to be pissed at my husband for not telling me when to stop shopping?

[Kathmandu12]

So my husband and I had an agreement three years ago that he will set aside £900 per month for savings immediately. And that he'd tell me if I'm going overboard with spending. Since I don't manage money well, he takes care of it.

Anyway admittedly sometimes I go overboard (although I return a lot of what I buy) but I keep asking him and he just says he has money.

So now I just found out all we have is $2500, which will go to card payment and my summer class tuition fee.

His salary is £49000 net. We rent, we don't have a car, we have no kids. He has no vices, although he did have a tooth implant and root canal procedure last year which cost a lot.

I don't work but I have an internship that pays a bit, which I put in a savings account - so essentially that's our only savings.

I am pissed because I wasn't expecting this. So if he gets sacked from his job for any reason we won't have money.

The song 'Handbags and Gladrags' Rod Stewart springs to mind.

I don't think she has an addiction either.

If she were genuinely addicted, surely she'd be profligate with all the money, rather than just her husband's money, whilst she squirrels all hers away?

For what it's worth op, I don't think you're being 100% unreasonable. If your dh had agreed to tell you when to stop spending then he should have done that, you were unreasonable to have delegated this responsibility to him though! Also I get happiness from shopping, it's not my only source of happiness, far from it but I do enjoy shopping so I understand that.

Now you know however it's time to take charge of your own finances, the money board on mumsnet often has some good tips and hints so might be worth checking out.

"Play money"

Grow up.

Sadly I think Ellisandra has nailed it.

You sound bonkers.

HTH.

It is clear that you have a shopping addiction and people saying 'just stop' are beyond ignorant

You need to seek help for your addiction and the underlying cause

Of course she needs to seek help, but part of dealing with her addiction will be "stop." Unless the treatment for shopping addiction is different from the standard treatments for most other addictions.

"It would be a maximum of $1000 a month. And we were supposed to have $1000 a month "play money" set aside which should have taken care of that."

So you were happy to spend what by your calculations was all of your disposable cash each month on your shopping and are then surprised that he wasn't able to save on top of this after bills/necessities were taken care of.

You were wilfully ignorant imho.
You kept asking cause you know you were overspending and were more than happy to have your get out clause that it wasn't your responsibility and you can't be blamed because "oh what am i like eh? I'm just no good with money am I?"

Not RTFT

But If you're THAT bad with money then do a free money management course, stop acting like a baby.

I didn't used to be great with money and I would have rather not dealt with the money but you know what I put my big girl pants on, signed up to a free budgeting and money management I saw online that was at a local church and I manage my money better now.

Your putting yourself in a very vulnerable position here, expecting someone to control all your money for you what happens if you need to do it on your own one day?

If you struggle that much draw out your monthly 'allowance' in cash at the start of the month and then only use cash, you can't have a more visiable reminder of how much money you have left than that.

Not RTFT

Why comment then?

Why not thread police? I'm responding to the op and what she has written

Because she's entitled to an opinion based on the opening comments?

You are one of those posters who thinks they have a unique insight into the PP's problem and that nobody else had suggested exactly the same many times over.

At least don't admit you cba to read the thread ^^

You are one of those posters who thinks they have a unique insight into the PP's problem and that nobody else had suggested exactly the same many times over. grin

Fucking hell who rattled your cage, it's a public forum! I'll make sure I check with you before posting in future

I had the same problem with spending the only difference is I earn as much as DH. I downloaded an app called wallet and started to record my spending and you can categorize it too. It is an eye opener and it reduced my impulse shopping by a lot.

cx5221

By not RTFT you haven;t read her repsonses or any PPs suggestions.

Its the same as barging into a meeting about what colour to paint the walls, going "Yeah! Right, I haven't been in this meeting since the beginning, but I think we should use green paint!" and all the other attendess staring round at you thinking "what a tosser, we're not even using paint any more, we're wall-papering after a crucial discovery about paint...as discussed earlier in the meeting..."

So READ THE FUCKING FULL THREAD

cx5221

By not RTFT you haven;t read her repsonses or any PPs suggestions.

