to not want our daughter to have the surname 'Perfect'?

[Brooks10]

Our daughter is due any day. We have decided on her first name, but are struggling with the surname. We are not married. He wants his surname (which I actually don't mind, as in don't mind her having just his surname) but his surname is Perfect. It's not unreasonable to think that's not a great surname is it?? He thinks it's a great surname to have, so which is it?? A bad or good surname to have? I think it's really bad tbh. Mind you, it doesn't sound that great hyphenated either, does it?

I went to military cadets with a girl whose surname was "Precious". That's fine in of itself but then you had her first name... Princess.

Unsurprisingly, even at 14, she hated this BUT admitted she didn't mind her surname, just the way it sounded with Princess coming as her first name. Just don't give her a first name that should be a title/adjective and you should be fine.

Regardless of how it sounds, I would want my children to have my name, at least as part of their name. I've kept my maiden name and also took my husband's name once children were born (not double barrelled). My children have my maiden name and my husband's surname (again not double barrelled). My husband has his mother's maiden name as one of his middle names. I guess it's a variation of the Spanish approach and it works for us.

If I hadn't been married I would have insisted my surname was the children's surname, particularly for travel purposes but also the principle, I want to have the same surname as my children because they are my children and I want that to be unequivocal to the outside world, without the need for explanation.

If an unmarried partner wants name included that's fine but as an automatic assumption it will be the child's surname because of historic patriarch tradition, not a good enough reason. Not saying that's the case for you OP and your partner but I know some women who are not married (some who would like to be) and have automatically given their children the father's surname because that's what generally happens. But I don't see why it should have to be like that.

Call her Little Miss

Our DS was born 5 months ago - DP & I aren't married and double-barrelling the surname would have been quite long (4 syllables).

I didn't want DS to just have DP's surname and vice versa, so we came up with a different solution - we merged our surnames.

So far the reception from everyone (except one of DP's brothers) has been positive.

I guess there are some surnames that shouldn't be combined but you could try playing around with different combinations - Perfield, etc.?

I think marriage is a red herring.
You, your DP and child can have any name or combination of names irrespective of marriage. You could give the baby his surname and choose to adopt that name too if you wanted the same name, he could change his name to yours, anything. You could be married, keep your own name, give that name to the baby.

What's the big deal with marriage in all of this, that posters keep mentioning?

The only issue for me would be if you have avoided marriage because you don't view the relationship as a couple as permanent. In which case I would say 'your surname'. But others would say the opposite , as an attempted tactic to keep a flaky Dad involved. For example.

No grief or PITA for my Dc hyphenated surname, and loads of friends have hyphenated names. It is pretty usual now.

In my class at school,three boys were called Lovely, Darling and Sweet.

Oh, and DP & I have been together 7.5 years, have lived together for 7 years, own a house together and both view our relationship as permanent. Even with all of this, we don't feel the need to get married - as PPs have said, making marriage an issue here is a complete red herring.

My ex had to go to see a cardiologist once and his surname was Pepper so he was Dr Pepper....I suspect he was so misunderstood.
I also know a doctor with the surname Payne, personally that would make me nervous....

DH is Spanish and can trace back 22 surnames, it's fascinating (especially as he is Spanish-Irish-French-German )

Perfect Mayfield would make a great surname. Actually Perfect on its own is fine, people would know it is a surname, not a chosen name like Princess - now that os really precious.

Try it out with the firstname/middle names that you and DP have in mind, eg:
Emily Sophie Perfect Mayfield
Felicity Mary Perfect Mayfield
Lucy Claire Perfect Mayfield

Etc.

I have met plenty of people with odd-sounding names ("Richard Gooley - please call me Dick" springs to mind). I went to school with a Grace Deathridge - how bloody cool is that?

I knew a Biggerdyke, Gay and Haggis

I know a Twococks and a Randee.

Please give her his surname and call her Polly.

Dan Haggis is AWESOME! I may change mine by deedpoll to that

I regret giving my second child DP's surname, and so we've deedpolled it to mine, and whilst not a complete pain in the bum, it's not been a total walk in the park either.

