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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dog poo warning picture

135 replies

fizzingmum · 23/01/2017 22:04

So my OH doesn't like our dog. He is an excitable puppy (it was agreed we could get him for the kids) but very loving and gentle with our new baby. All the kids love him and he is my little companion whilst on maternity leave. As a young dog he sometimes has accidents indoors. Tonight he pooped in the hallway. My OH stood in it and dragged it up the stairs. Not an accidental smudge but a deliberate protest against the dog. I feel he has done it on purpose and he denies this. However he only has dog Poo on one shoe so unless he was hopping up the stairs I don't see how this is an accident. It has been ground into the carpet. And it's not the first time, it's the third time. Last time he said he hadn't noticed he had stepped in it until he reached the top of the stairs, ensuring it was on every step along the way (again how unless he was hopping). And he was barefoot! How the hell do you not notice you have stepped in dog Poo when barefoot. I'm not sure if he is punishing me for not letting him out or if he is building a case to get rid of the dog. That won't happen as he is part of the family and I have made that clear. So my AIBU, he has called me crazy and stupid this evening for suggesting this was anything other than an accident. I don't see how it could be anything other than deliberate. AIBU to accuse him of this. Sorry about the photo and the rant.

OP posts:

OutToGetYou · 24/01/2017 12:26

Can't believe that when he knows the dog needs to go out he calls for one of you to open a fucking door - what an idiot.

So, three kids are yours and the baby is your joint child? Hmm...how old is the baby? How is OH with the baby then?

spongebob5 · 24/01/2017 12:27

I think it was deliberate. My DP had trodden dog poo onto the stair carpet a few years ago, it was underneath his cycling shoes (walked up the garden in the dark)but was a small patch, nothing like in your picture. I'd be furious at this, especially as he's done it before. It's one thing not liking the dog but smearing it over your stair carpet?! He needs to grow the fuck up! Your Dpup is gorgeous

IRegretNothing · 24/01/2017 12:55

He has been a complete tosser.
But, in the same way he's rubbing dog shit all over the stairs carpet, are you rubbing the dog in his face? If you and you oh share a bed, and oh doesn't like the dog, why are you allowing the dog in the bed? Surely that's just inviting resentment having the dog invade his personal space? Perhaps he feels let down by the way you may not have trained him properly?
I adopted two cats after xmas. Dh wasn't hugely keen but he's never ben a dick to them. They've not had any accidents but if they had, he would be annoyed, but not a dick.
Seeing as I mainly wanted the cats we have drew up rules in advance-no cats in his bed, I am responsible for litter tray and food etc, house hoovered daily (unless I'm ill, in which case he would step up anything else would be cruel).
Perhaps you need something like this.
It's quite harmonious actually. I caught dh taking pictures of the sleeping cats the other day

Headofthehive55 · 24/01/2017 13:02

IT seems to me you are choosing the dog over him - and have said as much. You wanted the nice country house, a new baby but not the man to go with it?

Original poster

fizzingmum · 24/01/2017 13:06

2 kids are mine, 1 is DSS with us half the week. Baby is 6 months old and adores Cooper! He only comes into my bed when OH isn't there, when he leaves for work etc.
OH is amazing with all the kids and a great dad to our baby. In fact I've said before he is amazing in almost every other way (we all have little peeves, nothing significant). Anyone who knows him would never believe he would do it on purpose, but I just cannot believe that the shit ground itself into the carpet. Just can't prove it!

OP posts:

Original poster

fizzingmum · 24/01/2017 13:08

Headifthehive - that's a huge leap, projecting much? . I have light heartedly said he would go before the dog. My point is just like children the dog is part of the family and not going anywhere.

OP posts:

raspberrysuicide · 24/01/2017 13:14

Get rid of him and keep the dog!

IRegretNothing · 24/01/2017 13:20

What do you think you'll do op?
I'd be furious if my dh did something like that deliberately. But if he promised to be more careful I'd let it go. Tbh, stepping in dog shit is deeply unpleasant so you'd think he'd have learnt to scan the carpets as he walked by now.

Do you think the way forward might be to sit down and have a frank discussion? I'm sure you can come to a compromise and harmony will be restored.
I don't know about french bulldogs and whether they are protective or one person dogs? Maybe you could commit to some training if (like I said I don't know, Cooper could be the best behaved dog in the world!) say, he's territorial. My dad's yorkie is lovely but she is somewhat protective of him and can yap at us or gatecrash us sat on the sofa together and push herself between my dad and others.
Is there any way you could make sure you spend lots of time with cooper thru the day but ensure Cooper is dog bed in the evening when you and dh are on sofa together. It just seems like there's also resentment and jealousy.

Apologies if I'm totally wrong and that's not the core issue here.

