To christen my son without being a regular church goer?

[judybloomno5]

Id like to have my youngest DS christened in our local church for me its a rite of passage having been christened and confirmed and married in church. We christened our eldest where we previously lived and felt a lot of pressure to attend regular services- we do attend when we can and during festivals such as christmas and easter but normally a church near my parents.

AIBU to want to christen him? Should I be honest and upfront with the vicar that we find it hard to attend on a regular basis? (shift workers and lots of other commitments as well as two very young children)

Please don't flame me!

Judybloomno5 , you would be very welcome at our church. What's in your heart is much more important than how many times a year your bum is on a seat in church. And we would love to see you even if it is "only" 10 or so times a year.

I think they would still be happy to christen your child, Sitting in church every Sunday does not make you more of a Christian in my opinion. It's more about following the bible.

I agree, priority should be on this 'faith' so no matter what & with no excuses an hour a week in church if you want a Christening is the least you can do.
It's not a venue to be used and abused when you wish.
I honestly feel there's few excuses not to get to a service when there's multiple services AM & PM. You should be able to find somewhere to go if it's as important as you say.

Don't let people put you off, if you go to church about 10 times a year and believe in God, and you're not doing it for the sake of a showy party afterwards, you are already streets ahead in terms of your sincerity and commitment.

My Ds is not baptized. DH suggested it. I said "Great idea, let me know when you've got it all sorted out". That was the last we heard of it. In fact we now go to church with DS more often than DB takes his two, both baptized. I'm surprised how much I enjoy it and feel welcomed by the church community. The shifts aren't the issue for us (one of us is going to be off work with DS at the weekend anyway) but DS has taken up a sport that will clash now.

Way to put off people going to church.

I remember christening my daughter (our son was dedicated as a different type of church), 7 years ago, no mention of having to turn up every week to church. We did when we were free and were welcomed each time, which is why I went back. If the measure of a person's faith is whether they overcame obstacles to attend church 60-70% of the year, then may whatever god you believe in help you.

Shocking responses.

I've been to so many christenings where it's just seen as an event to get presents and have a party. I don't believe the church is there for your convenience.
You can thank God through prayer. I honestly feel that it's none negotiable you should go to church more than special occasions. It's an hour a week, if not less. If people cannot see the benefits of going to church if you have faith words fail me.
You'll find a vicar in C of E churches can decided what they wish. If they feel the situation is being taken advantage of they can say no. I think they have every right.
Ok you don't have to go every single week, but some form of commitment is better than nothing. If you value kids activities over church, it shows what your faith means.
It's not something you pick up and discard when it suits. Being a Christian involves more than values. It involves teaching them about the gospels, what God did, what Jesus did and so on.
I'm not heavy on my children, but if they have a question about life I try and give an example of what Jesus did or taught. As a reminder he's a part of their life.
If you're questioning it, I think you know the answer. Either make an effort to attend as you get so much from attending. Or wait to baptise DC when their older and you can possibly commit more.
That's why they now do the baby ceremonies, I think naming ceremonies, so life can be celebrated, without friends and relatives thinking ah another Clintons day.

It's not shocking it's common sense that you should aim to go to church more than several times a year. Not saying weekly, but after Easter you've got Pentecost another important time for example. I don't think many realise dwindling numbers is the reason you see churches being sold off, as there isn't the numbers to justify upkeep.

I'm not a Christian but do have a fair bit to do with local churches one way or another (I work for one charity and volunteer for another couple) and the churches I know would welcome you with open arms. Attending 10 times a year when you're not working sounds like a lot more than the vast majority of people and the vicar will know who you are I'm sure.
There's been some funny responses to this thread but I suppose some churches are a lot less inclusive than others.

I've seen it happen, where a couple came at end of service and said please baptise DD, the vicar said attend church for 3 months & get back to me.

Do you both work the same shifts? One of you could go on your own with the children.

Yes, you can be a christian in your heart and never set foot in a church, but most Christians want to share their faith with others and learn from others and pray together as a group. That's what regular church attendance is about, meeting as a group to worship. To me its a vital part of my faith and one that comes before other commitments on a Sunday.

They looked dumbstruck & started talking donations. I recall something like a cheque for £'X' isn't comparable to attending. To me that sort of refusal.

My DH's parents were both elders in the church and he was baptised. As he got older he realised that he no longer believed in God. I myself have never had a personal faith, although at certain times in my life I wish that I did. So we agreed that our children would not be baptised/christened as we would feel hypocritical. Obviously my in-laws were disappointed but were respectful of our decision, as they were when we chose not to get married in the "family church".
I do not however think that there is a scale for how often you attend church = how Christian you are.
Our youngest DS decided for himself as a teenager to attend church and chose to be baptised at the age of 15. We attended and it was a very special occasion

I find it confusing that God apparently welcomes all....but only if you attend church x times a year.

