To be a bit irritated by my friend?

[cattypussclaw]

So... have this friend. Met her about three years ago when she had one child. She's since had a second baby.

Ok, fair enough. I just say it because I know people who have had really hard lives and they genuinely are lovely, caring, generous people. I also know people like your friend and it's nothing to do with their backgrounds, it's because they're narcs. They're just selfish people who only care about themselves. You could be lying bleeding to death on their kitchen floor and ask them to call an ambulance, and they'd say "You know I could but I don't want to waste my phone battery in case I need it later". It's all about them and what they can get for themselves.

Anyway, I just say it because you sound like a nice person and she really doesn't sound like a nice person. I think you deserve better. But obviously I don't know you or her, so perhaps I'm way off the mark. Just something to think about

I would have expected her to offer it to you for nothing after everything you've done for her. YANBU to be annoyed - I would be too.

Not RTWT but

YANBU to be miffed, I would be too.

I would say "Thanks but I think £X was a fair price so if you really want another £10 on top for it then feel free to sell it to someone else"

Something that kind of spells out that you are miffed about it.

I have found that addressing these things directly rarely leads to a happy conclusion. Let her come to that conclusion yourself. Sometimes people aren't thinking straight through rather than simply being grabby.

OP - I think you are right that her difficult upbringing has given her a skewed perspective on things and she needs to be given a bit more slack than the average person

Thanks NightWanderer, I hear ya! No, of course, not everyone who has had a hard life end up with issues like my friend. It is possible she's an utter narcissist. But I don't know, how do you tell? Would rather be taken minor advantage of by a narc than confirm everything she thinks about how people only help you because they want them to owe you one. If she takes advantage, it's of my time and things that would go to charity, mostly, so no harm done to me. I'm making excuses, I know...

I think your response and jokey comment were perfect. I think I'd have done the same.

I would buy the phone if she offers it to you.

Ooh I hate users!! You sound nice op x

Catty you sound like a lovely, sensible person and a good friend. Don't change. The world needs good, caring people right now

Could you say "Mates rates?"

Your "friend" is taking the piss. I know quite a few people with awful upbringings and they don't act like this. Conversely, the person I know who DOES act like this had a lovely upbringing; she's just selfish and self centred, like this "friend". So stop making excuses for this woman.

If had a friend/relative who was as generous to me as you are to this woman, I'd have happily offered her the phone for free as soon as I knew she was in the market for one. It'd just be a small way of saying 'thank you' for all they'd done. But then again, I don't associate with people who are all just 'take/take/take/me/me/me'.

There's no way I'd buy the phone off her now, and this whole situation would really have me looking at how one sided the 'friendship' is and scaling things way back. For a start there'd be absolutely no more freebies for her.