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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why some people are in denial about their weight?

688 replies

penciltop · 21/01/2017 08:48

Not criticising anyone here but just wondering.

I had a morbidly obese friend who says she is that size because she is muscular and has 'big bones'. I don't comment but she clearly has a lot of fat on her body and she does overeat.

I have come across other people too who say people are healthier these days so are going to be bigger. People say it is because of genetics. Everyone is overweight in their family and that is the reason they are.

I know weight loss isn't easy - trying to lose weight myself! - but surely pretending it is because of reasons outside of your control isn't going to help. People keep telling me I am fine and I don't need to lose weight. Err yes I do according to BMI. I am in the overweight category

Not denying the reasons for people who have real medical reasons such as disabilities or because of medication

OP posts:
Original poster
penciltop · 28/01/2017 17:08

Obesity is a problem in the over 65s too

www.bmj.com/content/341/bmj.c3585

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 28/01/2017 17:12

OP i just noticed this in your OP.

"I had a morbidly obese friend who says she is that size because she is muscular and has 'big bones'. I don't comment but she clearly has a lot of fat on her body and she does overeat"

You put HAD not HAVE. So past tense. Then you use present tense and say that you dont comment You dont use past tense and say that you didnt used to comment.

Interesting.

Original poster
penciltop · 28/01/2017 17:20

Just a typo Helena I still have the morbidly obese friend, I didn't comment in the past and still don't now. Interestingly she is very judgy about other fat people which is quite amusing!

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 28/01/2017 17:37

Its probably a defence mechanism I have an old college acquaintance who comments on my weight and looks every time she sees me Shes about 5 stone heavier than me. (ive gone from 21 stone down to 11 as i mentioned upthread. )

I also have a few hairs on my chin which i occasionally get waxed off. Shes the only person i know who has pointed it out.

I dont find it amusing though. I feel a bit sorry for her.

Basicbrown · 28/01/2017 17:51

Just a typo Helena I still have the morbidly obese friend, I didn't comment in the past and still don't now. Interestingly she is very judgy about other fat people which is quite amusing!

I think people with their own weight problems are more likely to be. My in laws are always making comments about people's weight and they are overweight themselves. People who don't have weight problems are less likely to judge/ give other people's weight any headspace at all.

Stoneagemum · 28/01/2017 18:05

Some of the problem is the recommended calorie intake of 2000 for the average woman.
Using a bmi calculator for a a 5'6 woman with sedentary activity (i.e. No regular exercise/sports) that calorie intake would maintain a 14st body which is obese, healthy weight range for that height is 8st3 to 11st.

Stoneagemum · 28/01/2017 18:36

Even with light activity (exercise/sports 1-3 times a week) 2000 calories a day maintains a body size of 11 stone which is the max healthy weight for a 5'6" woman.
These figures are based on an age of mid 30's

Original poster
penciltop · 28/01/2017 19:03

I think people with their own weight problems are more likely to be. My in laws are always making comments about people's weight and they are overweight themselves. People who don't have weight problems are less likely to judge/ give other people's weight any headspace at all

I think that is true actually. But then it is strange to criticise others when that person is overweight themselves.

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 28/01/2017 19:21

Stoneage im 5"5 and my GP and the nurse practitioner told me not to go below 10 stone 7

But im down 10 stone from 21 so am perfectly happy with that.

Incidentally so are they.

Stoneagemum · 28/01/2017 19:45

Helena 10'7" is in the healthy weight range and possibly active as you have worked hard to be that weight.

The point I was making is that the recommended calorie intake for an average woman is high as it needs a level of activity
That is probably not classified as active.

I for one count myself as an average woman, my activity is walking to and from the bus stop and basic keeping house. I have a desk job so essentially my activity level is sedentary, at 5'6" the 2000 cal recommendation would have me level out at 14 stone according to online calculators.

So I either have to restrict my calls to an average of 1600 per day (the government recommendation for 5-11 year olds) or exercise moderately- exercise/sports for 3-5 hours per week.

Some of the denial can come from the fact the figures that are given for calorie intake are not applicable for the 2017 average woman

Stoneagemum · 28/01/2017 19:47

Damn not great editing above but hopefully you get my gist

hmmmum · 28/01/2017 19:55

I haven't read the whole thread but I've always thought it unfair (for want of a better word) the way in which, if somebody struggles with their weight, the whole world can see and offer comment /judgment. Whereas if you struggle with something else (a secret cocaine addiction or too much alcohol or whatever) its more possible to keep it hidden and every passer by doesn't get to notice and have an opinion. Also some people do put on weight at the drop of a hat whereas others can eat loads more crap before they put on weight. That's why I'm slow to judge or criticise overweight people, I have the privilege of getting to keep my weaknesses hidden. Not to mention the fact that many of my overweight friends are a lot healthier than I am in their eating and exercise habits, I just happen to have a faster metabolism or whatever (I'm slim-ish, not skinny). I'm sick of the overweight bashing. I'm sure they know as much as anybody they should lose weight but it's not as simple as that is it? And maybe they just don't feel like talking about it or even engaging with it all the time, they have other stuff going on in their lives.

