to be pissed at my husband for not telling me when to stop shopping?

[Kathmandu12]

So my husband and I had an agreement three years ago that he will set aside £900 per month for savings immediately. And that he'd tell me if I'm going overboard with spending. Since I don't manage money well, he takes care of it.

Anyway admittedly sometimes I go overboard (although I return a lot of what I buy) but I keep asking him and he just says he has money.

So now I just found out all we have is $2500, which will go to card payment and my summer class tuition fee.

His salary is £49000 net. We rent, we don't have a car, we have no kids. He has no vices, although he did have a tooth implant and root canal procedure last year which cost a lot.

I don't work but I have an internship that pays a bit, which I put in a savings account - so essentially that's our only savings.

I am pissed because I wasn't expecting this. So if he gets sacked from his job for any reason we won't have money.

Well, first I will stop spending money and give myself a budget of maybe $300 max/month.

What are your going to spend the $300 on - clothes? How about having a clothes buying free year in 2017? It doesn't sound like you need any more.

Or at the very least, if you're going to blow any money on your spending habit, it should come from your internship income.

At the moment, looks as if you're good at saving your income and spending his.

Do you not think you need to take responsibility for your own spending?

At the moment, looks as if you're good at saving your income and spending his.

Agreed, she's only bad with his money.

Also it seems like you're spending more than you think. If you're returning items as you claim then you must be spending way more than the "$1000" or whatever figure

I'd you bought $1000 of items and returned $800 worth then your spending totals $200

So find out how much you are REALLY spending

Thank you, Deathstare. You're very right, only one thing - the $2000 is a realistic savings amount for us

1. If you're bad with money you have no idea whether this is realistic or not. Either accept it might not be realistic or admit that you're not bad with money and that's just an excuse you use.

1. Any specific amount is only "realistic " in the context of an entire household budget. Regardless of whether or not you are bad with money, you can't have any clue whether this amount is realistic or not unless you handle the entire household budget and you don't.

1. It clearly isn't realistic in your current context or it would have happened.

It's all very well to sell your stuff on eBay, but when you are still saying you will insist your DH puts X amount in a savings account you actually haven't changed anything. The answer to this "problem" is to sit down and go through the finances properly with him, them for you to take equal responsibility for them. Not for you to insist that he does anything.

Is everyone missing that the op's husband has kept her completely in the dark regarding their financial position and won't let her see their account balances?

Clearly the op's attitude to spending isn't great but does everyone else really think their situation is normal and acceptable?

I don't usually condone what I am suggesting now, however a preloaded cash card might be the answer to your inability to control your spending.
When the cash on the has been spent it can't be used until its topped up again.
It's not unreasonable to ask to see the financial situation.

I came on to say what 00100001 said

OP I am not great with money. I am an intelligent woman with a good job knocking 40 and I have always been bad at reining myself in.

I tend to fritter money away without keeping a mental tally. I got myself into a mess at the end of last year where I needed my husband to bail me out (by £500) as I went over my overdraft limit. Not my finest moment, and it gave me a wake up call.

Since Jan 1st I have done the following:

1. Written down everything I absolutely have to cover each month - direct debits/ standing orders (rent, council tax, phone, credit card, etc)

1. Written down all the things I know I need to pay for / cover in the next month - kids brownies subs, lunch money, birthday cards and gifts, train tickets, etc

1. This has left me with a 'balance' between what I got paid and the maximum of my overdraft. I am deliberately forcing myself to see this as a limit for a target

1. I have then written down every single penny I am spending - down to the 50p/ day snack money for DD's preschool!

This is a) making me not overspend, and I am b) acutely aware of when I am spending money and making me not buy things (and actually put things back on the shelf).

I have set myself a target to bring my overdraft down each month so that I am back in the black each month by the end of the year.

Yes it's early days but I feel I have had an epiphany!

So, I would strongly suggest you sit down with your husband and together work out your household income and commitments. Both of you need to take collective and personal responsibility for managing your finances.

It's hard but you can do it

I don't know what your point is.

We are both baffled then.

