MIL and being obese TWO

[YellowBlinds]

original thread

Hi, I know a few people didn't like the title before and I'm sorry for repeating it but I figured it would be the best marker, as its what I used before . Honestly, no offence intended.

I think that went as well as anyone could have hoped for. I hope she upholds her end of the bargain!

Go Mryellow!

Glad "the talk" has happened. I too would like to know what she really wants when all the histrionics are happening & she is "locked out".... why does she so desperately need to come in ? I agree that if she could answer this question, your Mr yellow might be able to rationalise her out of it.

Also, Can OH avoid telling her when he is to be away overnight ?
I imagine that any relapse will happen when she knows he isn't there to see it.
You need a rest Yellow !

I agree with the pp who says access to food could be a large factor here.
Well done mr. Yellow (and you) - very calm and adult way of handling the situation. However, I feel it's unlikely that someone with such extreme behaviour is going to behave after a single talking to. Hope you can relax a bit now though

She sounds like an addict!

Unbeknownst to her, we're looking for somewhere else to live.
Still reasonably local but too far away to "just swing round".
I showed DH these threads over the weekend and he said the thing that stood out to him is the comment that "she won't get better with age" and the comments about how she would be when/if we have kids.
We had a big old talk about it, and again this afternoon, and we feel we've somewhat put a plaster on a breaking dam - we need a longer term solution.

My main concern is that she'll act loads better, and then we move and she'll feel betrayed. But... It feels like the best decision

I think moving would be very wise. Well done, both of you.

Yellow you poor things to have to go through this upheaval, but I do think it's the best thing.

My suspicion is that after a period of good behaviour she will slip again, but she will just find other outlets: so she'll take you exactly on your word to not let herself in / hammer on the door, but she'll take to breaking into your garden to rake up your leaves or something, and when asked not to fly off the handle and say "but you NEVER MENTIONED you didn't want me to do this, every single thing I do you turn around and tell me off for it, I can't do anything right, etc etc etc..."

Basically I fear she will abide the letter of the law but not the spirit of it, and you'll end up locked in an absurd escalating process where she invents new ways to be intrusive quicker than you can ban them.

I think it sounds like the safest decision- if you hope to have any form of relationship with her then I think you need to have that distance.

However when she finds out she is going to have the absolute mother of all tantrums. But it sounds like you and dh are on the same page and very strong, and I have no doubt that together you'll weather the storm

She's already betrayed your good will by behaving in this atrocious manner for so long.

I will again suggest that if you put your home on the market, do not put a sign up in the front garden. You can have it so it's only listed online. Tell her after the deal is done.

I think you're doing the right thing by moving!

I would suggest that when/if you sell, you insist that the estate agent does not put a 'For Sale' sign up in front of your house. Can you imagine the trouble she'd cause if she knew you were trying to sell and thought she could put the buyers off!??

Your best hope is to have it on the market without drawing too much attention on the street and hope that you can show enough people round to get it sold before she cottons on.

Neighbours notice though, especially if they're constantly looking!

Our neighbour asked me if we were moving after seeing a couple leave holding details, you can't really explain that away...

Also tell them to used unmarked Estate Agent cars.

If people are working, they may not notice. Especially if you're showing people around yourself. You work from home. You well might be able to get away with it.

Well done, Yellow - FWIW I think you're doing exactly the right thing

I just hope you can keep it from her as long as possible; I think you said it was a very small community, and IME word spreads like wildfire in such areas

I think it's a great plan, the only one that will force long term and sustainable change on her part and allow you to keep having a relationship with her, well done mr & mrs blinds!

As a child we moved house at least partly because my grandmother kept appearing unannounced. I don't think she did quite what your MIL has done, but I am too young to remember and she did develop problematic behaviour when I was older, so maybe she did do crazy stuff when I was young too. But you are not alone in moving away to stop this sort of thing. We ended up 30min by car away and that worked very well. No one wants to make a 1 hour round trip on the off chance of someone being in.

The day our house went on right move I was asked where we were moving to at the school gates, a couple of hours later. I thought we could discreetly sell before telling people, but the whole community knew within days.

When you do put your house on the market, it would be best to tell her face to face first.

I'm glad your DH is addressing her behaviour. I hope you both keep talking and are united.

Also agree with moving, but don't relate it to her behaviour.

Don't be too hasty, wait & see if she can be "trained", once DH finally stands up for you, shuts her out if necessary, walks out when she is hysterical, tells her you will be moving.... there is maybe a chance she will reign it in ?
Also considering it was because FIL was in bad health you moved there, DH should remind him that if he doesn't bloody get involved in stopping her lunacy he/they will be on his own again.

But it doesn't matter if the neighbours know, does it? There are only like five of them, they can be briefed not to mention it to her, and FIL can know. Is it likely MIL will keep an eye on the internet for signs of a listing?

Given the cost and up heaval of moving. I would wait a few months to see if she does get better.
You chose that house for a reason. You comment that you don't want to move too far away, unless you are going to move a minimum of 4 miles / hours walk away, then it could be pointless.
You never know she might decide to get fit, and use the walk between their house and yours as a "training" route.

Sounds like a good start! (wishes there was a [beer] emoticon)

[beer] [beer] [beer]

Well done, Mr Blinds! So often on these threads, posters have a DH issue as much as a MIL issue. He's handled it very well and good on you both for the calm and combined attitude.

I definitely think move - there will be drama originally but I think this will be the only way in the long term. Ideally about twenty minutes away! Close enough to visit but far enough away to not be accessible easily.

I also think move - if and when you have babies you won't be 'working' and she'll be round every day to 'help'

I think she thinks you moved to be her mate -