to be pissed at my husband for not telling me when to stop shopping?

[Kathmandu12]

So my husband and I had an agreement three years ago that he will set aside £900 per month for savings immediately. And that he'd tell me if I'm going overboard with spending. Since I don't manage money well, he takes care of it.

Anyway admittedly sometimes I go overboard (although I return a lot of what I buy) but I keep asking him and he just says he has money.

So now I just found out all we have is $2500, which will go to card payment and my summer class tuition fee.

His salary is £49000 net. We rent, we don't have a car, we have no kids. He has no vices, although he did have a tooth implant and root canal procedure last year which cost a lot.

I don't work but I have an internship that pays a bit, which I put in a savings account - so essentially that's our only savings.

I am pissed because I wasn't expecting this. So if he gets sacked from his job for any reason we won't have money.

I am pissed because I wasn't expecting this.

I don't understand why you thought getting drunk would help.

What bothers me is that you seem to be blaming your DH for your spending habits.

I'm not good at budgeting

That is a cop out.

Learn.

You learn by budgeting, you learn by experience, by the failures and the successes. You learn by engaging with it, not sticking your head in the sand and then whining about not having money 3 years down the line.

Is everyone missing that the op's husband has kept her completely in the dark regarding their financial position and won't let her see their account balances?

And she was happy with that while she could spend what she wanted.

Her DH said she should save her internship money and they live off his salary (joint money like some married people do !). It's not a case of her choosing to spend his money.

And she could choose to spend her own money. Or use her money to pay her oen tutition and/or card bill. Now she knows she has overspent.

Her DH said she should save her internship money and they live off his salary (joint money like some married people do !). It's not a case of her choosing to spend his money.

Acually it is as she could just choose not to spend it.

When you marry you become a joint venture, whoever's paypacket money goes into. Your work at the moment is presumably to get the qualifications to be able to make a financial contribution in the future.

However you are responsible for taking control of your own spending. You have had some good practical advice here - cut up or lock away your cards, cancel your online payment accounts etc.

Join the groups here or elsewhere for kindred spirits who support each other. If depression triggers the spending then focus on help to manage the depression.

Your DH bluntly is not helping by letting you abdicate all responsibility for spending - quite the opposite.

I suggest you start with the actions to get the spending under control. As an interim tell DH you need at least to practice tracking spending and if he downloads the transactions into a spreadsheet each week/month (easy here with online banking not sure how it works in Oz) then you will get to grips with the household budget. Ultimately you need to share responsibility even if one of you does most of the 'managing'.

If he still won't share responsibility and continues to enable your spending behaviour by discouraging your attempts to get it under control you have another issue to deal with entirely.

Quite frankly you sound very immature and not responsible enough to manage a budget - or else you are happy just abdicating all responsibility to him so you can blame him for any problems. You said 'shopping is my happiness' and that sets off alarm bells that there is clearly more going on here, like why are you returning most stuff later? Sounds like you might be a compulsive shopper in which case he's better managing the budget otherwise the pair of you would be bankrupt

Ok just finished talking to my husband.

We agreed to stick to a budget. We also agreed on the budget.

The reason I found out that we have no savings was because we suddenly need money for a new rental place - the owner needs this current one.

So anyway for this needed money, we will use the money I have saved up. We will also get my tuition fee in the coming semester from there.

But we have agreed to set aside an amount automatically per month that we will not touch unless really necessary.

I will also not use our credit card anymore.Told him to just put money on a debit account and cash (for farmers market purchase) and that's what I will use for groceries and "play money" - apologies to the person who was pissed earlier! (Oh and there was another one who commented on pissed meaning drunk -- it can also mean "annoyed").

I am pissed because I wasn't expecting this.

I don't understand why you thought getting drunk would help.

I think by the use of $ within her posts the OP is American and is used "pissed" in the American way meaning "angry" rather than drunk.

OP - when you spend some money each month just write what you have spent in a notebook.

If the agreement is you can spend $1000 then you will know what you have spent.

It's not rocket science.

Op does your DP think he essentially has to finance you to keep you? That the main attraction is the unlimited credit card? I can't think of any other reason he would let you decimate what should be savings, a deposit, a nest egg. Does he think that his real value is his credit card?

