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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why some people are in denial about their weight?

688 replies

penciltop · 21/01/2017 08:48

Not criticising anyone here but just wondering.

I had a morbidly obese friend who says she is that size because she is muscular and has 'big bones'. I don't comment but she clearly has a lot of fat on her body and she does overeat.

I have come across other people too who say people are healthier these days so are going to be bigger. People say it is because of genetics. Everyone is overweight in their family and that is the reason they are.

I know weight loss isn't easy - trying to lose weight myself! - but surely pretending it is because of reasons outside of your control isn't going to help. People keep telling me I am fine and I don't need to lose weight. Err yes I do according to BMI. I am in the overweight category

Not denying the reasons for people who have real medical reasons such as disabilities or because of medication

OP posts:
Bibblewanda · 27/01/2017 06:35

I drink less than the average British person

That isn't saying much, as the average British person drinks too much.

Basicbrown · 27/01/2017 07:29

The point is how many people honestly do all of the below...

  • are exactly the correct weight for their height
  • don't drink too much
  • do 30 minutes of exercise 5 times a week
  • don't smoke
  • don't eat too much sugar
  • eat healthy, home cooked meals every day?

It's probably a fairly low percentage and for most of us there will be one or two bullet points that we fall down on at least some of the time. So really preaching to others is ridiculous unless you are perfect yourself. Plus there will be some people who find it difficult to meet all of them, perhaps because of disability or lack of time etc. Life isn't always that simple.

Also I'm slimmer at 40 than I was in my teens. I was never skinny and actually in some ways this helps, you learn to regulate it earlier in life than teens who can apparently eat anything and be a size 6 but later explode....

Basicbrown · 27/01/2017 07:30

I also think it's weird that people barely mention smoking these days, OK the rates have gone down but 1 in 7 adults still smoke so it is still a massive problem.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/01/2017 08:05

Basicbrown - I don't think there's a need to mention smoking as everybody agrees that it's bad for you. Even those who don't agree with it being banned in public places don't argue that smoking isn't bad for you - they just argue for choice and personal responsibility. The fight against smoking has been won as far as I'm concerned. The only problem left is children whose parents smoke in enclosed spaces with them.

Re. your post just above that. Are you saying that nobody should talk about health unless they're perfect themselves? I find that a really silly argument: let's just all of us carry on sleep walking into a nightmare scenario where obesity gets worse and worse because nobody is perfect enough to speak out against it?

Gwenhwyfar · 27/01/2017 08:08

"Im not saying you are an alcoholic at all Im simply asking the same question as the OP is in her OP and applying it to drinking"

How is it comparable? OP hasn't seen someone have a Mars bar and wondered if they're in denial about their eating problems. She's seen people who are clearly overweight or obese and they seem to be in denial. The equivalent would be if I drank all the time, had a red nose and other signs of alcoholism and still denied it.

Zafodbeeblbrox10 · 27/01/2017 08:14

BMI index is a bit like Jeremy kyle's lie detector.. I wouldn't take the results too seriously! I've even known doctors to admit that BMI is fraught with errors

Gwenhwyfar · 27/01/2017 08:32

Of course there are errors, but someone not in denial would be able to tell if they were overweight just by looking. The BMI is only even needed because so many people are in denial.

FizzBombBathTime · 27/01/2017 10:02

No ones saying you abuse alcohol , Gwen. But you might want to do some research into regular 'moderate' drinking as you describe it. There is also such a thing as visceral fat. You don't need to be showing it on the outside to be unhealthy.

FizzBombBathTime · 27/01/2017 10:03

Gwen fwiw I believe in the bmi. I currently have fasted for 3 weeks (had one day where I fell off the wagon 😳) and have lost a stone and half so am now in the healthy zone. But I don't think it's nice criticising overweight people when they will be well aware of their circumstances.

Basicbrown · 27/01/2017 10:05

No one should say it shouldn't be talked about. It is the smug self righteousness on these threads that is the issue.

In terms of smoking I think that the idea that the battle has been won risks minimising it as a problem and people thinking 'well yes, I smoke 20 a day, but I'm not obese and don't drink so that's OK'. But time will tell.

ppeatfruit · 27/01/2017 12:09

To change the subject a bit. I remembered one of the best things about Paul Mackenna (sorry to go on about it but I really do reckon it's the best).

