To ask whether you would blame an overweight child on

[Catlady1976]

The overweight parent.
I am overweight/bordering on obese but used to be much heavier.
Two of my children (late primary/early secondary) are overweight.
My dh is a normal weight but has a crap diet. When he cooks (rarely) it involves bunging a pizza in the oven or ordering a pizza. Large size for a 10 Year old which gets eaten over 2 days. When I was away for the weekend he took the kids to McDonald's and let them have large evm with coke.
When I do the cooking I try to cook healthy meals and adjust portion size to suit.
I am also he one taking the kids swimming or go the gym , park etc.
Yet often I read ( on here and other forums) that many children are overweight because they have an overweight parent or parents
So MN would you judge me for this as I am the overweight one?

I would blame the parents if I was the judging type/ could be bothered.
My dd was over weight for a while and it was completely my/our fault as parents.
We did something about it in a healthy way, i.e never mentioned going on a diet etc as it wasn't.
She is a lovely healthy weight now and eats well but healthily.
We still allow the odd treat and she has a tuck bag for school.
Educate the dc in the plate, it's what proportion of the plate should contain carbs, protein, veg etc.

I am still not sure what an EVM is ..

What is a normal day? how old are children?
Do they have school dinners?

I would blame both parents if overweight before secondary..Who does the shopping? You can only cook with that is in the house.

I saw a FB clip today of a young girl ( presumably America) Who at something like 4 burgers, 4 fries , 4 cokes and 4 ice cream sundaes in 4 minutes..My DS would be sick..to be honest so would I.So there tummies I would assume have been stretched..

This is also assuming no underlying meidcal issue..

If you think they're overweight, I would

(a) get up with daughter so she doesn't get her own breakfast, not in a kind of controlling way, but in a "I'd like to get up with you so we can have breakfast together way" and you make it for her. Lots of fruit / yoghurt / etc etc.

(b) don't go to McDonalds or Pizza hut, just say you can't afford it for a while and say you'll make a "fake-away" - and make home-made burgers / sweet potato fries etc.

(c) don't let the children take money to school - or if that's not ideal, give them less.

And then I think it does come down to education, giving them a healthy example. Do physical activities as a family, sign the children up for the local football / netball / hockey teams and you as parents go to cheer them on. Go walking as a family, get bikes. And sit down as a family to eat. Let them see you and your husband eating healthy foods with lots of fruit and veg. Cook from scratch, get them involved in the meal planning and cooking. Make it a bit of a competition - who can find a meal with chicken and (for example) butternut squash that we've not had before? If they're old enough and enjoy cooking, do a mini Come Dine with Me where each family member cooks one night and you all vote on it? Its just about engaging with them and making them interested in a healthy diet / lifestyle. Sorry, went on a bit!

OP, were your children overweight earlier (e.g. when they were 5 or 6), too?

But they already have food issues if they're overweight.

I would "blame" both parents but if I'm being brutally honest, I probably would assume that overweight parent eats badly and therefore her kids eat badly.

They are given portions appropriate to their age.
I guess access to snacks could be a problem.
They only get £2 pocket money and have school dinners most days. Although Dd2 does have a packed lunch more frequently as she is a fussy eater. She is under a clinic for another reason and they offered a referral to a dietitian but I guess I need to chase as I haven't heard.

The reality is, OP, young children who are overweight aren't the ones generally in control of the amount and type of foods/meals they are given. yes, it is the fault of parents when young children (without medical issues) are fat/obese.

Fatness/obesity doesn't happen overnight. It is a gradual process. So even though your children are now 10-12 it sounds like, and they have a bit more control over what/when/how much they eat, they've already been placed firmly on the path to poor eating habits. They've hit those ages, most likely, already carrying extra weight. And that is on you and your husband.

I do think you should seek advice re family meals, healthy eating, lifestyles etc, like you've said.

Those saying you wouldn't think it was the responsibility of parents if their secondary school children were over weight, need to educate their children sooner.
Good habits start when they are little and whilst you can't control what they do when you aren't with them if you have raised them to eat healthily and taught them about healthy eating then they won't binge on crap food.

No they were measured in reception and we're a healthy weight. They were wearing clothes below than age on the bottom and their size on tip. Dd3 is 4 and a healthy weight too. Think it has been a gradual process.

Have a real look at portion sizes. It's real surprise once you weigh them out how tiny they are when it's something you like. A portion of salad is enormous but a portion of meat or bread or cereal is tiny.

Look at breakfast first as this is an easy one to measure. Add in a boiled egg for protein that lasts without many calories. Sort out breakfast choices and portions for each thing then work on another meal.

Use something like myfitnesspal to work out calories in.

Is it just when they went to secondary they became overweight?
Aside for the occasional pizza and Marcy d's what else they eating. What are the breakfast options. Free for
All on the snacks?
How active are they? The pace teens walk I wouldn't include this really as an active walk. They walk any slower and they would stop. Well the ones I see.

