To ask whether you would blame an overweight child on

[Catlady1976]

The overweight parent.
I am overweight/bordering on obese but used to be much heavier.
Two of my children (late primary/early secondary) are overweight.
My dh is a normal weight but has a crap diet. When he cooks (rarely) it involves bunging a pizza in the oven or ordering a pizza. Large size for a 10 Year old which gets eaten over 2 days. When I was away for the weekend he took the kids to McDonald's and let them have large evm with coke.
When I do the cooking I try to cook healthy meals and adjust portion size to suit.
I am also he one taking the kids swimming or go the gym , park etc.
Yet often I read ( on here and other forums) that many children are overweight because they have an overweight parent or parents
So MN would you judge me for this as I am the overweight one?

Yes I would, given you are responsible for food in your home.

..

I blame the parents in general.

An overweight parent is likely to have an overweight child because the very fact they're overweight themselves suggests they probably don't have a great idea about food. It could be healthy food but giant portion sizes. You can be slim and still eat badly too.

It's pointless blaming anyone really, the fact they're overweight means they've been regularly overeating. Mum, dad, grandparents? All contribute to this.

You all need to get on board with a lifestyle change. Start with binning all the unhealthy snacks, these shouldn't be part of everyday life, extra salad and veg with everything, no sugary drinks, regular family exercise. Healthy filling breakfasts.

What's their usual daily diet like? What are they eating for their meals?

Breakfast is cereal
Normally weetabix or cornflakes. Sometimes porridge. Weekends more likely to be boiled egg and toast
Lunch is either a sandwich with fruit if packed lunch or school dinner. Weekends normally sandwiches and fruit.
Evening meals vary but cook things like spag bol, fish chicken etc.
optimistic that sounds so hard but sound like you are doing an amazing job.

I blame the parents for over weight children. By being overweight they are socially, physically and emotionally disadvantaged.

My 2p. If I see an overweight child with an overweight parent, then yes I blame the parent. To me it's obvious the eating habits at home are shared.

I am obese and my 4 year old has developed a big stomach over the past few months. It just so happens I've been jobless for the past few months so we're at home a lot, where the food is. I know it's my fault.

I no longer buy the stuff she wheedles out of me and I go back to work soon so I'm hoping to see a change.

I know someone who is absolutely huge, and her two young children are also very overweight. You can barely see their eyes behind the plump cheeks. There's no way that's down to anything but terrible overeating of the wrong things and since the parents control what they eat...

Replace most fruit with vegetables in their diet. As was said upthread, fruit contains a ton of sugar and is not really a great snack. Try carrot sticks or peppers. Also ditch the Friday crisps - they don't need to have crisps as all, especially not as a treat.

Thanks Idefix that is exactly what I am hoping, that if I can help him lose weigt he'll feel good and more comfortable (his trousers etc are so tight on him) and just happier. I know people make comments because I have actually heard another child call him fat before. I wanted to say something but DC begged me not to. As for the nan I have tried so many times to explain to her but it doesn't get through so now she's not allowed to see him on her own, so sad because they were so close.

Catlady1976 congratulations on your weight loss, that's fantastic! Also thanks for starting this thread, so nice to know I'm not alone in worrying about my fat child. I think your daily diet sounds really healthy but having read the thread I'm also going to replace a lot of fruit with veg, my kids eat so much fruit and I do try and buy berries etc but with 4 at home it's so expensive. Honestly I think as parents we judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else ever could though 😕

I sympathise. I expect many of the people on this thread have no idea how hard it can be to keep some children's weight down. If both my children were like DD1, who if anything is too thin (BMI 16 at nearly 17 years) I would have no idea either. It is easy for people to say that it is your fault for not restricting portion size etc but unless you put locks on the cupboard it is hard to stop them helping themselves. Also once they are over about 10 years they can visit the shops and buy sweets which is out of your control.

My youngest DD (age 13) is within the healthy BMI but only just and she has been overweight in the past. I think it is a combination of short stature compared with the rest of the family and an appetite that is higher than the rest of us.

I expect many of the people on this thread have no idea how hard it can be to keep some children's weight down.

I don't think that's fair really and it sounds a bit dismissive.

Many parents work quite hard to keep both their own weight and their children's weight down.

Also, many parents have spotted the early signs of obesity in their DC and worked hard to turn it around, with success.

I wouldn't blame either parent as such, as that's not helpful, but I might think they were contributing to the problem. If I saw a family like yours though, I don't think i'd think 'it must be the mum overfeeding them', like you say, there is more to healthy eating than weight.

I have two close friends with overweight dc. Both cook, believe in healthy meals, take plenty of exercise as a family. They both have quite hungry/greedy ones - who'll take every opportunity to eat other people's food. So no, I don't judge myself. It's only by chance that mine eat tiny amounts.

yes i would, and i say that as an extremely overweight person.

DD was getting a bit chunky, that entirely down to her sweet tooth and my indulgence of it.

Children only eat what we parents give them, so who elses fault is it?