He addresses all the problems, like our lack of self esteem. He suggests that we look at ourselves to acknowledge and ACCEPT ourselves as we are. IMO some people's denial comes from a well of self hatred which he deals with. He also has a book about happiness.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/01/2017 22:38

"But you might want to do some research into regular 'moderate' drinking as you describe it."

Did you miss the part when I mentioned a recent BBC documentary where some experts gave the advice that the safe amount of alcohol was zero or close to it? I'm well aware that some scientists believe any alcohol is bad for you. I don't really see why I need to do more research on it, or what this has to do with the thread.

I've also heard that some long-living communities consume moderate levels of alcohol so for those people, it's clearly not doing them too much harm.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/01/2017 22:39

"I don't think it's nice criticising overweight people when they will be well aware of their circumstances"

But nobody's doing that. This whole thread is about people who are in denial, not those who are well aware.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/01/2017 22:41

"No one should say it shouldn't be talked about."

Well, that's exactly what some people on this thread ARE saying.

"the smug self righteousness on these threads that is the issue."

There is no smug self-righteousness except in the minds of some readers who are projecting their own issues.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/01/2017 22:43

ppeatfruit - I've thought about using Paul Mckenna for various things. I find it hard to believe it really works though otherwise everyone in the world would be happy, thin, rich, etc.

HelenaDove · 27/01/2017 22:47

Botox and vaping are two things that havent been around long enough for us to know the true long term effects of yet.

Maybe we should start worrying about the unknown instead of what is already known.

HelenaDove · 27/01/2017 23:06

But Gwen you didnt like it when i asked whether you could be in denial. After you said yourself that asking if someone is in denial is not vilifying.

You are coming across as a bit of a hypocrite tbh.

Gwenhwyfar · 27/01/2017 23:22

The people in denial are clearly overweight. Op can see that. I clearly don't have a problem with alcohol so am clearly not in denial. Don't you see the difference?
I'm a hypocrite because I have a drink sometimes???

HelenaDove · 27/01/2017 23:53

No you are a hypocrite because you dont like being asked IF you are in denial yet you expect overweight ppl to like it.

Because its not vilifying according to you. Or do you really mean its only not vilifying when its overweight ppl.

Why is it ok to minimise their feelings but not yours.

Original poster
penciltop · 28/01/2017 09:27

This whole thread is about people who are in denial

Not vilifying anyone

OP posts:
Basicbrown · 28/01/2017 09:38

There is no smug self-righteousness except in the minds of some readers who are projecting their own issues.

To be fair this particular thread is quite balanced although it isn't free of self righteousness entirely. I clearly say threads however, as it is hardly a new subject and has been chewed over many times before!

And in terms of talking about it I'm doing so too without judging those who are overweight as I realise I'm not perfect either!

What is your obsession with overweight people Gwen? Do you think they have a better life than you or something?

Gwenhwyfar · 28/01/2017 10:08

Why do you think I have an obsession with overweight people Basic? What have I written that indicates that?

What I do have is a great worry that the situation will get much, much worse before we as a society and the government will do anything about it. We're going to see US levels of obesity before people who have their heads in the sand start admitting there's a problem.

What is the deal with those people who come on to every thread about being overweight to argue it's not a problem? What is the issue from the other side? Why can't you agree that the obesity crisis is a big problem (sorry for the pun) and that we should do something about it? How is it helpful to accuse people of 'fat shaming' just for talking about the subject? Why do you think not talking about it will help?

Basicbrown · 28/01/2017 14:15

What I do have is a great worry that the situation will get much, much worse before we as a society and the government will do anything about it.

Yep sounds like obsession to me - why not go back and read your posts?

Also where have I said that obesity isn't a problem? It is a problem but no more than people not exercising, being stressed at work, smoking, drinking too much etc. Just one part of a bigger picture. A few pounds meh, it isn't harmful.

Also don't people actually have the right to eat too much of the wrong foods? Whether it's bad for them or not? Just like they have the right to drink alcohol or not exercise? What do you want the nanny state to do about it then....?

HelenaDove · 28/01/2017 16:49

People on a low income simply will NOT be able to afford to put something away for their old age. Many ppl on low incomes are struggling to pay for food and heat.
And renting from private landlords and HAs. When they retire or at least have to start winding their hours down due to getting older they will struggle to pay their rent and its quite feasible that there will be homeless pensioners on the streets who will swiftly become ill (if they arent already) and end up in hospital.
You think obesity is the problem?

You aint seen nothing yet!

ItsNachoCheese · 28/01/2017 16:50

.