To want DD to have her birthday presents in time for her birthday?

[tinkerz]

DD is 5 on Friday. We're not having a party this year and we've our own things planned for her. Normally we have all the family round at some point throughout her actual birthday but won't have time this year.

I've started having people text me asking when on Friday evening they can come in with her present. We're free until midday then won't be back until late but most people are working so morning doesn't suit them. When I've said we're busy they are then saying they'll drop her gift off on sat/sun/next week which makes me feel a little that she won't get them until after her birthday like an afterthought.

This could be partly my fault as I haven't told everyone we'll be busy on her birthday unlike it normally being an open house however other people have known and are still saying they'll be round a day or so after. And to be honest the next day doesn't really suit as we have plans!

Some of these people were adamant their kids got their gifts before the day so they had them to open in the morning when they were growing up whether it be Christmas or their birthday so it's like they have short memories!

AIBU?

[TinselTwins]

YABnuts!

Don't you do birthday weekends/weeks like the rest of us?

[CloserToFine]

Exactly what SpringerS said. YABVU and if your DD is in the least bit disappointed it will be because you've taught her that she should be.

[Surreyblah]

YABU.

[PuntCuffin]

Don't be so silly, you make yourself sound like the 5 year old here. Be grateful that your family buy her presents. By contrast, my family never even acknowledge my sons' birthdays even though my nieces always get remembered by all, including myself.

[CommunionHelp]

YABU, OP.

What exactly is about this?

Bloody hell.

[Olympiathequeen]

Getting presents after the actual day is no big deal to a 5 year old. Spreads out the fun.

[SoupDragon]

if it was so important to you, surely you would have arranged to be in to receive gifts and visitors. Rather than being "too busy" and complaining that others aren't fitting in around you.

[anonymousbird]

Is this a reverse? Has to be.

[Mulberry72]

YABU, definitely.

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

anonymousbird that's what I was wondering. Surely it's so obvious that this is unreasonable??

OP, just think about what you are saying. It's coming across as very entitled and rude. Presents are not a mandatory thing, it's something nice that people are doing for your DD. Just be grateful that they are getting her something and that they care enough to take time out of their own busy weekends to drop the presents off. And she's not an "afterthought" is she? They were prepared to come on her birthday morning, it was you that said no because you're going out. They're going to all that trouble, but you're not happy because they can't come within the timeslot you've dictated? Sorry but that's really bratty.

[MumOfSeveralNaughties]

Flippin heck OP, Yes YABVU.

What do you want them to do, use a days holiday from work?

Realize the world doesn't revolve around you, or your kid! Accusing a loving family of treating your daughter as an 'after thought' is shocking

My SIL behaved exactly like this. Eventually after a few years of it, I stopped buying presents and just gave money, in an envelope, in the post. There is no joy in present giving for us any more, and no real joy in a child opening a card with a tenner in, but we felt we couldn't win

[DEMum101]

I had no idea that people placed such store on receiving presents on the actual day of their birthday until a couple of months ago when a friend made it clear that she was a bit disappointed it was taking me so long to drop off her child's present. Our family just get presents and celebrate their birthdays on whatever date is most convenient for everyone, generally in the week of the actual date but not always.

If you have been brought up in a family which sticks to the actual date, that is fine, but yes, as others have already said, YABU to both insist on this and at the same time set restrictions on what time/day people can drop off presents, particularly when the birthday is not a weekend day.

Also you would be better to teach your child to be flexible about things like this or she will find it very difficult to cope when she comes across people like me in her life who don't have a clue about such things!

(BTW, now I know about my friend's views on this sort of thing I will make an effort next year to be on time with presents - I am not a monster!)

[JaquieFromTheBlock]

Let me get this straight..

So family are not welcome to celebrate on the Birthday as you have your own plans and unless they can be there Friday morning they are not welcome to witness the child opening presents they have brought? - however they have to drop off presents at a time to suit you.

OP I am certain as a parent you would realise that children learn from example? Why the hell would you want your child to learn to copy your entitled brattish behavior and that life is full of disappointments if you don't get exactly what you want, WHEN you want it?

[scottishdiem]

Ummm. I cant see why you cant tell them you are free on Thursday evening but I might have missed that.

Otherwise you will need to get used to people not really operating to your timetable.

[tinkerz]

Ooft. Some harsh responses! That's what I get for posting in AIBU I guess.

It appears the way my family did things was different to the majority and I am obviously BVU to question doing the same as what I thought was the norm for my kids.

[PotteringAlong]

But they ARE expecting to drop them off in time for her birthday. You said yourself that you normally have an open house all day on a birthday. It's you that's changed the goal posts here by going out, not them.

[tinkerz]

FGS they can come any other time they want when we're home. On her actual birthday we will only be at home before midday, if they can't do that then fine. I'm not expecting anyone to take time off their work!

They can come today or tomorrow or last weekend or could have given it to us at Christmas or whenever! I just thought it was a bit odd when I KNOW they are available before her birthday but they wait until after it when it's not something I've ever been used to before. For an adult fine, but I thought for a kid that was a bit unusual.

Even as adults in my family now it's a mad rush to get round to the family member's house before their birthday otherwise it's frowned upon that we're "late" with it.

[TempusEedjit]

Bragadocia I think cards are different as their sole purpose is to wish you a happy birthday so they don't mean as much if received after the actual day. Presents however can be enjoyed in their own right so it doesn't really matter if gifts from other people are a bit late (within reason) as long as presents from the parent(s) with whom the child lives are on time as there's no valid reason why those shouldn't be given on the day!

[WhoKn0wsWhereTheTimeG0es]

At two days notice you are telling them they can't come on Friday as they were expecting so you require the presents to be dropped off on Thursday i.e. tomorrow. YABVU. You should have told them sooner.

[TempusEedjit]

tinkerz great opportunity to set up some new expectations within the family then? Everyone can relax around birthdays instead of the "mad rush".

[scottishdiem]

I think that if there had been a give presents on the day thing that is the norm and that the give on the day thing has been changed by you and not told anyone then how can you opt to feel a little when they cannot come before hand, not knowing that they had to until relatively short notice? How do you know they are available? If they are family then surely they do the mad rush thing you do? If its not family how do you know what people are doing/thinking/working/studying/help own kids with homework etc. 24/7?

I think it might be best to stop you feeling by arranging birthday parties that involved the present givers in future.

[Brokenbiscuit]

Even as adults in my family now it's a mad rush to get round to the family member's house before their birthday otherwise it's frowned upon that we're "late" with it.

Sounds bloody awful to me! Perhaps this is a good opportunity to recalibrate expectations for everyone?

I certainly wouldn't put up with family members frowning upon a late birthday present!

[SparklyMagpie]

Jesus Christ OP, you asked if you was being unreasonable and everyone has said you are

Be lucky your child actually has family and friends who bother!

[TinselTwins]

Well gee, maybe the selfish bastards actually want to SEE your DD around her birthday/birthday weekend which is why they wanna come Sunday.. you know, when there's time to SEE her and she's not getting ready to go out for midday, and don't wanna just be a delivery person dropping off a gift in the morning like the bloody Yodel guy? huh?

[TinselTwins]

Even as adults in my family now it's a mad rush to get round to the family member's house before their birthday otherwise it's frowned upon that we're "late" with it
Then you're all twats. Doesn't mean that everyone else should be twats too just so you can keep up the twattiness and pass it on to your kids.