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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To christen my son without being a regular church goer?

84 replies

judybloomno5 · 18/01/2017 13:53

Id like to have my youngest DS christened in our local church for me its a rite of passage having been christened and confirmed and married in church. We christened our eldest where we previously lived and felt a lot of pressure to attend regular services- we do attend when we can and during festivals such as christmas and easter but normally a church near my parents.

AIBU to want to christen him? Should I be honest and upfront with the vicar that we find it hard to attend on a regular basis? (shift workers and lots of other commitments as well as two very young children)

Please don't flame me!

OP posts:
WaitrosePigeon · 18/01/2017 13:55

If you don't attend and aren't religious obviously you shouldn't do it.

Writing this post is obvious to me that you shouldn't do it.

sirfredfredgeorge · 18/01/2017 13:56

If the vicar will agree to it - you can do it, seems reasonable, they're hte judge, just be up front that you won't be attending.

EatSpamAmandaLamb · 18/01/2017 13:58

Do you believe in God?

blueistheonlycolourwefeel · 18/01/2017 13:58

If you're not religious, why is it so important to you?
I was neither christened, confirmed or married in church. My parents are very religious.

Doje · 18/01/2017 13:59

If you're Christian, go ahead and do it. You don't have to attend church to believe in any God. If you don't believe in (the Christian) God, don't do it.

Yes, be honest with the vicar.

Areyoufree · 18/01/2017 13:59

I christened my daughter, and I don't regularly go to church. It was about the ceremony for me - officially inviting the godparents into our family. I think it's a personal choice, and if you want to do it, you should do it!

SparkleShinyGlitter · 18/01/2017 14:00

People do it but for me if you don't believe in god and all the rest of it why do it to the child?

My dd born last year hasn't been christened as I do not believe. I'd feel a hypocrite christening my child tbh

Floggingmolly · 18/01/2017 14:00

The vicar is very unlikely to agree. He'll assume you're doing it with an eye to a school place... Why else would you be so keen to make your child part of a church you've no intention of ever setting foot in?
All churchgoers will have "other commitments", believe me Hmm

PurpleMinionMummy · 18/01/2017 14:02

What doje said.

We had ours blessed rather than christened though.

mikeyssister · 18/01/2017 14:03

Defintiely think you should approach the vicar and see what s/he says.

If you believe in God you are definitely NOT being unreasonable.

DonaldStott · 18/01/2017 14:04

Rite of passage? I could understand that if the child was old enough to understand what the hell was going on, but it just seems daft if you're not particularly religious. Meaningless even. Unless of course, as a pp said, you want to get into a catholic school, then you would have to attend the church on a regular basis. At least until after the faux christening.

Pinkheart5915 · 18/01/2017 14:06

I find it strange tbh, your either religious or your not! And everyone has commitments so that isn't really an excuse for not going to church. You don't have to christen a child just because your parents done it to you

I was christened as my Mum does believe my dad however doesn't and I've grown up not believeing in god or any or the rest of it. My dc are not christened.

If you want a party, you don't need a christening for that
You don't need a christening to welcome god parents in to the family, as if they are going to be in your dc life they will be regardless of a christening

Original poster
judybloomno5 · 18/01/2017 14:06

Can i just clarify that I AM religious and I do believe in GOD, we attend roughly 10 times a year but because we work shifts we aren't there at the crack of dawn every Sunday.

Not for school places no, my children are educated privately and I already have a place for DS sorted.

OP posts:
Thistles24 · 18/01/2017 14:08

If you intend to keep the vows you take on the christening day then YANBU, however, if you are just doing it because it's the done thing then YABU.

Sparrowlegs248 · 18/01/2017 14:08

I'm not sure why you would if you so rarely attend. There are services,at times other than Sunday morning.

jerryfudd · 18/01/2017 14:08

The only people I know who have had their kids christened have done so despite rarely setting foot in church again. Personally, I think it's odd to christen if you aren't actually religious but it's not unusual apparently

Aspiringcatlady · 18/01/2017 14:09

I got my DS christened in the church where my parents got married, even though I was not attending the church on a regular basis. Vicars tend not to judge or assume you are doing it for any bad reason, like a school place. Rather that you want your child to be christened because their sibling is and you are.

MummyToThree479 · 18/01/2017 14:10

I thinks it's odd, your too busy with better commitments than to attend church regularly ( we've all got busy lives ) so that is a pretty rubbish excuse. Oh I'm sorry vicar we can't come to church our lives are soooo busy just like the lives of all your regulars but christen our child anyway!

I am not religious and I do attend christening but only if they are people that are religious folk, as it clearly means something to them as it's what they believe.

MsJamieFraser · 18/01/2017 14:11

If you believe in god and want your children to be christened that I don't see why not.

For me you don't have to be a regularly church goer to prove that your faithful.

Original poster
judybloomno5 · 18/01/2017 14:11

Is both of us working shifts really a rubbish excuse?

OP posts:
steppemum · 18/01/2017 14:11

I think the vicar will ask about your faith. If you are happy to confirm that you do have a faith and that you can honestly say the promises in the service, then he/she should be fine to christen the baby.
The service asks you to promise you will bring the baby up knowing God and teaching him about God/Fith etc.

If you don't feel able to make that commitment, most churches will offer some sort of blessing or dedication service. That service is about thanking God for the baby and asking Him to bless the baby's life. There are no promises to be made. You can still invite loads of people etc.

Bumpsadaisie · 18/01/2017 14:12

It's not a club, with a list of boxes to tick. Who are people on this thread, the vicar or indeed anyone else to say whether you are "keen" enough to "qualify", or to make judgments about the quality and quantity of your faith.

"Do you believe in God?" What a question. A hell of a lot of people at church every week would struggle to answer this question. Me included - does that mean I am a hypocrite and shouldn't attend even though its important to me? How many times a year must one attend church to "count" as a "true" Christian? What a simplistic way to approach questions of faith and belief.

You clearly feel that it is important to you and your family. So do it. That will be enough for the majority of vicars.

Bumps x

thethoughtfox · 18/01/2017 14:12

YABU You are making a commitment to a god that you believe in to bring up your child in that faith and in the ways of that church which involves a weekly service and you have no intention of keeping that commitment.

Original poster
judybloomno5 · 18/01/2017 14:13

Very true Bumps! If I miss a service does that render me 'not' a Christian!

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 18/01/2017 14:14

Although, if your ceremony doesn't involve making commitments that you will break, YANBU so go head and best of luck to you x