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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To christen my son without being a regular church goer?

84 replies

judybloomno5 · 18/01/2017 13:53

Id like to have my youngest DS christened in our local church for me its a rite of passage having been christened and confirmed and married in church. We christened our eldest where we previously lived and felt a lot of pressure to attend regular services- we do attend when we can and during festivals such as christmas and easter but normally a church near my parents.

AIBU to want to christen him? Should I be honest and upfront with the vicar that we find it hard to attend on a regular basis? (shift workers and lots of other commitments as well as two very young children)

Please don't flame me!

OP posts:

OhhBetty · 18/01/2017 14:14

Can't you wait til your child is older and let them decide which, if any, religion they believe in?

thethoughtfox · 18/01/2017 14:14

I only really know about the Catholic ceremony so just realised that I can't comment on others

FrankAndBeans · 18/01/2017 14:15

I had my second stillborn DD christened. I'd like to have the same done for my other two DD's but was afraid I'd be judged by people like the ones on this thread. Just do it, you don't have to justify it to anyone.

Katy07 · 18/01/2017 14:15

I think it's perfectly reasonable to explain to the vicar. You believe in God - that's the main criteria surely! I have a strong faith but I don't go to church for assorted reasons. But I talk to God every day and that's what's important.

Katy07 · 18/01/2017 14:15

Frankandbeans

Doublegloucester · 18/01/2017 14:16

Just be honest with the vicar.

In my time of being a regular church-goer, 9 out of 10 families that got their child christened at the church, would then never be seen again (not meant to sound critical, that particular church makes it hard for families with babies and toddlers). Not uncommon.

whoneedswings · 18/01/2017 14:17

I'm a regularly practicing Christian you don't need to be sat in a Church on a Sunday morning to follow Jesus! But if you do Baptise your child you are promising to raise them in the name of the Lord. If you can't get to Church you can read kids Bible stories at home and talk them about your faith etc. And your vicar will welcome you and your child with open arms! Jesus said, let all the children come to me!

whippetwoman · 18/01/2017 14:18

Gosh, how can people say it's not on to do this?
Of course you can. You believe in God and consider yourself religious - that's enough. Just do it - no need to ask on here - people will just be mean.

Doublegloucester · 18/01/2017 14:18

Frankandbeans

samG76 · 18/01/2017 14:19

Very moving, Frankandbeans. I'm not Christian, but share the sentiment entirely. Who's the vicar to decide whether you are religious or not. And I don''t believe that people are or aren't religious. It's not binary.....

CaraAspen · 18/01/2017 14:23

Yabu.
The clue is in the word "CHRISTening". If you are not a Christian, or at least a regular churchgoer, you should not be thinking of such a thing. It means something and you cannot "buy" it.

Original poster

judybloomno5 · 18/01/2017 14:25

Frankandbeans- I am so sorry to hear that you went through that. My faith has brought me much comfort in times of loss (I lost a parent last year very suddenly). Part of the reason I want to christen him is because I want to thank god for bringing my son to me after such dark times.

OP posts:

FrankAndBeans · 18/01/2017 14:26

I should expand that I'm not a church goer either and I don't know what is out there and I wanted to have DD2 blessed and protected by the religion I was brought up in. It has brought me a lot of comfort in my dark moments to think of her being watched over if that is who is out there. I don't make any apologies for that really.

Also, you can christen a child anywhere, over the kitchen sink if necessary. The vicar told me as long as you believe it is happening, it is IYSWIM. If it's about the oath and belief but not the party that could be a good compromise.

Katy07 · 18/01/2017 14:27

If you are not a Christian, or at least a regular churchgoer, you should not be thinking of such a thing.
The OP has clearly said she believes in God - that makes her a Christian.....

Minstrelsareyum · 18/01/2017 14:27

Of course you can and if you were coming to my church for your child to be Baptised, you would be warmly welcomed. We have many different families who are not regulars who choose Baptism (the welcoming of a child or adult into God's family and the life of a church - different to bring 'Christened' which is giving a name) for many different reasons. Alot are not regular church goers too. And doing so doesn't mean that you have to 'become religious' over night either or are expected to attend regularly afterwards.

It's nice that you want to do this so I would ask. Hope you have a great day!

Treaclex · 18/01/2017 14:27

Part of the ceremony is committing yourself, partner and the god parents to raise the child in the eyes of the church and to attend services. Not just special services. I attend regularly and you see parents attend for a given amount of time before their child is christened again around communion age and so forth. Personally if your not a regular attendee why get your child christened why not allow them to decide when they are older ?

FrankAndBeans · 18/01/2017 14:28

I would do it, OP. I would regret not having it done if the worst happened to my other two. It is your own personal relationship with God.

LC01 · 18/01/2017 14:34

Of course you should christen your son. Going to church is a way of feeling closer to God, not the only way to be a Christian. I think the vicar and God would prefer you had your so. Christened and went to church occasionally than not at all.

WinterWonders · 18/01/2017 14:35

I say 'go for it!'.

Any vicar would welcome you with open arms. I am a Christian and I know my church would be happy to baptise your child/ren x

AnneOfCleavage · 18/01/2017 14:35

Mmm all those saying that the Vicar won't mind if you're not a regular Church goer haven't met the Vicar at our local Church. I asked him about getting our DD Christened and he said "Come to Church a bit more often and we'll see". Heard from another friend that he deemed her not holy enough to get her children Christened. Glad I avoided that Church with a barge pole.

Sounds to me that it means a lot to you and being a Christian you would like your child Christened so go for it.

FrankandBeans

CaraAspen · 18/01/2017 14:36

Some ministers do mind.

WinterWonders · 18/01/2017 14:39

I forgot to add, we had a Dedication service for both of our DC. This is basically where they are dedicated to God, thanking them for their lives, but leaving them to make their own choices re: religion for when they are older x

Elphame · 18/01/2017 14:40

Skip the church bit and just have a party to welcome the new child. Let them be baptised when they are old enough to understand and choose for themselves.

WinterWonders · 18/01/2017 14:42

AnneOfCleavage - that's a real shame that particular Vicar was like that. The trouble is, it puts people off church if the Vicars are like that x

Fireinthegrate · 18/01/2017 14:42

We had naming days for our children as we felt it would be hypocritical to have them christened, even though we are both christians, we don't attend church regularly.
Our eldest had her naming day in our garden, we invited family and friends, said a few words about how important she is to us, how important friends and family are and that we hoped everyone would take a role in raising our daughter.
Second daughter's naming day was in the function room of a local pub as it was wintertime. They put on a buffet and we again spoke about pur new daughter and our frineds and family.
Both occsions were really lovely and now our daughters can choose whether to be christened or not when they are older.

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