Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask whether you would blame an overweight child on

199 replies

Catlady1976 · 22/01/2017 19:14

The overweight parent.
I am overweight/bordering on obese but used to be much heavier.
Two of my children (late primary/early secondary) are overweight.
My dh is a normal weight but has a crap diet. When he cooks (rarely) it involves bunging a pizza in the oven or ordering a pizza. Large size for a 10 Year old which gets eaten over 2 days. When I was away for the weekend he took the kids to McDonald's and let them have large evm with coke.
When I do the cooking I try to cook healthy meals and adjust portion size to suit.
I am also he one taking the kids swimming or go the gym , park etc.
Yet often I read ( on here and other forums) that many children are overweight because they have an overweight parent or parents
So MN would you judge me for this as I am the overweight one?

OP posts:
MadMags · 23/01/2017 12:47

Sadly mags I can't see that happening.

Well then he's a selfish arsehole!

Well done on your weight loss. It's great and you should keep up the good work.

Idefix · 23/01/2017 13:17

cat it sounds like you have taken the first step in making positive changes for you and your dc. I would chase the dietician referral and I would start to raise awareness about calorie requirements for health growth and what those calories look like when eaten as food.

If you can I would record an average daily food intake on an app like myfitnesspal and see how many calories, fat, sugar, protein and carbs are being eaten compared to recommended amounts for your dc age group and gender if applicable. I would do this for a week or so and then you will be able to picture where things are not going so well.

Using this information I would then plan meals and snacks for a day sticking to recommended intake. Most of us are very good at not remembering what we have eaten and not remembering spur of the moment snacks later on if asked.

How did you lose your weight? Was it through a club or did you use an app, calorie count?

Whilst your dc weight is both parents responsibilities, I think blaming is not helpful. After all as a nation we are getting heavier year on year despite all the messages about healthy eating. I think it is not hard to eat healthier but it is hard to stop one way of eating and changing to another after years and years.

Good luck, and stay strong.

Catlady1976 · 23/01/2017 13:46

Yes I guess bring judged goes with the territory. Just been grocery shopping and got loads of salad and different vegetables to try. Dd2 will only eat one or two types of veg and the same with fruit so it is hard.The issue with Dd1 is snacking I feel. Today I found 3 babybel wrappers in the bin. They were for my youngest lunch box and it's the only cheese she will eat. I don't mind her having one but 3 in one go.
Clearly her appetite is out of control and I have allowed it to happen.

OP posts:
Catlady1976 · 23/01/2017 13:50

I lost weight by calorie counting. Trying to follow dome of the Rosemary Conley principles. Upped salad intake. Cut out crisps. Started making healthier meal. Using lowest fat mince etc for bolognaise and bulking it out with veg etc.
Had a bit of a blip over Christmas and early January due to being away on a course but back on track now.

OP posts:
Catlady1976 · 23/01/2017 13:59

O and Madmags I joined weight watchers a few years ago and he asked me to stop at the chippy on-the-go way home.
So not overly optimistic.
Going to have to get him on board this time.

OP posts:
Idefix · 23/01/2017 14:11

Cat it sounds like you really have a good understanding of what you need to be cooking etc. Agree it is v hard when they are picky but I would keep pursuing this and presenting veg they like and new ones to try.

Sadly I agree 3 baby bel cheese is too many. I wouldnt give even one as a snack either. Personally I would look to getting a lock for the fridge if dd can't stop themselves from taking extra food.

Do you the same meal for the whole family? I have used Rosemary Connelly recipes and my family did not notice any difference. The main thing will be portion sizes appropriate for age and watching out for over snacking.

It is a shame that your dh is not so supportive as it can be very hard introducing changes like this. I would make the whole thing as positive as possible and focus conversations that children initiate on being healthy and promoting future health. Use your weightloss as an example of why it is good to be a healthy weight and how good you feel/how much energy you have.

You can do this.

GoesDownLikeACupOfColdSick · 23/01/2017 14:12

I was a fat child despite two slim, healthy parents and a DM who only allowed healthy stuff in the house.

I worked so hard and so successfully at sneaking stuff behind their backs that I was a fat child, and then a chunky but just about slim enough to fit high street fashion and snog boys teen - and then the moment I got to university and did my own shopping, I was a balloon. So I wouldn't jump to blame the parents in every case, based on my own experience.

In your case, I think you need to talk to each other and then make sure you are both on board with what you feed the DC. But don't deny all treats altogether; I think that is probably why to this day I feel all rebellious and chocoholic if I think I CAN'T have it. And why to this day I am still fucking fat!

Marynary · 23/01/2017 14:19

Clearly her appetite is out of control and I have allowed it to happen.

I wouldn't blame yourself as you don't really know why she has a large appetite. I did the same things with my children and one is verging on overweight (or actually overweight) whilst the other is verging on underweight. It just goes to shoe that it is often nature rather than nuture and whilst you can encourage healthy eating etc it is much harder with some children than others. One thing that has helped with youngest DD (13 years) is that now she is becoming more conscious she is exerting a bit more self control.

Catlady1976 · 23/01/2017 14:19

I do the same meal for me and the kids. Dh doesn't eat with us during the week. He has food in the canteen at work and then snacks in the evening. Weekends are when the takeaways and eating out happens. Or dh will cook ( well bung something in the oven).
Last time he had pizza takeaway and cooked my own meal.

OP posts:
Marynary · 23/01/2017 14:20

shoe show

Marynary · 23/01/2017 14:21

conscious self-conscious!

Catlady1976 · 23/01/2017 14:35

Auto-correct is a pain.

OP posts:
MadMags · 23/01/2017 17:51

He's making me so angry!!!