Whereas if we'd given him mine, and wanted to change it to DP's it would have been no problem - they'd even have given us an updated birth certificate with the new name (I asked about this, and apparently it's a 'courtesy'. A courtesy granted to men, but not to women it seems)

We had a surgeon at the hospital once called Mr Dick. His first name started with an A. Why don't parents think?

I knew a Longmaid... and she was always torn between loving it, and hating it!

A double surname (as in, Perfect-Mayfield, or Mayfield-Perfect, hyphanated or not...) isn't necessarily the trouble that a lot of people seem to think that it is. My DC have a double surname. My DD (20) uses the full surname, thinks it's great, especially when coupled with her unusually spelled first name (which is, actually, the proper spelling from a country of her genetic origins!). My son (12), meanwhile, has dropped half of it and goes by my name. Legally, both surnames have to be acknowledged by/for my son on documents (passport, drivers license when he's old enough, etc.), but it's his choice to use the name he prefers.

My name, incidentally, is not my maiden name, nor my married name. I loathed my maiden name, and have never married. I simply changed my surname by deed poll when I was old enough to do so. The fact that I chose my maternal great-grandparents name is twofold - they were fantastic people and I wanted to honour them, and also... my mother was born "out of wedlock" (as my grandmother always politely referred to it) and had her mother's maiden name as a surname. When her mother married, my mother's name was changed - from one which she loved, which had helped to form her identity, which bonded her with the people who adored her... to one which she hated, and felt bound her to a stepfather whom she loathed (although he was a fantastic grandfather, I understand that he wasn't as ready for a petulant seven year old version of my mother throwing him into parenthood as he thought he was!).

My advice, OP, is that you double surname your baby. That way, whether her father and you marry or not, the choice as to which surname she prefers is up to her and she has the option of either using her father's, yours, or both (or changing it by deed poll at some stage!). My DS was 4 when he dropped his father's surname. He was very firm about it, and still is. But he still has the option of using it as and when he feels like doing so, because... legally it's part of his surname. Surely it's better, and less hassle, for your baby to have the freedom of choice over her name when she's old enough to understand how they shape and identify us?

Mayfield is a much better name than Perfect.

Also, I think the surname of the parent who will be the principle carer should be used. If the woman is planning to be a SAHM or go part time while the man stays full time, child should have her name. And vice versa for SAHDs. Basically whoever is spending the most time with the child.

Partly because in the event of a split it's nice for the SP family to all have the same surname; partly because if you are the one with them at official things you are clearly the relation; partly because names are a sign of belonging, and it seems odd to me that the parent doing the heavy lifting to keep the family running smoothly should be the 'odd one out' so to speak.

That's a brilliant surname! I don't see the problem.

Personally, I think having three or four surnames will earn you more grief in the playground than the surname perfect.

Yes, and my point was that it doesn't happen.

I know a family called Precious, and one called Christmas.

Felicity Perfect-Christmas anyone?

Out of curiosity, what happens when someone with a double barrelled surname has a child but doesn't get married? Is it a case of the child not inheriting one of the existing surnames or adding an extra one or is it a case of doing what you want? Is there a general rule with it? I think that Perfect is a nice surname but as a bloke, I completely understand why a woman should not feel obliged to take the man's surname.

Only read first page, but a vote for your name. Children take the mother's name. That might be the father's name if they are married and the mother has taken the husband's name. So if you married him would you take his name? If not, don't give it to your children. If you would take his name, still give her your name and it can be changed when you marry.

Give her your name. Not only is Perfect awful but you have carried her and will birth her.

My best friend is married to a Pratt. I once dated a guy with Darling as his surname. Perfect isn't too bad, but if the first name does not fit, then maybe yours will? I suppose it is how it sounds really. My parents gave me a complicated name, that I have to spell every time. Just don't leave her with a curse! x

I once knew a woman whose surname was Toplis. She became a teacher, and had to use her mother's maiden name or her pupils couldn't stop falling about the place laughing.

So Perfect doesn't seem so bad to me. But if one of you really doesn't like it it's not unreasonable not to use it. I'm a big believer in giving a child the name that sounds nicest, regardless of which parent grew up with it.