You both seriously need to have take a look at your attitudes. Unlimited spending for his little pprincess if he owned the house and had good savings but would be one thing but he'd not looking after himself very well.

As for you, you too need to get a grip.

Work out what money you reasonably need - food for uni etc, toiletries if these aren't picked up on the main shop. A very small shopping budget, a small coffee budget. Draw it out in cash and put it in envelopes so you know what's for what. Spend only cash and hand over the credit cars to your partner.

Unless you get a sexual kick out of him being the daddy, stop and try having an equal, grown up relationship.

Keep saving your wages and spend it only on b'day etc presents. Perhaps you can then offer this up as half a deposit on a house

Also, another poster was concerned we do not have any properties - I am too. But we are migrants, so we've only been here for almost three years. I realize some migrants might have already bought their houses within that time, but well, obviously not us because no savings.

Plus, it does not make sense now to buy a property as our line of work might mean we may move out to go somewhere else.

The OP and her DH have both caused this situation.

Yes she should be taking more personal responsibility for whats shes spending but to be fair, shes not being told how much that is or how much is left. If I was told there was plenty of money left to spend then I wouldnt worry too much about spending it - you cant make a budget until you know what those numbers actually are.

We're also assuming that shes right in that her DH hardly spends anything, but without the actual figures how can anyone know? It might turn out that the OP is indeed returning most of it and the money is actually going on her DH buying a $15 lunch at work every day. Constant little spends can add up to big numbers.

How can someone so dense be at university and have an internship

Apologies to anyone if this has already been said but...

What's the point in spending so much if you then get rid of the majority?

You've said you don't buy designer but clothes and a leather jacket costing up to £1000

I can't take this seriously

I consider myself an intelligent person too but I really have a difficulty when it comes to shopping.

So don't go into clothes shop. Don't browse online.

Just don't do it.

If you don't go in, you won't be tempted to buy.

I also recommend spring cleaning your house from top to bottom. You will likely find a myriad of things you didn't realise you had.

Then ebay anything you can. The whole process will be so interminably boring, it might help retrain your brain a la Pavlov's dogs.

ayeamorak cos intelligence and common sense are not the same thing.

How can someone so dense be at university and have an internship confused

Because they're not mutually exclusive.

Your latest update makes it clearer to me. Are you living in a place where you need to pay, up front, at least six months rent in advance? Plus tuition fees. And your husband has asked you to pay it from your own savings rather than his. So you now have to face up to the reality of your uncontrolled spending?

intelligence and common sense are not the same thing.

But having either would mean having the ability to add up what you have spent on a credit card in a month.

"Oh, I spent 500 quid on a leather jacket and then the same again on other clothes in one month. Maybe I shouldn't, since I'm not earning any money as I'm not working".

That doesn't take a huge amount of common sense or intelligence. Instead it smacks of a pathetic princessy attitude and a refusal to take responsibility for oneself.

You're not special because you like shopping. Most people would, if money was no object. But they wouldn't expect to do it when the person whose money they are spending earns less than £50k, which isn't a huge wage when there is rent and bills to be paid, and they themselves only have a small internship income.

No but. A lack of common sense will account for I buy some stuff I sell some stuff and he'd tell me if it was too much

Op, migrant or not is irrelevant, presumable you and DH need somewhere to live? you are missing my point, why does it not worry you that you are burning through substantial amounts of money and waitting to be told what to do by your husband re finances.

You may not wish to buy a home, but surely you wish to have security? Most could not concieve of blowing around 100k in 3 years and having nothing to show for it.

Not being able to buy a home right now isn't an excuse to spend all your money.

OP please ask to have this thread removed as it's not good for your health. Or just delete it. It is clear that you have a shopping addiction and people saying 'just stop' are beyond ignorant.

You need to seek help for your addiction and the underlying cause.

Are posters aware that by attacking the OP you drive her further into this addictive behaviour? Some of you just want to be nasty to make yourselves feel better.

Op please hide this thread and get some help.

The OP is still using the phrase "play money"
Unless this is Australian for "bus fare", it implies she still hasn't understood how cavalier her attitude to money is.
No one needs play money.
Rent, travel, food.

You're an adult.
Play time is over

I don't think op has an addiction at all. I think she spends money like she does because she can, because she wants to?