IRegretNothing · 24/01/2017 13:26

And, as a tip, (you've probably already resolved to do this) try to let the dog outside for ten minutes before you start something that can't be interrupted like sleep training. I guess if it wasn't so cold, you could let him out for a bit longer at tje same time each evening.

twocockersarebetterthanone · 24/01/2017 14:14

Try raw feeding. Small non smelly poo 😜

Headofthehive55 · 24/01/2017 14:36

I think if you are even light heartedly saying he would go before the dog, letting dog into your bed ( ugh unless you change the sheets- perhaps he's not that keen on that ) you are having rows about it, including suggesting you aren't getting rid of it, you are giving the dog a higher priority than your DH.
That's how it appears.

OutToGetYou · 24/01/2017 14:37

"He only comes into my bed when OH isn't there, when he leaves for work etc. "

I love dogs, we've had our own, fostered 12, and we walk other people's for them and have them stay overnight. But I do not allow any in the bed.

I'd be livid if my bed smelt of dog and OH said it was OK because the dog only went in the bed after I got up.

Headofthehive55 · 24/01/2017 14:40

I guess he gave into pressure from you, not understanding just quite what an impact it would have on him. He perhaps imagined a dog quietly in a basket, not in his bed.

mainlywingingit · 25/01/2017 23:32

Hmmm it's so weird and passive aggressive to rub poo in the carpet. Can imagine this kind of dislike creeping into abuse when you are not around to be honest. Your OH sounds creepy. Sorry!

RosyGold · 25/01/2017 23:40

Omg nothing to add or advise but what a cute little man!!!! How could anyone refuse that little face!!!! He is beautiful OP!! Dying for a dog of our own but we are waiting until our one year old is a bit older and we have a bigger house but ohhhhh he is so cute I want one for my very own!!! ❤❤❤

kittybiscuits · 25/01/2017 23:41

You should rub his face in it so he learns not to do it again. That's your husband. Not the dog, obviously.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 26/01/2017 00:02

I don't think you sound suited either. Both of you haven't respected the other's true feelings. I can't help but feeling that you probably went on and on about getting a dog and wore your other half down till he said what he said about not wanting anything to do with it.

Letting the dog into your OH's bed in those circumstances? Well, to my mind that's no different to rubbing dog shit up the stairs. You let the dog sleep in your OH's bed, for god'/ sake! That's so fuckif disrespectful of his feelings, it has really coloured my judgement of all your other comments and unfortunately I'm starting to see you as quite manipulative.

RB68 · 26/01/2017 00:11

I would go and find his favourite jumper and use that to mop up whilst packing him a suitcase with said jumper in and showing him the bloody door, foul and disgusting especially with children in the house

hahahaIdontgetit · 26/01/2017 00:22

Yes it's deliberate, and no way can you step in dog poo with bare feet and not notice. What pathetic behaviour.

UnderbeneathsiesTheMistletoe · 26/01/2017 00:40

Your dp sounds creepy and abusive. three times eh?

Are your children safe? I don't think your dog is. And I wonder if you are.

I think I'd ask him to leave.

He's not a nice man op.
And I think I'd go as far as to say I suspect that he's dangerous actually.

There is a strong correlation between men who are cruel to animals (not letting them out to poo) and those who are cruel to other living beings.(leaving a child in a too hot bath, delaying a bottle, or a dirty nappy change for too long....)

I wonder when he'll start grinding glass up and feeding it to you all, or fraying the wires so you electrocute yourselves, or die in a fire, or crash into a tree..... endless little 'amusements' for him if he doesn't get his way, and all starting with rubbing dog shit into the carpet three times....

Can you ring women's aid and have a chat about all of this to them? They have seen it all before, and have some super advice for you.

Original poster

fizzingmum · 26/01/2017 09:37

Come on mistletoe, this isn't a long jump competition! From dog poo to burning the house down is quite a leap! I'm pretty sure women's aid have better things to be dealing with. Letting the dog in my bed isn't manipulative it's just loving towards my dog. OH doesn't mind when he isn't there, just doesn't like his feet being licked!
His protest was against me not letting him out. Not against the dog, he isn't secretly kicking him or poisoning his pedigree chum.
And I don't think he has a secret side that means he is suddenly going to start abusing me and the kids either. Jeez only on MN can a question about dog shit on the stairs turn into a call to women's aid!
We have agreed to disagree and given the arguments we had I am pretty sure OH won't be doing it again. But if he does, rest assured I will run to women's aid before he kills us all!

OP posts:

IRegretNothing · 26/01/2017 10:08

Bit dramatic mistletoe did you not see the bit where op wrote that her dp was a loving husband and father?!

Glad peace has been restored op.

Spingroll16 · 26/01/2017 12:13

I'd kill my husband if he acted that way towards the dog. Poor pooch!

kali110 · 26/01/2017 13:34

I don't think he'll start being abusive to you or the kids op, but i do think you need to watch his behaviour around the dog.
Not letting him out to per is cruel.

kali110 · 26/01/2017 13:34

Pee*

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