To ask whether you would blame an overweight child on

[Catlady1976]

The overweight parent.
I am overweight/bordering on obese but used to be much heavier.
Two of my children (late primary/early secondary) are overweight.
My dh is a normal weight but has a crap diet. When he cooks (rarely) it involves bunging a pizza in the oven or ordering a pizza. Large size for a 10 Year old which gets eaten over 2 days. When I was away for the weekend he took the kids to McDonald's and let them have large evm with coke.
When I do the cooking I try to cook healthy meals and adjust portion size to suit.
I am also he one taking the kids swimming or go the gym , park etc.
Yet often I read ( on here and other forums) that many children are overweight because they have an overweight parent or parents
So MN would you judge me for this as I am the overweight one?

I probably would assume that both parents were responsible and should take steps to bring the child back to a healthier weight.

However, if your DH is rarely cooking/preparing food for the kids, they haven't become overweight solely because of his occasional splurges.

I'm not sure playing the blame game is helpful. Something in your diet and exercise habits is clearly not right and needs a bit of a rethink.

I'd blame both parents equally regardless of what size they were. Both parents should have responsibility for what a child eats.

If you don't want your kids eating McDonald's and pizza, you need to have a discussion with DH about why that's not OK. Equally, if it really is the rare occurrence you say it is, that would certainly not be the only thing that was making your kids overweight.

You are equally to blame and obviously eating more calories than you are burning

If a young child is overweight, the one to blame is the one that controls the child's diet.
Obviously that only counts if there are no medical reasons that are causing weight gain.

Blame is a harsh word.

But if he rarely cooks, I don't think you can blame the occasional pizza for overweight dc. If you're the one doing the majority of cooking then it's mostly your responsibility if primary age when you have control of what they eat.

Well it depends what is your idea of trying to cook healthy meals and adjust portion sizes. Is your idea of a portion size skewed? What are they having in the way of snacks everyday? If you are very over weight yourself and your DH also has a terrible diet then in all likelihood your dc's are eating too much and of the wrong food.

Your DH isn't helping the issue but children who are a healthy weight eating the right amounts of food should be able to eat mcdonalds or pizza on occasion without it making much difference.

They may be consuming sweets and crisps etc without your knowledge, especially the older one who presumably chooses what (s)he wants in the school canteen - my Year 8 son would happpily live on Yazoos and Snack-a-Jacks, both of which are available at his high school. I now monitor the Parentpay site to ensure that he has a meal or a sandwich at lunch, not snacks.

It's quite hard to police their eating away from the home at this stage.

I agree with pps who say that the odd takeaway or McD isn't likely to be the issue.

Thank you for replies. Just skim read them.

I have actually enquire about enrolling on a family program about health eating.
Dh is probably responsible 2 out of 7 days.
He is a snacker and will eat multiple bags of crisps each evening. He doesn't gain weight as he probably only eats one meal a day.
I think perhaps I need to hide the snacks away but both DC walk to school so they could be spending pocket money on junk too.

Primary kids - yes i would blame the parents. Secondary not so much as parents don't have much controller snacking ect.

It took me ages to work out what evm meant. Asked DH and he knew in an instant. My obese DH. Just saying. Having an acronym on hand for a McDonald's order suggests it's a frequent treat.

I participated in research for a university on healthy eating for kids. I did this because I've always been concerned about giving DS A healthy balance diet. They shared the results with me and analysis of my answers.

I'm overly cautious towards healthy eating and have a tendency to overestimate how many calories and how much salt and sugar are in a portion. This was based on 100 questions about my attitudes towards parenting, healthy eating and my own childhood. I then reviewed 20 meals and estimated calories sugar and salt.

The wider results were that those who had concerns about healthy eating would overestimate portion size and calorie content etc. They linked poor diet knowledge to lower education attainment levels, Study was across 20,000 or so. Those who underestimated how much was in different meals had less overall knowledge about what makes up a healthy portion or meal.

I found the results interesting and they helped me to relax a little and not feel the need to count the number of salt grams per day iyswim.

So when it comes to blame, I don't think that's useful. But primary carer is ultimately the person buying the food, cooking the food and sanctioning treats.

