to not want our daughter to have the surname 'Perfect'?

[Brooks10]

Our daughter is due any day. We have decided on her first name, but are struggling with the surname. We are not married. He wants his surname (which I actually don't mind, as in don't mind her having just his surname) but his surname is Perfect. It's not unreasonable to think that's not a great surname is it?? He thinks it's a great surname to have, so which is it?? A bad or good surname to have? I think it's really bad tbh. Mind you, it doesn't sound that great hyphenated either, does it?

Who would want to be Miss or Mrs Perfect? Can you imagine the teasing at school?

As you are not married, I'd always go with your surname. If it goes pair shaped you won't be able to change it to yours in the future without his consent. Much nicer to have a child with your own name, easier too as people naturally assume mum has the same name.

Lass the issues I've come across are mainly about being fairly frequently called the wrong name or having the wrong name entered into databases, or just having to correct assumptions about your role in your child's life. And occasionally being asked for the birth certificate in situations when others are not. None of it is insurmountable though.

The issue with being asked for documentation at passport control is one that the press sometimes have a flurry of articles about, but I don't think I know anyone who's had that problem. Given there are different cultural norms about names in different countries, it would seem odd to insist on an anglo-centric norm at a border crossing, though may be they only do it with UK passports. So I don't know if that is something that happens really or not.

You bore her for 9 months. You gave birth to her. If you want to call her your surname, do so. If or when you get married, you can always think again. Personally if I weren't married, I'd want my child to have my name. Dh and and I are double barrelled. He didn't want me just to have his surname and we therefore both agreed to take both names. Dd prefers my surname. ☺️

It's not the worst, but if your not married, I'd give his surname as a middle name and yours as the surname (and another middle name to avoid a sentence).

I have my mum's surname - that's the default for bastards. Excluding husbands, fathers who wish to be known as such have to appear in person before the registrar.

I know so many women who regret giving their children their father's name rather than their own. Some split up, some still together. Think of all the future problems with travelling abroad when you don't have the same name as your children plus having to perpetually correct schools and doctors etc etc. Plus being the only one in the family with a different name.

But couldn't the same be said of fathers or are they less important?

I'd definitely double barrel it if I wasn't married to the dad - I'd feel odd my child having a different surname to me. Both Mayfield Perfect and the other was around sound ok

The surname isn't wonderful but it's not that bad. Just wanted to add that I have a different surname to my mum and it has literally never been an issue. I love my dad even though mum and dad are divorced. And my family with the other name love me just as much despite not having surname.

If it helps to put things in prospective my childhood dentist was called Mr. Walley

I think he'd have preferred Mr. Perfect

my dentist's name was dr. hack. that's worse i think.

Perfect is risky but I think it's cool. Your surname is fine, but unremarkable. I'm married but kept my name. Baby is X Y myname dadsname with my name as a middle name. I don't feel that us having different surnames makes her any less my daughter. We've done 3 years so far and it hasn't caused any problems - although no border crossings without dad.

I think it's grea and was going to say call her Penelope and see someone else has already suggested it.

Penelope Perfect is the best name ever.

But couldn't the same be said of fathers or are they less important?
Hang on - are you saying the mother is less important? The father could always change his name if he wanted. But the stats show that the majority of parents who do the majority of child work are the mothers. And that suggests that for practical reasons, the mother and child should share a last name. Especially as has already been pointed out, if they get married, it's easy to change everyone's names. If the parents spilt, than its far more difficult. No one is suggesting his name is completely left out, just not the surname.

I really like Perfect, I think it's a lovely name! And why wouldn't you want to call your baby Perfect, she will be won't she?

Kids all get picked on over something. You're being too thin skinned about it.

I think it's fine. I have a similar name (albeit my married one) and the SmallDragons all have it and have not had any problems. Double barrelled wouldn't have worked in our case because my maiden name was a noun but yours would work as Perfect-May Feel.

Given an equal choice between Mayfield and Perfect I would choose Mayfield.

Perfect is not a surname I would want for myself. Not the wordt thing that could happen , but if there is a good alternative then why use it?

Perfect Mayfield is OK.

But I would only ever give my child my surname or both, anyway.

Do not double barrel, whatever you do.

I come from an old family name, therefore my maiden name was double barrelled. I spent whole days of my life spelling it out and telling people it wasn't hyphenated. It wasn't just a pain at school but as an adult having the world's longest email address also wore thin very quickly.

The "new" concept of parents just lumping their names together is regarded as pretentious especially among old hat. What happens when the double barrelled children then want to have children and double barrel - do you end up collecting surnames and have an absolutely ridiculous surname?

Just give her your name if you don't like his.

The "new" concept of parents just lumping their names together is regarded as pretentious especially among old hat.

I couldn't give a shit what "old hat" think.

What happens when the double barrelled children then want to have children and double barrel - do you end up collecting surnames and have an absolutely ridiculous surname?

The Spanish manage just fine.

Regardless of name, I would always want my kids to have my name. So if not married would've been my maiden name and dh could've changed his on marriage if wanted.

The Spanish manage just fine.

Personally, I think having three or four surnames will earn you more grief in the playground than the surname perfect.

I just can't understand why creating a double barrel for your child is a go to - it is such a PITA for the child.

I love the name Perfect but then I love Christine Perfect.

You should call the baby Priti

I agree with those who say go with Mayfield and change later on if you want to if/when you take your DH's surname.

I don't think Mayfield Perfect sounds too bad BUT it could get abbreviated to MP . . . and you may not want your DD to be labelled - or lumbered - with that!

My dd is a Valentine and was born on Valentine's Day! , I sometimes call her Shirley, she is 5

I don't like joke names, so no I wouldn't use it.

Give her your name because you are not married. The mum has the closest link to the child. Why should you use his name? For whatever reason you have decided not to commit to get married, perhaps you are not sure of the relationship. Much better for her to have the same name as you.