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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL and being obese

988 replies

YellowBlinds · 17/01/2017 14:59

DH and I made the mistake move to be closer to his parents 3 years ago. FIL is fine, very quiet and reserved, but DH's Mum is your traditional Mumsnet MIL.

Since moving closer, DH and I have been very much at her beck and call - which at first I was more than happy to help (we moved closer to be more helpful and see each other more) however it slowly grew into taking the piss. She frequently invites herself around during the week when DH is at work (I work from home) and will actually let herself in with the spare key, often giving me the fright of my life when I come downstairs and find her rifling through the kitchen cupboards. Despite being able to drive and having a car, she will ask me to drive her to the supermarket/shops/cinema etc - whilst I'm at work.
I could go on but hopefully you get the idea! (don't want to drip feed).

So here's the problem;

She's a very large lady, clinically obese, so much so that it is causing her significant strain on her knees and ankles.
She claims that her weight is due to a medical problem however having been to the doctors with her on several occasions, I've been present when the GP has outright said (after blood tests etc) that there is no underlying health issue, she simply needs to change her lifestyle.

Her ankles are causing her a lot of pain, and I do have sympathy for that, but she is now insisting that she cannot drive or go anywhere unaccompanied and that because I am "at home all day" I should chauffeur her around.

When I have told her I can't do this regularly, she has become hysterical and cried that I'm refusing to support her and discriminating against her medical condition.

She absolutely will not help herself, and has said some really vile things about the doctor, and is telling everyone she has a gland problem - and then goes home and eats an exceptional amount of food pilfered from my kitchen.
She takes great delight, however, in telling me that I'm really fat (I'm not, at least I don't think I am).

AIBU in refusing to ferry her around and not supporting her with her "medical problem"?

OP posts:
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5
Cherrysoup · 17/01/2017 20:40

Sweet Lord, she is a first class manipulator! Hopefully no ambulance was called? What has happened since the incident? Wow, she's a cow! Don't cave, OP, be strong!

PurpleDaisies · 17/01/2017 20:43

My goodness.
I wasn't expecting a fake heart attack. Clearly she needs help.

HelsBels5000 · 17/01/2017 20:44

Oh my. She's a piece of work indeed. Perhaps she needs some psychiatric help. When your FIL is around, you maybe need to have another discussion, and bring up the faked heart attack - he will have to see the full extent of her behaviour sometime.
New locks, do not answer door, she needs cutting off completely for a period of time.
What a nightmare!

MonanaGeller · 17/01/2017 20:46

I'll bet getting her back up off the floor was quite the conundrum, what with her extreme obesity and weak ankles.

GinIsIn · 17/01/2017 20:46

Also, did you get the key back?!

GashleyCrumbTiny · 17/01/2017 20:46

Wow. Just wow.

Change your locks. The next day or so will tell you if you have a DH problem as well as a deranged MIL problem...

Use the anger. Stand firm.

ohfourfoxache · 17/01/2017 20:47

Fucking hell Shock

What did dh do/say when he realised she was faking?

Who the actual fuck does she think she is?

Thank fuck she said that in front of you both Angry

Original poster
YellowBlinds · 17/01/2017 20:47

No. No ambulance was called.

DH is pretty cool headed so he gritted his teeth when she made the bitch comment, pushed her away and said he'd call later.

After her "heart attack" he sat her back on the sofa, I said "we should call an ambulance" and she was very "oh...no... Not for just me. I'll be fine..."
I insisted, and she settled herself and said shed be fine with a cup of tea and a rest. DH went to make the tea with a bit of hesitation, whilst he was out she made some comment about "clearly needing a loving family".
When she was distracted by DH coming back I took her key Blush

OP posts:
CaptainHammer · 17/01/2017 20:48

Wow! At least after that performance you'll be stronger at telling her to bugger off!

CaptainHammer · 17/01/2017 20:48

Glad you took her key!

Bluntness100 · 17/01/2017 20:49

You definetly have no option but to move. This won't stop.

Moving four doors down you'd expect to see her most days, but you'd not expect this crap.

ohfourfoxache · 17/01/2017 20:49

Well done! That was seriously quick thinking on the key front.

Now that you're out of there, is dh still standing firm?

Original poster
YellowBlinds · 17/01/2017 20:51

I haven't really had chance to talk it through with DH, we've only just got back. He's taken himself off to have a shower, he seems pretty upset.

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 17/01/2017 20:52

What happened after that?

SlothMama · 17/01/2017 20:55

She sounds so manipulative who fakes a heart attack for attention?!
How dare she call you a bitch, I'd refuse to speak to her if she didn't show more respect.

Chinnychinnychinnychib · 17/01/2017 20:56

the poor dear. You must never talk to her again, much less have her in your house, as she finds being around you so distressing - nay, life threatening! Best she takes it easy at home.

Bitofacow · 17/01/2017 20:58

I struggle with my mil as does my DP. Try to remember she is his mother, he will be ashamed and embarrassed. I try to pull back and remember he feels it more than I do because she is his mother.
I let him run the conversation because he doesn't need to be 'told' he is already feeling bad. He really doesn't need me banging on about what a witch she is because he knows.
Your DH is probably in a really bad place.
Flowers to both of you.

Kskifred · 17/01/2017 20:59

I bet you are seething AngryAngryAngry

Fuck that, she is fucking mental. How dare she speak about you like that when you do so much for her, she needs reminding that you also agreed to move closer and that you would never have done so if you knew this is what would happen. Good DH has seen this side of her though however upsetting this is for him, you need to be a united front.

Glad you have the key though. And no giving it back as she will just get one cut now it has been threatened.

Tell her to keep her trotters out of your cupboards too.

pipsqueak25 · 17/01/2017 21:01

sorry, but i would now be reducing all contact with her and seriously looking to move. she sounds as if she has serious problems. meant to ask is dh an only child ? has she always been a drama queen

MonanaGeller · 17/01/2017 21:02

Glad you have the key though. And no giving it back as she will just get one cut now it has been threatened.

She's already had one cut Wink

BeachyKeen · 17/01/2017 21:02

Id talk with fil and let him know why she wasn't welcome for a while. It sounds like she will do anything to get her way.

Kskifred · 17/01/2017 21:05

And when she next comes-a-waddling over ask why she would want to be in the company of her son's 'bitch wife' and say no amount of fake heart attacks will help matters, until she treats your relationship with respect she can go eat herself to death at home instead!

Andylion · 17/01/2017 21:08

Read the thread. FIL is at work and doesn't drive.

I read the thread, but missed both of those points. (The FiL had been asked about numerous times.(

PurpleDaisies · 17/01/2017 21:10

Being very kind, it might have been a panic attack. Often people think they're having a heart attack.

thequeenoftarts · 17/01/2017 21:11

Next time she comes knocking, open the door and tell her the bitch says she can't come in. Am livid on your behalf, shame her "heart attack" was put on the nasty cow. Tell her mocking is catching.

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