Lots pf people believe in God but never set foot in church. Some believers think those churches/individuals that exclude people because they don't attend often enough can't be as Christian as they claim either

You'll find a vicar in C of E churches can decided what they wish. If they feel the situation is being taken advantage of they can say no. I think they have every right.

My understanding is that this isn't true, although lots of people think it is and there are ways that the vicar can make it a bit awkward. My understanding is that you have a right to have your child baptised (and, indeed, to get married - people often think that you have to meet some sort of test to get married in a church) in your own parish. If you want to do it in another parish then that is at the discretion of the vicar. The Church of England's own website on christening says:

"Can anyone have a christening service?
Yes, so long as they have not been baptized already. The Church of England welcomes all babies, children and families for christenings – whatever shape that family takes. You do not have to be married or have been a regular churchgoer – as a parent, you do not even have to have been baptized yourself – though you could be. Everyone is welcome at their local church. Just ask your local vicar if this is something you are considering for your child."

churchofenglandchristenings.org/frequently-asked-questions/

Katy07
'Believing in God' doesn't make someone a Christian.

As for 'religious', that's a dirty word in most Christian communities these days, even C of E ones.

Since you believe in God and Christianity I don't see why not.

I don't recall church attendance being a necessary ingredient to being Christian or wanting to bring up their child Christian

Go and talk to your local vicar. Most of the babies I've baptised are from families who attend infrequently. That is fine. Some families we never see again but the majority come when they can even if it is only a couple of times a year.

Don't do it. Not for the original reasons OP, but let your kids choose.

It is shit beyond words, to be forced into a religion and then spend years untangling yourself from complete bollocks that you do not believe in

It's not that there's a set attendance record, but on another level there's saying 'I believe in God,' and that it. Does that make you a Christian? If all you solely do is state believe, no praying, worship, reflection? I think that's why it's hard because there's believing there's a God, then there's acting on it.
Not just praying when there's something you want or something you want to go your way.
What do you guys think is a benchmark for a person to be labelled a Christian. Just saying yes I believe, or something more steadfast?
I think a lot of people don't recognise that church is but an hour a week. Some people will go to church and think they've done their duty. Is that enough?
Or should you spare 5/10 minutes each day reflecting and praying etc. Or possibly more taking time to worship more than once, attend groups like bible study/prayers etc, spend a devoted part of the day to your faith.
There's so many variables, this is why I think it's confusing. Some would say the person who simply says I believe there's a God but gives it no more thought at all, is a Christian. On the other hand if that's the benchmark to get to St Peter, why bother exerting time and energy doing anything more.
It seems that a lot of Christenings as I've said are merely excuses for presents and a party. There's a website that has Anglican churches up for sale because of this new found reasoning you don't need to bother with church.
If the OP is querying herself AIBU would you say that God is saying to her, it'd be nice if you made the effort to do more with your faith? He acts in different ways, maybe this is him saying, you have this faith, you've got your excuses, but you could do more.
I'm just throwing it out there to the OP, I don't know what your relationship with your faith is like, so I don't know what God could be asking you to do.
I do know that God speaks to us in many ways. This query has come from somewhere in your heart. Yes you don't need to go to church every Sunday, but in your spiritual life is there more you could do than now?
Maybe getting DC to say a prayer before bed. Maybe reflecting on situations globally and how blessed you are. So you give him thanks. If you forget one night/day, it's not the end of the world. But faith is a gift, it's something that isn't just for Sunday's.
There's children's bibles, you could have a night a week when you read a story from that. Do something on a Sunday to show reverence. 15 minutes reading the bible or a blog of sorts. You can sign up to daily emails with thought for the day with a Christian twist.
Just literally throwing this out there.

I'm an atheist so wouldn't get my child baptised for "tradition" but you've said you believe in god so I don't see why it would be a problem. I don't see why you should need to go to church x numbers of times a year to somehow prove your faith...but maybe as an atheist I just don't get it!

YABU You are making a commitment to a god that you believe in to bring up your child in that faith and in the ways of that church which involves a weekly service and you have no intention of keeping that commitment.

^^
Yes this.

Of course u should have him christened. If there is a God, wouldn't he want him christened? You mightn't go to church that regularly but u do go.

I actually do think "do you believe in God" was a pertinent question here but yes not a all encompassing faith based question, no but certainly a point clarified in the first post. It was certainly not a critical question as another poster seemed to read into it, merely a reasonable jumping off point in discussion involving introducing a young life into a religious/Christ centred world.

I have worked part time in a lay position and have known many different vicars take a variety of approachs to non regular parishioners asking for services such as baptisms and weddings. More often than not they have been happy to welcome a child into the Christian family, especially in the hope it would bring the family as a whole into regular attendance.
Have you spoken to your vicar? Is there a particular reason you want baptise at your local church rather than the one you attend more frequently?