnhq to remove this info as if your situation is so serious there should be no identifying info at all if your ex were to find this thread.

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