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AIBU?

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Original poster

Good sleepers are less intelligent kids???

163 replies

SparklyFuckingBusinessFairy · 19/01/2017 08:31

Chatting with a colleague yesterday about our babies (16 months old), and she was moaning that her DS never sleeps. DD is a pretty good sleeper these days, usually sleeps for 10-12 hours. Then she said smugly, "of course, they say poor sleepers are much more intelligent," at which I was a bit Shock. Even if you think that, even if it's scientifically true, you don't say it in those circumstances.

However, it is certainly true that her DS is very advanced; he walked at 10 months and says loads of words, whilst DD is bang on average so far and just has a few words that all sound the same (cheese, sneeze etc).

What are your experiences - are good sleepers and easy going kids generally less smart? Or can I tell her to get stuffed with her smugness?! And was she as rude as I thought she was, or was I being hypersensitive and perceiving criticism where there was none?

OP posts:
Original poster
SparklyFuckingBusinessFairy · 19/01/2017 10:16

Yeah thanks OhhBetty - but what I actually said was, she makes her "poor" DH do most of the WEEKEND wakeups. Surely it's fair to split it then, unless you think that stay at home parents don't deserve any break at all? Why on earth would it matter whether the parent is male or female?

Plus, her situation is identical to mine, save for the wakey wakey baby, so no, I wasn't judging that!

OP posts:
corythatwas · 19/01/2017 10:17

Irvine, I though sleep was the bit where our brains process the information from the day. How is that an impediment to intelligence?

YouOKHun · 19/01/2017 10:18

My DS (3rd out of four DC) slept like a log and when awake was the subject of sympathetic glances from other mothers for failing to talk, walk etc etc until way after his peers. If ever there was a negative statistic it applied to him. Luckily he was my third so I'd already learned that all these correlations were meaningless and every child even from the same parents is different. Despite my DS being bottom of the Tumble Tots class he's now in his final year at Oxford and can now walk, talk and pull himself up to standing. He can still sleep through the night. Ignore it all OP, there will always be someone at this stage to tell you you're doing it wrong or your baby is not hitting some imaginary mark, it's all rubbish.

LauraMipsum · 19/01/2017 10:24

At 16 months in I was obsessed with DD's sleep, every other baby's sleep, and talking utter gibberish as well. I'd put it down to lack of sleep rather than rudeness.

user789653241 · 19/01/2017 10:24

I only have my ds' experience, but he was great sleeper at night, but never needed any naps during the day. So he was always doing something, not just sat in the cot crying. Just had less than normal/average sleep than other children, and was very advanced from early age.

Original poster
SparklyFuckingBusinessFairy · 19/01/2017 10:25

Ignore it all OP, there will always be someone at this stage to tell you you're doing it wrong or your baby is not hitting some imaginary mark, it's all rubbish

I should print this out, laminate it, and chant it to myself like a mantra! I definitely suffer with googleitis and anxiety (which started after DM died, never had an anxious day in my life before that!), so this is great advice.

OP posts:
myfavouritecolourispurple · 19/01/2017 10:27

short children are caused by sleep deprivation

my ds was tiny as a small child despite sleeping a lot.

user789653241 · 19/01/2017 10:32

corythatwas, I am worried, because i think so too. Maybe the myth about gifted and less sleep is more to do with 2e.
But you can't force child to sleep if they can't.

Deathraystare · 19/01/2017 10:33

In that case, I am fucking Einstein!!!

user789653241 · 19/01/2017 10:34

Maybe the quality/depth of sleep matter more than actual hours?

toptomatoes · 19/01/2017 10:36

I try to convince myself that is true after more than a decade of sleep deprivation. I suspect it's one of those things people say to make you feel better though - like a bird pooing on your head is good luck. Of course it is.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 19/01/2017 10:36

I've never seen any evidence to suggest that "bad" sleepers are more intelligent than those who sleep through the night. I wonder if any research has been carried out in this area?

But saying that a child who sleeps well is very intelligent doesn't disprove the theory.

bookworm14 · 19/01/2017 10:37

My DD must be a grade-A thicko then as she currently sleeps from 7.30pm to 8am at 17 months! Grin She was a terrible sleeper for the first 7 months of her life though, so perhaps she started out as a genius and got stupider...

Seriously though, it's just something people say to make themselves feel better. Don't let it bother you.

ZZZZ1111 · 19/01/2017 10:39

OP also just because her partner does the majority of the wake ups doesn't mean her baby's (non)sleep isn't impacting on her.

It will be affecting many aspects of their lives - mood, relationship, freedom to leave their baby with babysitters/family members for an evening out, they will be made to feel they have been doing something 'wrong' as parents.. etc. Have a bit of sympathy for them Wink

Haudyerwheesht · 19/01/2017 10:40

A doctor said this to me when ds was little. I think he was trying to make me feel better...odd though.

Fwiw ds was a terrible sleeper - walked at just 10 months, talked very well very early etc etc. He's 10 now and is pretty much average or thereabouts.

Dd was an amazing amazing sleeper - also walked at 10 months, was a bit later talking but more to do with tongue tie than anything else and is now aged 6 probably slightly above average intelligence wise.

Of course this all focuses on academic intelligence which isn't the only kind.

Seeingadistance · 19/01/2017 18:30

My son is 15 now and still doesn't sleep much. Awake at 3am, back up at 4am, in to chat to me at 5am! And that's 15 years, not months!

Please, just let the sleep deprived grasp at whatever crumbs of comfort are offered!

MarcelineTheVampire · 19/01/2017 18:50

She's trying to make herself feel better as she is probably horribly horribly sleep deprived. It's more than likely the only thing her last shred of sanity is holding onto so let her have it....

It's a load of rubbish though....

WhooooAmI24601 · 19/01/2017 18:59

Utter nonsense. This is the stuff parents of non-sleepers tell themselves to feel better about their night-time-fuckery. I should know; DS2 never slept a night through til he went to school. DS1 slept like an angel from the moment he was born. Both are bright, both hit physical milestones like walking and crawling early, both are incredibly good readers, both can be idiotic in equal measure. Surely non-sleeping babies are too tired to prance about quoting Nietzsche?

BlackeyedSusan · 19/01/2017 18:59

some gifted kids do not need as much sleep.

this does not mean every good sleeper is thick or every poor sleeper is a genius.

glueandstick · 19/01/2017 19:06

In that case I've given birth to Einstein.

Perhaps it's because non-sleeping babies have more time to practice all these skills. ;(

VaginaDentata · 19/01/2017 19:10

"of course, they say poor sleepers are much more intelligent"

When 'they' start being quoted about something, that's when you get out your notebook and ask what scientific journal the peer-reviewed study was published in.

Doolallylally · 19/01/2017 19:11

My middle one was the best sleeper and he's easily the most intelligent of the three. When he was a toddler we used to find that he'd fallen asleep in the corner, in the middle of a game.

My oldest and youngest were hell on legs with their sleeping, both waking several times a night. The youngest was still waking when he started school.

Amaried · 19/01/2017 19:11

Actually she is completely wrong. A recent American study has shown the children who regularly get 10 or more hours a night show better cognitive ability than those that don't.
Drop that into conversation the next time she comments!

notyourmummy · 19/01/2017 19:14

Laddo's always slept very well (through from 8mo, dropped naps at 4.5yo and sleeps 6.30-7.30 at night now at 5.5yo. According to school he's classed as a gifted child. So no, it's rubbish.

abbsisspartacus · 19/01/2017 19:21

My four year old is a shite sleeper always has been he is below average in everything my daughter was a brilliant sleeper she was a good A student