I have to agree with an earlier post which asked if this post is real, I feel that inspite of you knowing your bad with money you expect someone else to keep you right, even with all the replying posts on here, the advice and questions they have you actually really have no clue that your being unreasonable.
Yes he told you to save what you get, he is paying the credit card bill you have ran up out of money he has earned for both of you and for your future and you don't seem to get the sheer irresponsibility on your part here it's very unfair on your oh. Many apologies if I'm wrong but your posts and replies to others give me the impression that your just not bothered about what your doing and the effect this could have on your oh and that its he's fault for not stopping you from doing it.
This post should be from your oh seeking clarification on wether you are being unreasonable and I think many would agree you are.
I can't figure out hoe old you are as your whole attitude is that of a young teen wanting everything and having no concept of the value of money due to lack of life experience and and also quite a flippant attitude to any constructive comments made.
I really want you to own your spending problem, take responsibility for it and life In general and basically give you a damn good shake.

Asking for access to your DH's bank account is missing the point. That won't do anything to address the issue. What you need to do is go through your household budget together and work out new figures for savings, personal spending etc. And then YOU need to take responsibility for sticking within the limits that you both set.

Oh and get rid of the credit card and use cash - it's too easy to spend on a credit card!

Because that's the amount of savings we agreed upon.

But you cant help but spend money. Its odd how you are bad with money, but managed to not spend your own, avoid answering why you cant use your own savings for the card bill and then all of a sudden think giving you free reign to access the joint savings is a good idea.

I dont think you are upset he didnt tell you to stop spending. I think you are upset that there isnt much left and if you spend more you will have to go without. Because either your tuition or card bill won't get paid.

You dont want to use your savings. You want to spend his money and still keep your own and that this has come to a temporary stop.

You arent bad with money.

OP, sorry to see you getting such a hard time. You've freely admitted you have a problem and have quite cheerfully taken a lot of flack and repeated questions about currency etc.

Best of luck with everything. I am sure you can begin to take responsibility if your OH can agree to letting you see bank details etc.

OP, I'm in the exact same position. I thought we were saving but all the money is in my husband's business a/c and I don't see it. We have been spending a bit too freely and I have just discovered we have no saving either. I was going to post AIBU to feel my husband is responsible for not keeping me abreast of things ( I asked all the time and was told we had savings) But, in my heart, I knew we were spending too much and I didn't insist on seeing all the a/cs and figures myself. I feel you.

Op I think you are getting a hard time actually.

Dh could tell you a budget after bills and you would then be one step nearer to managing money. If it's just a reliance on him checking it's not fail safe esp if he is wanting to make you happy.

Ask him how much there is for spending and keep a total. Come months down the line reduce that amount. Etc.

So he has to save a certain amount (as defined by you) AND tell you if you are overspending AND you are pissed off because he doesn't have as much as you thought.

Get a grip, take some fucking responsibility for your own actions - you aren't a child, so stop behaving like one.

And I'm not surprised that he doesn't give you access to the account.

HeyToTheHo

I consider myself an intelligent person too but I really have a difficulty when it comes to shopping. You are right, I should follow suit.

I used to track everything I buy when we first started the savings project, I just lost my way. I will go back to doing that.

And yes, it seems I don't need any more clothes or stuff for the year.

Bloody hell, grow up and take some responsibility for your spending problems.

And I'm not surprised that he doesn't give you access to the account.

Not even to see the balances?

noeuf

I keep asking him all the time if he needs money, if I'm overspending and he just says no he doesn't need money, everything was fine. I know I was irresponsible with not tracking my spending, and just relying on him telling me everything was fine but I genuinely thought he was sticking to the savings budget we agreed upon. He's had two salary raise since so I just stupidly assumed it was covered.

You're not bad with money, you know how much you have coming in, where it goes, and what the basic outgoings are. You're using this as an excuse so you can carry on shopping, because you like shopping. Stop it.

Just stop buying shit, OP. It's not difficult. If you don't need it, don't buy it. Don't even tempt yourself by going to the shops, and get rid of the credit card so you can't shop online. Simple. Done.

I agree with most pps that you need to take more responsibility for your own spending, but I'm baffled that everyone is letting your DH off the hook quite so much.
Is it somehow impossible that he has done most of the overspend? Why did he say 'it's fine' when you asked if there was enough money?
I'd be upset if my DH lied to me about money and I can't believe the collective wisdom of MN is missing this rather important point.