Why is he so unsupportive? Does he want you fat and unhappy so he can control you or something?

gunsandbanjos · 23/01/2017 18:02

Just because your DH isn't overweight doesn't mean he's healthy. He'll be one of the skinny fat people, looks ok on the outside, dreadful inside.

I'd recommend a low carb high fat eating plan, its healthy and keeps you much fuller than low fat diets. Which are frankly pretty miserable!

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 23/01/2017 18:39

Well done on losing 3 stone, that,s so hard to do!
I am a bit uncomfortable with the idea of restricting food, especially fat,m for growing children tbh.
The main culprit is usually too much sugar in processed foods and, most importantly, inactivity.
As kids in the 80s, neither I nor any of my siblings were overweight.
We all ate huge portions, and snacked on jam sandwiches..we had pop and sweets at the weekends, biscuits after school..
But. There was bog all on telly, and we were out playing, or playing boisterously in the house, all the time. We also never, ever, got ferried anywhere by car. None of us played any organised sports, or did swimming lessons after school.
Most of the chubby kids I know spend a lot of time on x boxes and tablets.
My ds is naturally skinny I think, but eats 4 meals a day, and eats fruit and veg, but also plenty of sausages, home made burgers, pasta, but I rarely drive him to school, and he plays a lot of sports, not just organised sports, but in the street with his friends.
Children need fat, and carbs, they really do. They also should be on the move a lot-more than the once a week structured activity many kids seem to do.

Catlady1976 · 24/01/2017 07:54

I think he is just inherently selfish Madmags. He has become worse in recent years.

OP posts:
cariboo · 24/01/2017 08:23

I have a very slim DD (16) and an overweight DS (13). I'm extremely health conscious and keep the fridge well-stocked with fruit and veg. I cook low-fat meals. I exercise. DS has admitted that he comfort eats and gets sweets from his mates, or uses bus fare / lunch money to buy sweets. I've had him to the doctor, who gave him a stern lecture and sent him for blood, urine and stool analysis, which were all normal. DS was also referred to a paediatric nutritionist, who told us both that he should eat what he wants. I was horrified & so was DS. He's doing sports & his grandparents gave him 4 sessions with a personal trainer for Christmas. He's a good boy, he tries his best. Do you think I'm to blame for the fact that he's overweight? If so, what else could I do to help him? I'd really like to know.

Marynary · 24/01/2017 09:34

I have a similar problem to you cariboo and my children are a similar age. Locks on fridges and cupboards really would not be a good idea considering my older DD is always close to being underweight (a far bigger health concern, in my opinion). It is hard to prevent buying sweets etc while out of the house once they are a certain age. I don't know if anyone "judges" me for it but if they do they can fuck off as far as I'm concerned!

LiveLifeWithPassion · 24/01/2017 10:09

You should talk to your kids. Tell them that you're all going to be eating better and leading healthier lifestyles.
Stop giving them money for junk.
Find after school snacks that they will eat. Get some ideas off the internet for some good healthy and filling snacks (soup, frittata, veg sticks and hummus, cheese and fruit etc)

If you can, reduce the carbs and increase the protein at breakfast or add a piece of fruit. I think that makes a big difference.

Good luck.

Orangecake123 · 24/01/2017 13:00

I was an overweight child from the age of 9, as were all 3 of my siblings. It really affected my confidence levels and made me feel so much more self conscious.

There's no point blaming anyone. Where are the children getting the food from? The kids aren't in charge of screen times. The responsibility lies with the parents to do something about it. I live abroad at the moment, my youngest sister is 14,and I know her weight is something that really bothers her- I could leave it, but I know my parents will do nothing about it. When I get back home I will be the one taking her to the gym.

cariboo · 24/01/2017 13:52

Marynary Grin**

Dragongirl10 · 24/01/2017 14:14

Well done for losing 3 st.

When shopping plan meals ie
Monday, roast chicken,3 vegetables small amount of potatoes.
Cook it and go small with the potatoes or pasta, up the amount and variety of vegetables. Offer greek yoghurt with honey or fruit then NO MORE.

My son has an unlimited appetite, and could easily pile on weight, but after a meal, like above, l just offer a piece of fruit like a banana then say no more. He knows l do not ever change my mind! and he is not overweight....you have to accept you are in charge and responsible for their diets.

Accordingly l only buy what is on my food plan, l allow a very small dessert ( ie tubs of small brownie bites, 2 only) and offer a piece of fruit or plain rice cakes after.

I do however double up on my sons vegetables compared to DD and same if he is having grilled fish, she gets one piece he gets two,( they don't get battered fish except for grandparent treats once a month to the local chip shop)

DH loves crisps so they are kept in a high cupboard and Dc know they are his, also ds9 and dd10 are not allowed to help themselves to food except fruit and nuts, without asking.

Don't let them see you snacking except on fruit, you have to set the example. My late night chocolate bar is private!

Don't be afraid to say 'Here is dinner, we are all going to sit down together and enjoy' Make mealtimes fun then resist firmly all attempts at snacks unless on healthy foods.

On a weekend l often cut up carrot sticks, sweet peppers and cucumber or grapes, and leave out with nuts for' energy boosts'. my dcs now think they are treats!

I find it is so much easier to have only healthy food and very limited desserts in the house, and let them have other treats at parties and on special occasions. Then it is easier to control.

You cannot out excercise a poor diet.

Don't have squash in the house it rots teeth and is full of sugar and sugar substitutes, water or milk is much better.
Good luck with the continued weight loss.

Bobochic · 24/01/2017 14:16

cariboo - if you cook very low fat meals, your DS may be so hungry that he cannot resist snacking.

Catlady1976 · 24/01/2017 14:57

We only really have sugar free squash in the house for Dd2 to take her medication. Dd1 only drinks water.
Thank you for the tips everyone.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page