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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why some people are in denial about their weight?

688 replies

penciltop · 21/01/2017 08:48

Not criticising anyone here but just wondering.

I had a morbidly obese friend who says she is that size because she is muscular and has 'big bones'. I don't comment but she clearly has a lot of fat on her body and she does overeat.

I have come across other people too who say people are healthier these days so are going to be bigger. People say it is because of genetics. Everyone is overweight in their family and that is the reason they are.

I know weight loss isn't easy - trying to lose weight myself! - but surely pretending it is because of reasons outside of your control isn't going to help. People keep telling me I am fine and I don't need to lose weight. Err yes I do according to BMI. I am in the overweight category

Not denying the reasons for people who have real medical reasons such as disabilities or because of medication

OP posts:
Basicbrown · 26/01/2017 08:12

I think it also depends what you mean by being overweight. A BMI of 26-8ish would be perfectly acceptable and it's owner termed 'slim'

Gwenhwyfar · 26/01/2017 08:17

Basicbrown - the normalising of being overweight is something we've talked about. There is some evidence that being a bit overweight can be good for you, but I think that depends on age as well. I think size inflation is one of the major reasons why slightly overweight people might be in denial, but I've been accused of 'size shaming' for pointing that out in the past.

Bibblewanda · 26/01/2017 08:34

Getting a bit drunk sometimes is part of our culture

The point is you shouldn't ever get drunk - getting drunk means you have drunk to excess.

I personally hate the fact there is a culture of needing to have a drink to have a good time - it's not necessary. Whereas with the right balance food can and should be a life enhancing, joyful thing.

The slimmest people I know never really think about what they eat. They really do just eat when hungry and stop when full.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/01/2017 08:44

"I personally hate the fact there is a culture of needing to have a drink to have a good time - it's not necessary."

I'm afraid it's necessary for some of us who are too shy to talk to strangers and acquaintances otherwise. Life is set up around it too. Having a cup of tea in a pub is OK for the first hour, but it gets boring pretty quickly. There was a programme on the BBC recently with experts saying that the safe drinking limit was not 14 units a week, but nothing. I'm within the 14 units most weeks, but going down to nothing would just take the joy out of my life. I'm doing dry January at the moment and that's bad enough.

formerbabe · 26/01/2017 09:09

Gwenhwyfar

I see some of your comments as very judgemental about overweight people, yet you have just said you need a drink to relax and socialise and are finding dry January tough. Can't you see the irony? Everyone has a vice of some sort. I like chocolate, you like a drink. Why is one vice more socially acceptable than another. Is it because fat people are just seen as physically less attractive?

Anyway, good luck for dry January...Hope it works out for you.

Bibblewanda · 26/01/2017 09:19

I'm afraid it's necessary for some of us who are too shy to talk to strangers and acquaintances otherwise.

Oh the irony!!!

FWIW I have major social anxiety which I have had to work on. But I do manage to socialise without a drink making it necessary.

Bibblewanda · 26/01/2017 09:20

going down to nothing would just take the joy out of my life

See that to me says volumes. Compare that to food.

AssassinatedBeauty · 26/01/2017 09:26

The alcohol comparison is interesting. I have a completely healthy attitude to alcohol. I rarely drink, never to excess these days, and I can happily socialise without drinking, even though I'm not a people person. I can have one or two drinks and then stop. I got used to not drinking from when I was TTC, then being pregnant and so on. If only I had that completely relaxed attitude to food!

BillDoor · 26/01/2017 09:47

I minimise my obesity because of interference from others.
I know I'm fat thanks. I know how to deal with it thanks. Take a look in the mirror sometime MIL, I know your clothes size. You are a Fatty McFat too. Don't tap my hips when we are in the supermarket and tell me I shouldn't eat this or that because I need to lose weight. I'm quite fucking aware of it and a muller light isn't going to fix it.
It's the lectures from people that know fuck all about healthy eating. (REALLY?! you are telling me to drink diet coke when I'm naturally a water drinker?!)
I've joined the gym, it's no one's business but mine how often I go or what exercise I do. You are not a physio or trainer. You know fuck all about it.

It's the constant "education" from other people who think you don't realise you are fat. THAT is why I minimise.

theclick · 26/01/2017 10:15

I know a few people like this.

  • A friend who insists she's a size 10 even though all her clothes are burst at the seams. On nights out, we have to do her zip up after she's been to the loo and sometimes we just struggle.
  • a family member who seems to think she's slim but is a size 16 and eats huge portions.

These aren't massively debilitating - I mean at the end of the day neither of them are morbidly obese - but there is a slight lack of awareness.

StiginaGrump · 26/01/2017 10:17

Isn't it just part of that aspect of humanity that is good for our self image but makes us into shits sometimes- we take credit overly for our achievements and thus judge others for not being as great as we are. When it comes to our weaknesses we are all excuses.
I rarely nudge over my bmi and soon come back down but I should be fat - I eat crisps by the family bag and packs of butter in a week, I love to fry food and on top of this I drink like a fish, 14 units would be an evening for me. It's a quirk of my metabolism and fairly active lifestyle that keeps me relatively slim and I am not an emotional eater. My brother and sister take after my mum and they eat similarly to me, sometimes much less but are very overweight. I am amazed how many of us are still slim when junk is pushed everywhere.

