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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rip up DHs contact numbers and bin them because he doesn't respect my property?

67 replies

Olympiathequeen · 23/01/2017 15:55

DH has this habit of not finding a scrap of paper (despite piles of post it notes - which requires him to open a drawer) and a rainforest of usable recycleable paper/ envelopes etc, and just using important documents, cards etc that belong to me.

I was sent some pretty cards from a charity I support which I always use for little notes with presents I send etc. Anyway I've just seen he has taken one and written down an email address and phone number.

I've told him about this a thousand times but he just ignores me so I've taken the card, ripped it to shreds and it's in the bottom of the bin. I will deny all knowledge.

DH is usually reasonable about most things but this really winds me up.
Petty? Yes. Satisfying? Yes. Unreasonable?

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 23/01/2017 17:25

The card I would find annoying.
The Mother's Day card from nursery would have made me livid.
If he hasn't improved since that then I wouldn't expect him to.
Continue to bin anything of yours that he uses. If he can't stop out of respect for you he might when it becomes an inconvenience to him.

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/01/2017 17:26

The mothers day card is unforgiveable.

Out2pasture · 23/01/2017 17:31

It's common, I'm married to a fellow who does the exact same.

happypoobum · 23/01/2017 17:32

YANBU - tis the only way to learn em.

FurryLittleTwerp · 23/01/2017 17:39

Mine uses post-it notes which accumulate all over the bloody place & never transfers the information to anywhere permanent & then can't find the one he wants. At least he doesn't use my paperwork!

He takes notes on them too while on the phone, front, back, up the sides in increasingly tiny illegible writing Confused

We have an A4 size telephone diary with pen FFS Hmm

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 23/01/2017 17:43

Kill him with fire OP. I would.

GimmeeMoore · 23/01/2017 17:45

You've over reacted to a minor annoying bad habit bit petty of you
no he shouldn't scribble over your pretty cards,nor should you rip up and conceal the number

AuntieStella · 23/01/2017 17:47

I think the Mother's Day card is close to unforgivable, and if he didn't get it after that he isn't going to.

He is well capable of being considerate, but every time he does this he is choosing not to be.

It's not about stationery at all.

But I don't know what you can do about it.

I wouldn't just sling the note this time. I might tell him calmly that you have noticed that he has used your stuff again, he knows where the general use stuff is, and anything else that is written on your things will in future be destroyed.

It'll only take one important thing gone for him to actually care about this. Which in a way is a shame, because he can do in pursuit of his own well-being but not because he cares about yours.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 23/01/2017 17:53

Petty eh?

Funny how it's always the wife that's expected to act the adult and behave in the most grown up manner.

Well fuckem. Behave like a dick and maybe I'll join em, as I can't beat em!

SheldonsSpot · 23/01/2017 17:55

You've asked him to stop using your stuff, he's ignored your request, to the point of scribbling on a mothers day card.

He's either monumentally thick, or doesn't give a shit about your reasonable request.

I'm guessing at work he doesn't scribble over important documents, so I'd go with the latter - he doesn't give a shit.

Meh, when he asks about it I'd just say "I don't know about important contact details but you scribbled something on, and ruined, my lovely jack Russel card so I've ripped it up chucked it away".

And I'd do that every single time.

GimmeeMoore · 23/01/2017 17:58

Yes petty,because the reaction wasn't proportionate and was planned in a little fit of pique
He didn't plan to use her nice stationary,he grabbed 1st thing
She planned to teach him lesson by destroying and hiding note at bottom bin.and will deny it if asked

SapphireStrange · 23/01/2017 17:59

He didn't plan to use her nice stationary,he grabbed 1st thing

But he ALWAYS does so, even after being asked not to more than once.

Not so much a 'little fit of pique' as a response that's been building up for a long time.

LucklessMonster · 23/01/2017 18:00

If you deny all knowledge, how's he going to learn his lesson? And I'm not sure how ripping up one of your cherished cards is showing him how valuable they are...

Who are you expecting him to blame?

I don't think YABU but your way of getting revenge is very odd!

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 23/01/2017 18:01

I don't think you should deny it. Stand by your actions.

Then again I'll write on non-important letters left on my desk. I'll do a quick check to make sure it's nothing important and there are no important cards on my desk but I do have a tendency to reach for something and it's often not a notebook so I don't waste a page...

Stand by what you've done, it's too late to change it, and talk to him again. The Mother's Day card seems unforgivable but a free notelet from a charity I'd probably write on...

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/01/2017 18:22

Funny how it's always the wife that's expected to act the adult and behave in the most grown up manner

Yeah funny that!

As a PP said, I bet he can through a day at work without writing on an important contract or invoice. And isnt it funny that the things he writes on are always the OPs, never his own?

Bollocks to being the grown up. Sometimes acting in exactly the same way as they have done is the only way to show just how selfish their behaviour is.

"The contact details? I threw them away because despite me asking you many times to respect my stuff, you insisted on using my notes again. You dont care about my stuff so why should I care about yours? Its in bits at the bottom of the bin, feel free to fish them out. I will do this every single time from now on"

and do it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/01/2017 18:22

a free notelet from a charity I'd probably write on... even if it wasnt yours? Without asking the person it was sent to?

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 23/01/2017 18:25

Next time take a photo of the information on your phone before you rip it up and then hold it hostage, releasing only a few letters/ numbers each time he shows remorse for being a profiligate stationery twat, all the while hoping he wasn't organising a surprise romantic trip to somewhere lovely.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 23/01/2017 18:27

even if it wasnt yours? Without asking the person it was sent to?

Good point. It wouldn't happen here - but no, if I thought they might be important to someone, i wouldn't use them. If it was just a charity notelet on the desk, I might. I'd be sorry if I had written on something I wasn't supposed too and I'd apologise and make sure it didn't happen again but a notelet does feel different to say, someone's expensive notebook, or a much loved diary or something.

magicstar1 · 23/01/2017 18:36

The only thing yabu about is hiding it at the bottom of the bin. I'd rip it up in front of him and tell him that'll happen every time he does it.

CHJR · 23/01/2017 18:57

Ouch, this sounds familiar. It's not LTB business, it's murder him stuff.

As a practical matter, does your flat/house have room for a LOCKABLE filing cabinet? Rymans stock them. (I'm thinking of buying a LOCKABLE box for the fridge to protect ingredients already labelled for specific recipes...)

Original poster
Olympiathequeen · 23/01/2017 19:18

I'm glad I'm not being totally unreasonable but I don't want to be confrontational and tell him I've ripped it up. Coward I admit.

The mug by the dishwasher rings a bell. DH will get a clean tea towel,out of the drawer rather than walk across the kitchen to fetch the one that's out. Then he dumps it on the work surface. I said if I see more than two on the go the third one goes in the bin. After a week or two he bought a load of new ones and now conforms to my standards!

He's home and not noticed the missing card and email address.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 23/01/2017 19:22

He drew over the first Mothers Day card! Shock Sad

I would throw away every number that wasn't written on the correct thing and tell him. He's an arse. He can stop himself, he chooses not to. Was he sorry about the card?

Original poster
Olympiathequeen · 23/01/2017 19:57

Chased. Yes he did feel guilty but I really really lost my temper which took him by surprise as I normally try to be adult about disagreements.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 25/01/2017 00:48

Not guilty enough to not do it again over your things though. Did he ever noticed it was gone?