I know my relationship with food isn't great which is why I have put a lot of effort into ensuring my son does not suffer from the same issues. Maybe this is an area you should look at?

Yep it's the responsibility of both of you.

What snacks do you keep in the house? In what volumes?
How much pocket money do they have?

You say you portion control their meals - what does this mean?

I don't think it would cross my mind to blame anyone.

I was always a normal sized child in a family of overweight people - both parents and two siblings overweight, 3 of them very obese. I ate the same as they did at home. It's not as simple as who is feeding them, but I don't know what it extends to beyond that. I think if there were a very overweight child I would feel very sorry for it knowing how hard it is to lose weight in an obesogenic world, but I wouldn't look to see who was responsible.

I am fat. Dh is also much chubbier since we got married.
Ds is average sized although only 5. He was a big baby. I'm conscious that I don't want ds to be overweight. I remember being put on my first diet at around age 8. I wasn't particularly big at all when I look at pictures. My mum nags me still & it still doesn't motivate me,just pisses me off.
Ds has a v healthy appetite and he is allowed treats. If I noticed him being a bit chubbier I'd do something about it without really saying much. A lot is spoken at school about healthy choices too.
If I see an overweight child I probably secretly judge their parents whatever their size. Sorry.
It isn't happening from an occasional pizza or McDonald's. Is your portion control accurate for their ages?

I think it depends how overweight they are but generally no, people come in all different shapes and sizes. I'd say with children exercise and just being more active is key rather than cutting out all the junk food, cut down a little bit but I know from experience that if you don't give your children junk food they crave it later in life especially as teens.

I don't have a problem with McDonald's or pizza occasionally but it's the portion sizes that bother me.
To be fair the eldest also gets up early so serves her own breakfast. So this is where some extra calories could come in.

It is just so hard working out how to tackle this in a way which won't cause food issues later in life.

I'm really sorry but I would blame the parents, especially the one who does the donkey work in regards to meals. I know it's not right but I would judge and blame! I can't talk as I'm a huge snacker and love sweets but my son is very slim and tends to eat a healthy diet and I'm certainly not fat but I'm also not skinny. Just normal really! If my son started to become over weight I'd certainly make changes as I grew up tubby and hated the way I was treated and made to feel at school. I wouldn't wish that upon him.

My DC and adult and 2 teens now.

I have to say I can't think of a single one of their friends who became overweight/obese during senior school, who weren't already clearly headed that way towards the end of primary.

I don't really agree with those who blame overweight senior school kids, spending their pocket money on junk, for their obesity.

Growing up my mum was overweight but my dad wasn't but I was always a healthy weight.

X post. Yes op I agree tackling it without causes food issues is a tough one. I'd try to get some professional advice, maybe on a forum with nutritionalists or some other professional. My mum and sister were constantly on diets, talking about diets etc. it affected me in my teens and even today I'm never happy with my figure and feel like my food choices are never right!

It's what you eat and drink 80% of the time that has most influence.

If the majority of their meals are balanced and nutritious, then portion size is most likely to be the issue. There may be "healthy" items like smoothies, juice, dried fruits that are underestimated in their contribution to their calorie intake.

It's easy to overestimate the benefits of structured sporting activities (in terms of calorie burn). In many of them children can spend half the time waiting around for their turn. General activity, walking around, active play will add up to a greater amount in the week.

It's worth keeping a food/ drink diary and evaluating portion size. Are "occasional treats" more routine than you tend to think?

Playing the blame game won't help. A lazy husband going for convenient options doesn't help (I know the type well...), but you've got more control to make a positive tweak here and there to make a difference.

It is just so hard working out how to tackle this in a way which won't cause food issues later in life.

If the kids are overweight, the food issues have already happened.

However, it's not too late to change things. Apportioning blame won't really help with that though. You and your DP need to work together on this and stick together.

I'd blame the parents of an overweight child, irrespective of their size.

Are the breakfast choices relatively healthy? Just by switching from branded products to generic (for example) you easily reduce sugar and salt.

Don't let them have coke. Not light or full fat. At least with pure juice you get some goodness in amongst the sugar. Suggest fish or chicken alternatives rather than burgers. What is evm?