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Original poster

Please tell me it's possible to have a teen DD who doesn't post pouting selfies and

302 replies

ASeriesofFortunateEvents · 21/01/2017 10:31

responds to photos of friends' selfies with comments like "gorgeous girlie" "l❤️v u loads"

I have several goddaughters dotted around the country and look at photos on their twitter accounts (only chance I get to see them theses days!) and they're all HD brows, cleavages, knicker skimming dresses and babyish talk.

Now I know I might sound like Great Aunt Prudish but DD becomes a teenager next year and I need stories from MN about teenager girls who are NOT like my godaughters.

OP posts:
ShoutOutToMyEx · 21/01/2017 20:09

Grin Cory.

Also - Flowers. Sounds like you had a bit of a tough time growing up.

GreenGinger2 · 21/01/2017 20:23

Sorry but laughing at vapid utterly ridiculous continuous posting is healthy. Of course she doesn't actually do it online,nobody up is allowed to post the truth. She knows that,steps away and laughs from afar and with us as a family. She knows the code,we dare each other but nobody crosses the line.

I really wish some girls would have the guts though to do it and post what many are actually thinking instead of a vapid monologue of a made up life and impression they want to create.

I do wonder what some of these mothers are doing as regards parenting. Why do they let them do it,why don't they treat them to respect themselves and why aren't phones taken off them at a reasonable hour so they can focus on other far worthier activities.

corythatwas · 21/01/2017 20:24

thanks Shout. The silly thing is, my family were not at all nasty or spiteful people, and certainly not in any way bullying towards me- so the whole thing was completely unnecessary, I haven't even got that excuse. It was all insecurity.

BrianCoxWithBellsOn · 21/01/2017 20:30

GreenGinger, what are the fathers doing in your goady, made up scenario?

GreenGinger2 · 21/01/2017 20:31

I've also taught my dd Internet safety.

She knows that whatever she posts will be there forever. Believe me she can navigate herself more than safely.

Our teens are facing a mental health epidemic. I firmly believe a lot is down to the selfie culture.We aren't and haven't experienced the same and never will.

WankingMonkey · 21/01/2017 20:33

What is the crack with the fingers covering face thing? DSD does this a lot and I have asked her why the hell take a photo of your face but have your face covered purposely to do so, and she doesn't know yet keeps doing it...baffling.

I am just kinda glad this all came about once I was older. I dread to think what it would be like having physical evidence...down to the hour... of my gawky teenage selfs journey to adulthood.

itsmine · 21/01/2017 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenGinger2 · 21/01/2017 20:36

It's well known girls follow their mothers example.

In the case of my dd her father makes it very clear that her beauty lies in her personality more than her face,that what she strives to do with her life is more important,that she doesn't need approval from others or make up and that the selfie culture is pretty vapid.

I hope other fathers do the same.

corythatwas · 21/01/2017 20:38

Part of what this mental health epidemic is about, though, Ginger, is about teens sneering at each other, that's why it's so toxic, both for the people who sneer and those who get sneered at. I really don't think you are protecting your dd from this by making your own home a safe haven for sneering at other people.

A much better way of looking out for her would be to teach her that it is possible to have completely different standards, kind, generous, tolerant standards, to not get hung-up on shallow irrelevant things like make-up or no make-up, to not derive your self respect either from emulating other people or looking down on them. That way you would provide an alternative to the teen epidemic you talk about. At the moment, it just looks like the same old.

Slimmingsnake · 21/01/2017 20:39

Not mine...she worked and did alevels to save up to travel..she has high self esteem so no need for anyone else's opinion on her look / size/ hair / knickers / or whatever

OohhItsNotHoxton · 21/01/2017 20:40

Perfectly possible.
I have 2 DDs. One was a pouty Selfie princess type.
The other was the complete opposite.
They are both lovely young women now.

itsmine · 21/01/2017 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WipsGlitter · 21/01/2017 20:44

My sister and I were taking about this. She has three teenage daughters. Lots of "you ❤" replied with "No you!"

I think it's funny.

itsmine · 21/01/2017 20:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreenGinger2 · 21/01/2017 20:47

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/sep/16/social-media-mental-health-teenagers-government-pshe-lessons

They need to ridicule into to not buy into it.

Frankly it is ridiculous,why wouldn't they.Confused

kierenthecommunity · 21/01/2017 20:51

Oh yes, the dog filters. Beyond weird.

I must have missed the fingers thing, all the teen girls that were on my Facebook are at college and uni now and presumably have grown out of it

itsmine · 21/01/2017 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

corythatwas · 21/01/2017 21:00

Ginger, are you really so unimaginative that you cannot think of a better way of teaching your teens independence of social media than to allow them to sit and sneer at the amount of makeup worn by their friends?

And could you explain to me why deriving self worth from wearing no makeup is any less shallow than deriving self worth from wearing lots of it? Aren't both about your outside appearance?

UnbornMortificado · 21/01/2017 21:00

Our teens are facing a mental health epidemic. I firmly believe a lot is down to the selfie culture.

Do fuck off. My DD's mental health issues are related to the death of her brother and nearly losing me. I don't think a few pouty selfies compare to that.

Bobochic · 21/01/2017 21:02

MH issues are about not having the tools to deal with the extraordinarily complex, illogical and fast moving world people have to deal with.

corythatwas · 21/01/2017 21:06

Sometimes, Bobochic. In other cases they are hereditary. Or linked to specific type of physical conditions. Or caused by oldfashioned trauma.

GreenGinger2 · 21/01/2017 21:06

Op is about fawning,pouting and self approval.

You're crazy if you think it's not damaging.

I've taught dd to feel sorry for some of them too. The cringing lip synching videos many were sniggering at online and off. She never posted nasty remarks but pitied them. I told her it wasn't their fault their parents hadn't taught them self respect,what was appropriate or what would be cringy to others. That actually nobody is really interested in other people's selfies or lip synching videos.

I'm so pleased she can snigger at it quietly and rise above it.

She engages in other online teen stuff. Just not the endless selfie/ updates stuff.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 21/01/2017 21:07

*They need to ridicule into to not buy into it.

Frankly it is ridiculous,why wouldn't they*

I don't think you can decide that for them, though. It's up to them what they find ridiculous.

Agree with PP that restricting screen time is a separate and imo valid concern.

GreenGinger2 · 21/01/2017 21:08

Unborn not everybody has lost a brother.

The mental health figures are huge and worrying. Schools are warning re the damage online pressure causes.

GreenGinger2 · 21/01/2017 21:11

Shout I guide them re finding the selfie culture ridiculous just the same as I do with racism and homophobia.

Why are you allowed to guide on some issues and not others.Confused