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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rip up DHs contact numbers and bin them because he doesn't respect my property?

67 replies

Olympiathequeen · 23/01/2017 15:55

DH has this habit of not finding a scrap of paper (despite piles of post it notes - which requires him to open a drawer) and a rainforest of usable recycleable paper/ envelopes etc, and just using important documents, cards etc that belong to me.

I was sent some pretty cards from a charity I support which I always use for little notes with presents I send etc. Anyway I've just seen he has taken one and written down an email address and phone number.

I've told him about this a thousand times but he just ignores me so I've taken the card, ripped it to shreds and it's in the bottom of the bin. I will deny all knowledge.

DH is usually reasonable about most things but this really winds me up.
Petty? Yes. Satisfying? Yes. Unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Olympiathequeen · 23/01/2017 15:57

I mean he uses my documents, bank letters, cards etc to jot down phone numbers etc

OP posts:
sprinklesofweirdness · 23/01/2017 15:57

Nope, that would drive me crazy.
My dad used to do it on appointment letters Angry and then they used to ask, is this important? and what's that? and that's when he no longer had any of my documents

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/01/2017 15:58

It's not petty. He has been asked, there are other options, he has chosen to use something of yours. I wouldn't deny all knowledge. I would tell him.

00100001 · 23/01/2017 16:03

Not excusing his behaviour, but are your notes/dpcuments more "to hand" than the scrap paper?

Maybe have a reshuffle of paper work? Make sure there are pens/pads about on display? Get him to sort it out.

Put your stationery away in a box in a drawer :)

Original poster
Olympiathequeen · 23/01/2017 16:15

My stationary was in the stationery drawer. Next to the post it note pad! He had to walk the same distance to the drawer as to the box next to the phone which is full of little bits of paper for just this use.

My patience broke when he scribbled numbers over DS1s first Mother's Day card to me from nursery. Like all the glitter and stuck on jewels was bloody invisible.

He just has a blind spot.

OP posts:
Original poster
Olympiathequeen · 23/01/2017 16:16

I have now stuck all my cards right at the back of the drawer. It's literally what comes to his hand first.

OP posts:
FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 23/01/2017 16:20

I hate things like this. It's basically saying, your things and feelings are so unimportant to me I'm going to completely disregard your perfectly reasonable request and continue even if it upsets you. Because I'm a dick.

I bet he'll say he 'forgot' if you ever challenge him - despite being able to hold down a job and remember things that he feels are important Hmm

YANBU.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/01/2017 16:24

He just has a blind spot. He just doesn't give a shit. If the first piece of paper to hand was a cheque to him or his passport, would he scrawl all over them? Of course not.

Thinkingblonde · 23/01/2017 16:25

Whiteboard. On a wall or on the fridge any good?

Original poster
Olympiathequeen · 23/01/2017 16:30

To be fair he is pretty good and helpful in other ways. Kids, housework etc

I think he does have an element of attention deficit disorder if the number of times he loses his keys is anything to go by, and it is literally grab the first bit of paper he can find, but I just saw red.

It's not really teaching him anything not that he's learned by being nagged but I'm a bit torn now as it was probably mean Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Olympiathequeen · 23/01/2017 16:32

We have a whiteboard and a hanging shopping list complete with pen in the kitchen.

I agree it shows a lack of respect because he wouldn't do this to anything he valued.

OP posts:
KondosSecretJunkRoom · 23/01/2017 16:34

God, I think that your reaction was a bit over the top. How important was the contact information that you ripped up? Will he be able to get them again?

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 23/01/2017 16:35

Although, I can see how it is annoying. I would drive me nuts too.

Back on the fence.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 23/01/2017 16:36

YANBU DH used to do this. Then when he needed the number again, he would turn the house upside down trying to find the relevant scrap of paper. I binned all the scraps. Bought him a notebook (just for him ) and told him to use it instead of scraps. No lost numbers and no scribbles on important items. Win/win.

Original poster
Olympiathequeen · 23/01/2017 16:43

That's exactly what he does! Have you seen xyz piece of paper? And turns the house upside down.

It goes against my principles to infantilise him and buy him a notebook with a pen tied to it by string the hunt for a pen often results in 'oh, and there's a handy scrap of paper I can use but I think I will just to save my blood pressure.

OP posts:
reuset · 23/01/2017 16:51

I've told him about this a thousand times but he just ignores me so I've taken the card, ripped it to shreds and it's in the bottom of the bin. I will deny all knowledge.

Thousand times, eh? I think it's a bit petty to throw away his contact number as 'punishment'. Imagine if this was reversed and he threw away your contact information because you wrote on one of his bit of paper, the emotional abuse accusations would be flying.

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/01/2017 16:54

If the first piece of paper to hand was a cheque to him or his passport, would he scrawl all over them?

Exactly.

Its the attitude behind it that is the problem rather than the behaviour itself.

Mine = Important
Yours = Not important to me so not important at all. Its a total disregard of you and your belongings. This isnt about paper.

Original poster
Olympiathequeen · 23/01/2017 16:54

Reused. I wouldn't take something of his and scrawl numbers on. I respect his property. Maybe I should, but that's just getting even more petty.

It was a pretty card with a really cute jack Russel terrier on it not that it matters

OP posts:
SapphireStrange · 23/01/2017 17:00

To be fair he is pretty good and helpful in other ways. Kids, housework etc

Whoop-de-doo. Does anyone ever describe you as 'pretty good and helpful in other ways. Kids, housework etc'? No? Thought not. It's just assumed, isn't it, and not commented on, that a mother does that kind of stuff.

If this happened more than once, after I'd told my DP, I'd just eyeball him and say 'Fucking stop it. Use the pad.'

He just CBA to have the tiny bit of respect for you and your stuff to stop and think.

WhereYouLeftIt · 23/01/2017 17:03

OP, have you posted about this before, quite a long time ago? It seems very familiar. Or are there just lots of total arses out there?

reuset · 23/01/2017 17:10

In all seriousness I'd be hacked off if he'd used my cards for a number. Speak to him about it again, and buy him a huge bumper pack of the Jack Russell cards for his birthday Grin

sonjadog · 23/01/2017 17:15

It sounds really annoying, so I understand completely where you are coming from. But I would possibly also decide this wasn´t a battle worth fighting, and just move anything that was precious to me away from his reach when on the phone.

Original poster
Olympiathequeen · 23/01/2017 17:20

Not posted about this previously so maybe is commoner than I thought

Jack Russells are so cute.

It wasn't near him, Sonja, he had to go rooting around in a drawer.

It's not worth an argument as he's always done it and never taken any notice before. I think I'll just nurse my little act of nastiness to my chest and buy him a pad

OP posts:
shovetheholly · 23/01/2017 17:21

Can you have The Talk? Which is where you sit him down and say "This may seem completely insignificant to you, but to me it's a big deal, and made all the more so because you've ignored me the last 999 times I've raised it." Then show him the blog post about the guy whose wife divorced him because he left plates out on the side.

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/01/2017 17:22

sonja the trouble with "battles not worth fighting" is you end up with a situation where, in order to not look petty, none of the small stuff is ever mentioned. And one person spends all of their time fire fighting these incidents and other carries on in their selfish ways. The resentment builds and it kills relationships.

There is a blog written by a guy who wrote an article about how is wife divorced him because he didnt put his mug in the dishwasher. The point being that on the surface it is an incredibly petty thing to do, but the reality was that each and every mug he put next to the dishwasher, or pair of pants he left on the floor next to the washing basket etc added up to him being a selfish thoughtless man who she eventually didnt love anymore.