I grew up overweight, and my mom kept blaming me for being fat. Called me names like "pig" too. I then proceeded to be an obese adult (most of the time - I'm a yoyo dieter). Now I'm overweight, but hopefully I'll be able to get down to a decent weight this year.

There's two points.

1. He doesn't seem to want the children to be healthy and in the correct weight range for their age and height. So that is something to work on But

1. If he feeds them rarely, there must be another reason why they are overweight, either this can only be when they are with you, or with money you have given them to eat at school/before or after. So this also should change

What do you consider an appropriate portion for their age though? Sometimes there's a wide disparity there.

If they weren't overfed as weaning babies, weren't overfed as toddlers, weren't given snacks to pacify them/keep them occupied/didn't need to eat, and if they take as much exercise as they should, I'm at a loss as to how two primary school children have become overweight. Unless there are medical issues of course.

I will have to try and get up with Dd1. She already plays netball for a team and will hopefully start playing hockey next year.
Dd2 is more challenging but I do play raquet sports with the older two when I can. Sadly dh can't join in.

I wouldn't blame anyone, it's not my place to judge anyone else's eating habits although I always pull faces at people who eat Quorn chicken or leave one chip on their plate.

At the end of the day if there's a weight issue (on either side of the scale) then it can be addressed and rectified, I don't see the sense in proportioning blame - It would be like blaming someone with lung cancer today because they smoked 20 years ago, totally pointess and lacking in compassion.

Who's at fault is irrelevant in my opinion, your children's diets can be altered.

If a parent is obese it's much more likely that their children of the same gender will be overweight.

www.nhs.uk/news/2009/07July/Pages/FatnessRunsInFamily.aspx

I would judge because I've lived the consequences of being an obese child and then teenager and blame my parents for not dealing with it and allowing it to snowball. If they'd dealt with it at primary age when they had full control of my diet it would've given me a much happier time at secondary school.

I think you need to take some responsibility for this. In your posts you have passed the blame on to dh then dd. and not yourself.

It's both the parents responsibility to make sure kids are healthy etc

Children don't become over weight from the occasional pizza etc they need a healthy balanced diet and children don't become overweight if they are given correct portion sizes etc

I think it's OK to snack if they are hungry but would try to steer them towards fruits or healthy options instead of crisps.
Good fruits really taste good, you could cut them up, peel, etc so they are more appealing.

I think it's the responsibility of both parents, but also think people tend to judge too much.

To those here saying occasional pizza and macdonalss doesnt make you overweight, I disagree. Ocaasional means once a month or less. If any visits are more than that ie once or more a week then those visits are pretty frequent and most probably do contribute to health and weight issues.

I am overweight myself and working on this (have lost 2st have one to go). Problem is that we overeat ans justify/marginalise this the same we do with drinking ie the "occasional" glass of wine actually means wine most days if the week.

We HAVE to take a long hard look at ourselves and take responsibility for the health and weight of our children.

What does that mean though - portions for age?
Are you filling plates, measuring or by tbsp?
Then what are they drinking at home?

One person's idea of an age appropriate portion size may not be another person's, iyswim?
Why don't you take a photo of their dinner plate for the next few days before you serve it to them, and post it here, with something in the photo for size reference?
Then posters will be able to determine if you're serving up too-big portions?

What other people think and who they blame doesn't matter one little bit. Worrying about that will make you more stressed (and perhaps more likely to overeat) and it won't help your children either.

What really counts here is that you are trying to sort this out. Most of the really overweight kids I know have parents who think their weight is fine, or puppy fat and who have unlimited snacks available at home. If you are uncertain or think you could all do with some help, could you get a referral to see a dietitian? I expect your GP would be only too pleased to see you trying to help your family and avoid future health problems.
Good luck, I hope it all works out for you. It's going to take time to make lasting changes but hopefully it will be worth the effort and you will all reap the benefits.

Apologies if it sounds like blaming. I am just trying to answer questions Re portion sizes etc. I know on at least one occasion I have had to suggest to Dd1 that she needs to use a certain bowl for cereal as she was using a picnic one which is too big.
Anyway time for serious action.
I think I will have to stop buying crisps for example. If dh wants them he can keep them in his car.

I would blame both parents. I don't have obese children, we have a very hearty and healthy diet as a family - no fake food in the house, I buy ingredients, not crap. That being said, we do go to pizza express or five guys, stop off in patisseries sometimes way too often and yet, my kids are not fat and are very fit and healthy and never get sick. The point is that the occasional treats don't make them fat, it's what they have regularly, day in and day out, that will make them fat and unwell. I actually think it's cruel to let kids become obese, it's not about what they look like, it's unhealthy and a pressure on their young bodies. Also, blaming your husband sounds pathetic, sorry but it is. You are both responsible for your children's health.