Its the same as barging into a meeting about what colour to paint the walls, going "Yeah! Right, I haven't been in this meeting since the beginning, but I think we should use green paint!" and all the other attendess staring round at you thinking "what a tosser, we're not even using paint any more, we're wall-papering after a crucial discovery about paint...as discussed earlier in the meeting..."

So READ THE FUCKING FULL THREAD

It's AIBU

Surely the entire thread will be a mixture of
'Yes'
'No'
'Maybe'

So I'm sure many people have repeated these responses in their own way for the last 11 pages!

Surely if people weren't repeating stuff it would be solved in 3 fucking posts!

READ THE FUCKING FULL THREAD

CHILL
THE
FUCK
OUT!

While I agree (and you seem to as well) that you need to start taking more responsibility for managing money, I think you're getting an unreasonably hard time here. You don't have access to you accounts to see what;s happening with your money and you have at least had a basic discussion with your DH where you've indicated your willingness to only spend within reasona and, you thought, put in place a mechanism for alerting you when you weren't doing that. Your mechanism was a bit "princessy" (as someone else described it), but your DH agreed to it, then didn't follow through.

I would also be a bit annoyed. But, it seems the major thing wrong here is your lack responsibility for the financial stability of your household.

I would, however, be a bit concerned that these figures aren't adding up - if there is no way you could have spent more than 1K a month, and there should have been that spare as well as the $900 savings you had agreed to put away, what has happened to this money?

I think as part of your taking more responsibility you might want to sit down with the statements from the last year for bank accounts and credit cards and work exactly what has been spent on what. It should help you put things in perspective, improve your understanding of household finance and clear up how much you're really spending.

Yeah the yes, no maybe is fine on a thread with a few... dozen responses this thread had over 250! yet you still came on the thread, declared that you had no clue what was being discussed what had been discussed and still felt your opinion was needed
the issue is that you declared that you hadn't RFTF - rather than you just offering an opinion.

It's the most pointless way to contribute to a conversation.

I havent read this entire thread just the first few pages and i just think you have badly expressed yourself in the OP. What it reads to me that you are upset about is that you had a financial agreement that he didnt keep his end of? I read it that you cant actually see what it is you are spending as its his money in his account, is that right? and youd asked him to keep an eye on the amount and tell you if it were over a certain amount and he didnt do that?
If this is the case then i dont think you are being unreasonable to be upset that he did not do something he had assured you he was going to do.
However i do agree with pp in that this wasnt a great arrangement to begin with and you should personally keep an eye on what you are spending as otherwise you will never learn to regulate yourself properly.
You are supposed to be a team or partnership and seem to have financially fallen into a bit of a parent child dynamic.
I know you may think you are terrible with money and that its stressful to have to keep an eye on it yourself but it will benefit you tremendously if you do. If you only want to be spending a certain amount perhaps you could get him to put a limited amount in your account or a joint account that you can have access to online so you can clearly see what is going in and out. You do need to take some responsibilty yourself for this because its not going to be easy for him to say no to a grown woman who is his partner if you are overspending because it forces him into a parental role which is going to put pressure on your relationship.
Good luck. x

I was responding to the op and the subsequent posts she had written (which I had read) and I got a feeling from her responses of what direction she wanted to head in which is why I suggested a money management course.

I'm sure every single poster has read the full thread

God forbid I might have something to add based on what the actual OP is saying. Or even worse I repeat what other posters have said.

If I was genuinely unsure of something and ten people told me to take one route and 50 told me to take enough I'd probably go with the 50 because more people seem to think that's the best approach.

So yes I might have repeated others.
I wrote I hadn't read the full thread so what I didn't realise I'd committed such an offensive crime by writing that? I wasn't being rude, I wasn't being a dick, I was just stating a fact.

But thank you for opening my eyes to what a arsehole I am for daring to write not RTFT.

you're not an arsehole.

just coming across as a bit arrogant.

next time, just don't declare that you haven't rtft

you're not an arsehole.

just coming across as a bit arrogant.

next time, just don't declare that you haven't rtft

Not sure I've kept up but it sounds like HE isn't great with money. I agree you should be taking responsibility but the initial agreement was he'd take care of it - and he hasn't. Is it wise to have absolutely no oversight of what he's doing? Sounds like you both need better financial management strategies...