Children only eat what we parents give them, so who elses fault is it?

See that's where I disagree. For one of my friends it's all about what her dc is eating out of the home. She'll have her friend's crisps her mums given her for tuck, plus her own healthy tuck then claim she's got no money and someone will feel sorry for her and buy her tuck. When the tuck shop closes she asks if there's any cake left over - they can't keep it for tomorrow can they. If someone's giving out sweets for their birthday - have you got any left, hand them over then. If you're not eating that I'll have it. It pretty much happens because of what she's like outside the home. Unless my friend can change her mind set, which believe me she tries, she's going to be overweight. My friend tries to combat it with masses of exercise - I think she's currently doing 3 dance classes, swimming, karate and athletics. But ultimately this dc is going to get more food elsewhere, regardless of what my friend does.

purple Your friend needs to get that child professional help. There are clearly underlying issues there.

I don't think that's fair really and it sounds a bit dismissive.

Many parents work quite hard to keep both their own weight and their children's weight down.

But many don't. Some children quite naturally stay thin and those parents will have no idea how hard it can be for others. As I said, I wouldn't have known myself if I didn't have one child who has a tendency to be overweight. We don't give her large portions at all and if anything she seems to eat less than many of her thinner friends. We also don't have biscuits etc in the cupboard and yet she is still sometimes overweight.

Children only eat what we parents give them, so who elses fault is it?

Small children may only eat what their parents give them but by OPs children's age they are quite capable of helping themselves to food or buying it from the shops etc.

I would like to think I don't judge but I think I do . I know there are exceptions but I can't help but think 'oh, there you go' when you see fat kids with fat parents. I KNOW that is not nice of me though. It depends on the ages of the kids too. If they are older teens then it's different to younger kids.
I have no snacks at all in my house but my kids were allowed a treat a day that was bought to order. When my kids were babies I once read that the French don't give their kids snacks and whilst I'm sure that's a load of bollox I have always kept it in mind. My kids were given three or four meals a day and, mostly, no snacks. This meant they ate well at mealtimes and didn't grow up with a 'grazing' mentality. They are adults now and still don't snack much. I wasn't draconian about it and there were times they would have snack such as after swimming or whatever.

I never gave my kids squash or crisps at home. They were treats to have when we were out. I also didn't give them endless fruit.

I used to go to a fancy gym where I could be the fattest in a class of 30 even though I was under ten stones and 5'6. (It was in Los Angeles). I was amazed to notice that loads of these teeny tiny fitness obsessed women had fat kids. I think I judged them a little bit

If I see overweight children I always blame there negligent/abusive parents. When a child's health is being harmed by bad parenting who else do you blame?

BTW. Surely the most important thing is teaching your kids that they are the ones to control what they eat and drink. I encouraged my DC to be responsible for themselves from a young age (..or tried too ). Their Grandmother would try to ply them with crap so they would say yes to one thing but no to the mountain of other crap she would offer.

I tried to make them make their own choices at a very young age.

I realize I sound a bit smug but I'm relating what I tried to do. Every kid and every family are different. . Some of my DC were and still are as adults fussy eaters so I fucked up there!

Good luck OP. Well done on your weight loss. I hope you manage to sort something out with the kids. Make sure you think very long term. Don't worry about being judged. We are all judged for something or another. 😊

When a child's health is being harmed by bad parenting who else do you blame? yy to this.

I think you have to set a good example, that's the best thing you can do. My lot eat Weetabix with a sprinkle of some crappy cereal like coco pops, or porridge or something like egg on toast. They take quite substantial packed lunches. At dinner time we eat normal home cooked meals around the table, no processed crap. We have full fat yoghurt (Yeo Valley) or fruit or a homemade pudding after dinner. We eat quite a bit of fruit. We self police on the crap; my lot know they are allowed one small Kit Kat sized thing out of the cupboard a day, they normally take it with their packed lunch. We also self police on portion size: DH and DS1 probably eat at least double what the rest of us eat. We like eating out and enjoy the odd take away.

And exercise wise everyone does quite a lot and has been brought up to think it's something you do, even if you don't really feel like it, like having a shower or brushing your teeth. My lot are not naturally sporty; most have never made the school team or anything, but everyone has tried loads of things so managed to find something they like.

So yes, I think it's teaching them life skills really.

Up to a certain age I think it's always the parent to blame. I hate seeing really obese children aged around 5/6. They're not shopping for their own food, they're not making their own meals. If they're fat it's because the parent is providing crap meals and snacks which is negligent to their health, quite frankly. When kids get more freedom to be able to go into shops and use pocket money for food and you do lose an element of control but I would hope the healthy habits would already be there and they'd make good choices with treats in moderation. Can't be doing with parents being in denial over their overweight, unhealthy kids. You're setting them up for a lifetime of struggling with weight.

They already have pretty serious food issues if they are overweight in primary school. It's not about blaming you or your DH, you should be working as a family to change their view on what's heathy and balanced.