To be a bit irritated by my friend?

[cattypussclaw]

So... have this friend. Met her about three years ago when she had one child. She's since had a second baby.

Did you tell the friend that you knew this?

Give an inch and some folk will take a mile! Keep her at arms length, would be my advice.

Place marking for the post lunch denouement...

*Rollon
A few years later (after more some 'lower level' taking) it came out in an angry exchange with my friend, yes.

We are no longer friends. I was eventually paid about £500 back.

I'd just say 'take the better offer'. Yes, it's only a tenner but that's not the point when you've given so freely in the past. We had friends like this, similar maybe slightly better financial situation to ours, but when we helped them out we gave our time, work and things freely, came the times for them to help us out and there was always a cost for us. Came to a head when DH was buying a new truck, the dealer offered us a price just under book price for year and model as trade in on the old truck. They were looking for a truck for their ds, DH mentioned what dealer had offered and said he'd be willing to take 200 hundred less from them. They accepted bu the day of handover only brought a cheque for 300 less than that amount citing a need for new tyres and brakes!
They were genuinely annoyed when DH said he wasn't willing to take a $500 hit, yet when we bought a year old washing machine and dryer from them (they'd found they were too small for their needs) they charged us the full list price they'd paid for them - like mugs we'd paid up, so our fault, but even so we could have got brand new for just a little more.

binky you're a better woman than I, I would have said something to the mother!

ALittleMop, why? I only meant that I couldn't be bothered starting a row over a tenner, not that I couldn't be bothered with my friend...

Stunned by all your stories on here. Guess there are "givers" and "takers"...

Bit of an anticlimax here, I'm afraid. She popped round in her lunch hour and we chatted about the kids and stuff and, when there was a lull in the conversation, I said, "So, what's happening with your phone then?". She shrugged and said she didn't know as she had three people interested. I took a deep breath, harnessed the power of Mumsnet, and said, with a smile, "But you're not going to sell it to some stranger on Facebook, are you? You're going to sell it to your lovely, kind, generous, babysitting-at-the-drop-of-a-hat friend because you love her more than you do an extra tenner, right?". She said, yeah, she supposed so. I'd made my point and left it at that. She is due to get her new phone on Monday so it'll be interesting to see what happens.

Thank you, lovely Mumsnetters, for helping me think through this and come at it (hopefully) from the right angle.

binky Just saw your post - officially gobsmacked. That's bloody unbelievable cheek. Like MrsArthur, I'd have had to tell the mother.

I think you probably struck the right note there and it may flick a little switch inside her. Yay to the power of mumsnet

PS. Don't think my offer was cheeky. It's an iPhone 6. Going rate looked like £150-200, I offered £180 as it's only a 16gb. Thought that was fair?

Binky! Thats awful - did you ever say anything?

I wouldnt take the phone now,she took the good out of it.You have seen her true colours.At least now you can tell her no with a clear conscience.Its her loss in the long run.

She even shrugged when you gave her another chance.That would be it.No more freebies or picking things up for her.You have her measure now.

Arthur & Splendor (I have no clue how to do bold, sorry). I just couldnt tell her. It would have upset her so much - it's her daughter.

Nicely put, OP. Still bet she has the brass neck not to bring it up again, having sold it for the extra £10 to a stranger.

Well done op!

Catty, you are my hero! You handled it brilliantly.

Binky, you make me feel quite bad now for getting my feathers in a fluff about a tenner. £1k!!

BTW, love your name. Binky was my first much-loved moggie. Pic attached.

Sorry for hijacking thread a bit Catty! 'Takers' are a bit of a sore point with me.

£10 or £1000, it doesn't matter. It's about valuing friendship and BOTH parties giving and taking.

I think you handled your situation really well.

Is anyone else waiting for the AIBU thread saying 'AIBU to be miffed at my friend who implied that I'm ungrateful for her friendship and wants me to sell her my phone for less than someone else is willing to pay?'

I am

Well played op!

icanteven, we'll see next week whether she rocks up with the phone for me or whether it's never mentioned again.

Tempted to text her later and say, "Told (my daughter) that she's getting your old phone next week. She's so excited!". But I'm not going to because I want to see what happens.

I do feel for her. She has her hands full with two small children and a full time job with no family support and, as I mentioned, had an unspeakably horrible upbringing with an abusive Mum and alcoholic Dad. I have time and (some) money and can give her a hand. Happy to do that. I just find the line between helping out someone less fortunate and being taken advantage of a hard one to call. On balance though, I'd rather be taken advantage of than fail to give help to someone who needs it.

Oh, and I forgot to mention her husband, who suffers from depression and social anxiety and rarely leaves the house...

Binky, with your username you can hijack away!

LaContessa

Catty you sound like a wonderful friend. Hope your friend realises how lucky she is and comes through for you!

When I first read your Op I was outraged on your behalf, but on reading the update less so.

It sounds like she has never been taught or had it modelled how friendships work at a young age. It's totally obvious to us that friends look out for friends and this was a good opportunity for her to do you a favour, but if that's not been demonstrated to her, then she may just not get it.

It's too late now, but I think it would have been better to have been totally honest at lunch time and just say that you were a bit upset that she wanted an extra tenner from you because of all the clothes and help you've given her over the years and that you thought that you were friends.

Catty, the problem is you're too nice...you've let me hijack thread and you're STILL justifying your friend's behaviour

Agree with Fly's comment that "takers" just keep taking as long as "givers" keep giving.

I'm a generous friend but I hate being taken for a mug.

I had a "friend" who was a classic taker. She was always pleading poverty but strangely always had enough money to go out on the lash whenever the fancy took her. She was very bold when it came to asking for stuff too.

I gave her loads and loads of Brio train stuff when my ds grew out of it (she specifcally asked for it). It had cost a fair bit over the years but I gave it with good grace. Six months later she sold the whole lot on Ebay, I found out from a mutual aquaintance. I was pretty pissed off and decided then I wouldn't be helping her out anymore. Needless to say she lost interest in me when I wasn't a constant source of stuff.