StiginaGrump · 26/01/2017 10:19

Oh and I meant people are in 'denial' because they can't be arsed dealing with smug self congratulate thin people giving them tips.

TaraCarter · 26/01/2017 10:20

I don't think many people have

Thefitfatty · 26/01/2017 10:26

I read a great article by a psychiatrist who specializes in eating disorders that said people who fall in the morbidly obese category more often than not have the same mindsets and body dysmorphia type behaviors as people with anorexia and bulimia. They are using food as a form of control over their lives. So like many anorexics don't see how unhealthy they are until they begin recovery, morbidly obese people may see themselves the same way.

That being said, I'm sure many overweight/obese people who seem to be in denial just don't give a flying fuck about their size or societies opinion of it and are just making comments to deflect any kind of fake concern and insincere concern about their health.

Some people are actually genuinely happy and healthy being fat.

TaraCarter · 26/01/2017 10:40

Ah shite.

I don't think many people have accurate ideas of their weight, overweight or slim. How many women of a healthy weight and body fat percentage are actually happy with themselves when they look in the mirror? Overweight people may think they're smaller, but loads of smaller women think they're huuuuuuge!

I used to be overweight, and part of how I became overweight was through resignedly accepting as a teenager that I was faaaaaaat and ugly and always would be. However, I accepted this at a point when I was doing a lot of sport and was provably still in the healthy BMI range, even fully dressed (inc shoes!) and post breakfast.

I was certainly not slim anywhere between BMI 25-28, and no-one, absolutely no-one, said I was, but as I'd thought I was fat before, I didn't see the weight gain as any significant change.

Given the frequency of poor body image amongst teen girls, I suspect this is not uncommon pathway.

Basicbrown · 26/01/2017 10:49

But gwenfahr if being slightly overweight isn't bad for you then what does it matter if you're in denial anyway? I don't buy that BMI under 30 is detrimental to health tbh but people still come out with stuff like '22 is perfect for most people'. A lot of it is vanity and judgy shite that has nothing to do with health at all. Obviously if your BMI is 45 that is a pretty serious thing. Bit like the difference between 2 glasses of wine a day and a bottle of vodka.

FizzBombBathTime · 26/01/2017 11:12

Gwen society's alcohol consumption is also a nationwide problem... But yet you're justified in drinking but overweight people should be vilified?! Cool...

Thefitfatty · 26/01/2017 11:25

The ageing population is the biggest drain on every Western country now. Should we vilify the elderly for living too long?

FizzBombBathTime · 26/01/2017 11:26

Yes fit kill them off quick!!! Grin

Thefitfatty · 26/01/2017 11:29

Yes fit kill them off quick!!!

It would really answer everything...more housing, more jobs, less money for health care....Wink

FizzBombBathTime · 26/01/2017 11:33

I agree. I'm going to write a letter to my MP ASAP

LadyLothian · 26/01/2017 15:14

I remember reading something, I think it was by Caitlin Moran, about how food was the drug of carer's and responsibilities to other people. Consuming alcohol and drugs in high enough quantities stop you being there for children if they cry. Eating a sharing bag of doritos is not healthy, but if your baby cries in the night it won't stop you hearing them.

But it's an addiction nevertheless. And addicts are frequently in denial.

Certain foods trigger the same part of the brain as alcohol and drugs. Junk food is now being designed in labs specifically to trigger that addictive response. We villify those who consume the food for weighing down the NHS, but we don't penalise companies who cynically exploit people's weaknesses to sell pies.

This is not the case for everyone, and I myself am disabled and obese so probably biased. I have lost three stones and hope to lose more.

But when I'm in pain and am stuck inside and feeling like life is passing me by it's very hard to turn down food. Food is pleasureable and sometimes life is very hard. We all have coping mechanisms.

VanillaSugar · 26/01/2017 15:15

Logan's Run was a film from the 1970s where they killed everybody over the age of 30. How much of Mumsnet would that wipe out?

CompanyOfCats · 26/01/2017 15:51

I am amazed how many of us are still slim when junk is pushed everywhere.

Me too. The earlier poster's comment that we live in an 'obesogenic' (or something like that) society really rang true for me. Even healthy eating plans seem excessive to me. Does anybody need the amount of food that is recommended? Can the planet support it? I have so many concerns about the way we are living.

And I really get the comments about Westerners. We are subjected to never ending sophisticated advertising, cheap deals on junk food, MacDonalds sponsoring high profile events etc. I know this will make me unpopular but I don't care: I strongly believe that the government has a responsibility here. And I'm no supporter of a nanny state, far from from it but I think the argument of 'free choice' is dubious when ad campaigns are run like psychological warfare and foods are 'designed in labs specifically to trigger that addictive response' as LadyLothian said.

Sugar is the new tobacco.

ppeatfruit · 26/01/2017 16:02

Yes soo true Company It's not just sugar though , high salt also is addictive . I remember a talk given by a nutritionist , who mentioned the high salt and high sugar seesaw, we become addicted to both.

Some people can cope with a bit of sugar and other (like diabetics) can't, that includes honey too.