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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DD to have her birthday presents in time for her birthday?

71 replies

tinkerz · 18/01/2017 10:48

DD is 5 on Friday. We're not having a party this year and we've our own things planned for her. Normally we have all the family round at some point throughout her actual birthday but won't have time this year.

I've started having people text me asking when on Friday evening they can come in with her present. We're free until midday then won't be back until late but most people are working so morning doesn't suit them. When I've said we're busy they are then saying they'll drop her gift off on sat/sun/next week which makes me feel a little Sad that she won't get them until after her birthday like an afterthought.

This could be partly my fault as I haven't told everyone we'll be busy on her birthday unlike it normally being an open house however other people have known and are still saying they'll be round a day or so after. And to be honest the next day doesn't really suit as we have plans!

Some of these people were adamant their kids got their gifts before the day so they had them to open in the morning when they were growing up whether it be Christmas or their birthday so it's like they have short memories!

AIBU?

OP posts:
longdiling · 18/01/2017 10:51

So you are too busy to invite them round on her birthday but you can't understand other people might be too busy to get there before midday?! I would be delighted that all my family are thinking of my child, have bought something for her and plan to get the presents to her as close to her birthday as possible.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 18/01/2017 10:53

YABU

If you're that bothered, offer to go and collect the presents.

A staggered birthday is much more fun.... too many pressies at once can be a bit overwhelming at that age.

lilydaisyrose · 18/01/2017 10:55

Yes YABU. Please just be grateful your child is loved and people want to give her gifts. It sounds like there are lots of them!

Also it's not their fault you are busy on the day! They are still trying to fit round your plans.

SharingMichelle · 18/01/2017 10:56

Maybe try to focus on the fact that your lucky little girl has lots of friends and family members wanting to give her a birthday present? That's a nice thing.

KayTee87 · 18/01/2017 10:57

Come on, of course yabu!

wigglesrock · 18/01/2017 10:58

Nothing wrong with arranging birthday treats/days out to suit you and your daughter, absolutely nothing wrong with not having a party. Complaining and feeling put out because other people can't make the window of present giving you feel acceptable is ridiculous. You're making something very simple into something quite overwrought.

Original poster
tinkerz · 18/01/2017 10:59

I do understand people can't come before midday Hmm

In my large family growing up it was always made a point of that gifts should be there for the morning of the birthday/christmas so it's kind of what I'm used to but it's not happening for my kids. This is why I'm asking if I'm BU and if this is normal to have them after the event.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 18/01/2017 10:59

Yabu and expecting people to work round your time frame just let the presents come when they come

MrsJayy · 18/01/2017 11:01

Can you say you are free thursday so they can drop them off.

longdiling · 18/01/2017 11:02

It's perfectly normal. Especially when you have made plans to celebrate without the rest of the family. If you want her to have presents on the day then you make yourself available to receive them on the day.

AQuietMind · 18/01/2017 11:03

Yabu, surely you know this? Confused

isupposeitsverynice · 18/01/2017 11:03

Well I think it's a bit crap that your family set a precedent that presents should be given in time for birthdays that they're now no longer adhering to for your kids, but there isn't a lot you can do and it is nice for children to get their presents over a few days, gives them time to appreciate things a bit better. So you aren't wholly unreasonable in my opinion but nothing to be gained from it so I'd try and let it go.

longdiling · 18/01/2017 11:06

But do you family also have a precedent where everyone is invited over on the birthday child's birthday? If they do then naturally everyone ends up with a present on their actual birthday.

terrythetrex · 18/01/2017 11:08

you're being ridiculous. You're not there for most of the day, and I suspect a lot of people are probably at work on a Friday morning. You should be pleased they have bought her anything and dropping it round at the weekend.

It's so self absorbed to think people should stop everything to drop of your dds presents.

luckylucky24 · 18/01/2017 11:10

YABU. Either offer to collect them the night before or accept a few will be late. I thought you were going to say that you couldn't get her presents from YOU to her on time. That would be a reasonable question.
My kids rarely see my parents on their birthday or xmas day. They get them a day or two later when they see them.

TempusEedjit · 18/01/2017 11:20

YABU. Its normal that presents from you are on time, any other presents are bonuses not expectations - you don't want your DD growing up to be an entitled madam do you?

autumnmonths · 18/01/2017 11:25

Are you serious? YABVU. People have lives which don't revolve around your DD. They're kind enough to get her a present, be grateful!

Oldraver · 18/01/2017 11:31

You're overthinking....she will have the presents off of you..the others won't hurt to wait

Bushymuffmum · 18/01/2017 11:35

If your question is Aibu to,want presents there before /on the actual birthday then no
If you're asking Aibu to expect them even after you have told people u won't be there on Friday then yes Yabvu! Can't you suggest tomorrow evening or if ur that bothered collect yourself?

Wonderflonium · 18/01/2017 11:39

I'm confused. Are you expecting them to take the day off work on Friday to bring them round or come over on Thursday evening with them?

SpringerS · 18/01/2017 11:41

I also think it's much, much nicer for everyone involved when the giver and the child are together when the child opens their gift. Dropping them in earlier in the week so your daughter has them to open in the morning means that the giver doesn't get to experience the joy of seeing the gift opened. And your daughter has a bit of a detachment about who the gift was from as getting a whole load of them in the morning means they kind of run into each other. Only getting her gifts from you in the morning means that they will be special. It also makes her less likely to have any reluctance to leave the house at midday because she has had one or two gift and time to play with them. If she had a whole bunch of things to open, she'd spend most of her time opening them, would barely get to play with any of them and would then have to leave them to go for her birthday outing.

TheNaze73 · 18/01/2017 11:43

You must see YABVU op???

Bragadocia · 18/01/2017 11:44

With a few days notice, it's not reasonable to expect people, working or otherwise, to be able to drop gifts in at your house on time.

However, when you are a small child, it is really lovely when there is a stack of cards to be opened on the morning of your birthday (or gifts, if that's your family's custom, but for me as a child it was cards). It doesn't feel quite the same when things arrive later.

DS turned 7 last month, and there was one card - from us. Piss poor from our families. More did trickle in over the next few days, but the excitement of 'today is my birthday!' has gone by then.

anonymousbird · 18/01/2017 11:45

YABVU!
See it as an extension of your daughter's birthday, lucky girl gets to open presents over the course of a few days!!! And of course the giver wants to be there when she opens the gift from them if at all possible.

I am always quite pleased when present giving, whether birthday or christmas is staggered in time as it doesn't mean overload and it means the present opener gets to look at and appreciate things a gift at a time rather than in a large pile, shouting "NEXT....."

HermioneJeanGranger · 18/01/2017 11:47

YABVU.

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