To say nothing

[Inarightpickleandchutney]

So.. DH and his friend come back from the pub (friend is stopping here tonight) and I wake up when they open front door.
I'm laying trying to get back to sleep and overheard their conversation.

The pair of them were discussing how they thought my best friend was 'hot' 'fucking hot' and how much of a nice rack she has.

Also DH says things have gone stale with us.

They don't know I heard.

Do I let this go or go down and make an almighty scene??

Make sure you buy yourself something nice

🙄

Gimmemore, because he is the one who thinks it needs freshening up. OP wasn't aware there was a problem. Yes, they will work on it together, but he needs to work a little to make up for hurting her so much. If it were me I'd find it hard to take the lead in 'freshening things up' if 1. I had heard him say things were stale, and 2. I didn't know what the problem was!

So the op is the passive recipient to be wooed and he's the manly fixer of stale marriage
Op can ask,seek mutual resolution and make both make a contribution
Or take mn advice,let him take lead and she can do some shopping for something lovely

6pm, the chat is on!
I'm totally happy to explain how I feel and think that if we

Sorry!
Open and frank equal chat is on in a few minutes.
I needed the time to just stop my head from going too crazy this afternoon

It sounds like you will run rings round him, op

Is he actually a bit thick ?

We'll find out how it goes gimme, but I'd think she needs to know what is wrong before she can be held responsible for fixing it. Anyway, I'm sure they'll work it out.

I've also had a message from the friend apologising for the inappropriate behaviour and conversation

Oh, so after you spoke to your H he went and blabbed to his friend.

They both sound like shitheads. I bet he'll just say what he thinks you want to hear.

Good luck.

Wait, the friend text you? So your husband has blabbed to the friend about it ... a private matter that already had you upset and humiliated. That is a huge issue, even bigger than the original in my mind - shows utter disrespect for your feelings.

Some of you are determined to catastrophise this.so what if dh told his pal
Of course her dh would tell pal.look we were bang out of order what we said,dw upset now
It's ok for him to talk to mate about being a pair of drunk eejits and consequences of this

Agree with pp above, why has he texted his mate so soon as if he's been 'caught out' if he just got carried away chatting to single friend I don't see the need to tell him that dw overheard them.. on top of that you both haven't had a real talk about it yet so that is disrespectful imo

Husband mate has apologised,that's the right thing to do.hes probably embarrassed
He hasn't been caught out as he didn't deny the remarks they made
I think the dh mate apology was probably an attempt to make amends

So let me get this,married people can't discuss marital rows with pals as it's disrespectful
so the whole premise of mn.discussing marriage,family,kids with strangers.is that disrespectful
So women who have mates they confide in about marriage,should they stop it for fear of disrespecting husband

I think I would be ok with DH saying to the friend 'whoops I've really upset her, she heard us talking last night. Can you remember what we said? Can't believe I was so stupid.'

I think.

Course it's ok that her dh confides in mate,she's got a best pal whom I expect she confide in
Many People usually gave a close few mates they confide in.its healthy
One doesn't need their partner permission to have a confidant,nor is it disrespectful

I think you mean can I refrain from expressing opinion you don't care for?no
just like you I'm posting,keeping up with the comments posted.
thats not digs,that's how threads go

Thanks all, conversation actually went ok!
I said very little aside from 'we have to talk' and 'I don't think you understand how disrespectful and hurt I found your discussion'

We did lots of talking about the stale thing and emotion poured out, things I simply hadn't seen were pointed out.

So it's al well and I'm happy I didn't go bonkers, thanks so much for the support we are going to be able to work on this and move forward.

Take care and good luck op

Yes talking is good,it will help you both move forward

Thanks, yep it was rubbish and a crap thing to happen.
I've made my point very very clear.

Very clear.

There was no possible scenario I was going to gloss
Over it, I had to have it out.

It went ok, I do feel better and it's going to be fine but the stale thing has more mileage just not today.

But I have indeed seen very clear. In very few words.

What did he mean by "stale" then ?

And what is he expecting both of you to do about it

As unfortunate as it was to hear stupid drunk comments,it enabled a deeper conversation to happen
You have been able to articulate your feelings,as has he.
Both of you Do the emotional work that needs doing and don't dwell or stew on stuff that doesn't need done

There were a couple of things I'd actually heard but not listened to really, I do get the point now.

Also he acknowledged it was the worst was for this to be discussed.

It worked out pretty good, surprisingly, might turn out to have been a good thing!

Well done!