Gwenhwyfar · 28/01/2017 20:13

"Yep sounds like obsession to me - why not go back and read your posts?"

Basicbrown - a worry is not the same as an obsession. We are all of us interested in this subject or we wouldn't be on this thread.

Helena - your point about low income people is interesting because low income people also suffer more from overweight and obesity so I don't see how not doing anything about this problem is going to help them.

HelenaDove · 29/01/2017 01:33

What are your ideas Gwen?

Basicbrown · 29/01/2017 08:46

So I either have to restrict my calls to an average of 1600 per day (the government recommendation for 5-11 year olds) or exercise moderately- exercise/sports for 3-5 hours per week.

Well yes you should be doing exercise regardless of your weight. Does the typical woman really just walk to the bus stop...? I would suggest that is our problem not the calorie estimates.

Bibblewanda · 29/01/2017 08:52

Does the typical woman really just walk to the bus stop

Among most of the women I know (mums of young children), none of them do specific exercise, we just walk a lot. I haven't got the time or the inclination to go for a run or to the gym tbh. Ok I suppose I could do it when the baby is in bed but then my day would literally consist of looking after a baby, housework, cooking, exercise and bed. No ta. Need vegging time!

Bibblewanda · 29/01/2017 08:53

And in terms of weight exercise is a lot less important than food. You can lose a shit tonne of weight without doing a mite of exercise.

Basicbrown · 29/01/2017 08:58

I'm aware of that Bobble but like it or not exercise is important for health. Walking distances briskly would count anyway, the bus stop less so. And it does mean you can eat more calories without gaining weight.

formerbabe · 29/01/2017 09:20

And in terms of weight exercise is a lot less important than food. You can lose a shit tonne of weight without doing a mite of exercise

Yep I've lost weight before purely by changing my diet.

At the moment I go to the gym everyday but I still eat the same. It makes not one jot of difference.

Thefitfatty · 29/01/2017 09:25

And in terms of weight exercise is a lot less important than food. You can lose a shit tonne of weight without doing a mite of exercise.

And in terms of long term health, regular exercise has a greater impact than weight loss.

You can lose all the weight you want, but if you don't engage in regular exercise you aren't any better off than the "lazy fatties".

NameChanger22 · 29/01/2017 09:34

I'm a little bit overweight. Some of my excuses include: food is really yummy, I'm bad tempered and miserable when I'm hungry, I can't go to the gym because I'm a single parent without a babysitter and women seem to be more friendly towards me when I'm not slim. I think they're good enough excuses to carry an extra few pounds. I don't think I'm in denial.

Bibblewanda · 29/01/2017 09:38

When do people with young kids find the time to exercise? Genuine question. I'm so exhausted by the time he goes to bed I can barely function let alone go for a run or whatever.

Gwenhwyfar · 29/01/2017 09:43

Helena, I've given some of my ideas in other posts haven't I? Of course, I've been accused of calling for a nanny state, but I believe these things will happen one day anyway, like they have done for smoking.
Subsidies for healthy food, tax on unhealthy food (this one is already starting with the tax on fizzy drinks), more use of the traffic light system (already used in Sainsburys), obligation on manufacturers to have clearer information (sometimes they put the amount of calories for half a portion rather than a full portion or they base a bowl of cereal on 30g whereas it's rare to have such a small bowl), more option for healthy quick meals such as packs of fruit as they do as part of the meal deal in Boots, healthier ready meals, healthier food in fast food places (the chip shop shouldn't be so much cheaper than Pret).Tell employers not to create an atmosphere where people are pressured to eat cakes, etc. and make it part of their duty of care. Create awareness so that people stop with the pressure to eat junk food. Continue with the monitoring of children in schools and follow up with families where there are problems.

These are just vague ideas and I'm sure you'll tear them to shred since you disagree with everything I say in principle, but if we all put pressure on politicians to do something and to resist the food industry, we could get better suggestions from health professionals.

Thefitfatty · 29/01/2017 09:45

When do people with young kids find the time to exercise? Genuine question. I'm so exhausted by the time he goes to bed I can barely function let alone go for a run or whatever.

It's hard. Especially when children are young. I was "lucky" in that I went back to work when my kids were 3 months and could go to the gym during my lunch break. However I'm not so foolish as to believe what works for me will work for everyone. Generally to those with young kids I'd say be kind to yourself. Kids are only young for a few years and once they go to school, etc, it's easier to make time for exercise.

When I'm not working and was home with the kids, I find 30 minute exercise routines on youtube or go for long walks pushing the pram.

Bibblewanda · 29/01/2017 09:45

Most of Pret isn't healthy, just fancier than your average chippy.