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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL and being obese

988 replies

YellowBlinds · 17/01/2017 14:59

DH and I made the mistake move to be closer to his parents 3 years ago. FIL is fine, very quiet and reserved, but DH's Mum is your traditional Mumsnet MIL.

Since moving closer, DH and I have been very much at her beck and call - which at first I was more than happy to help (we moved closer to be more helpful and see each other more) however it slowly grew into taking the piss. She frequently invites herself around during the week when DH is at work (I work from home) and will actually let herself in with the spare key, often giving me the fright of my life when I come downstairs and find her rifling through the kitchen cupboards. Despite being able to drive and having a car, she will ask me to drive her to the supermarket/shops/cinema etc - whilst I'm at work.
I could go on but hopefully you get the idea! (don't want to drip feed).

So here's the problem;

She's a very large lady, clinically obese, so much so that it is causing her significant strain on her knees and ankles.
She claims that her weight is due to a medical problem however having been to the doctors with her on several occasions, I've been present when the GP has outright said (after blood tests etc) that there is no underlying health issue, she simply needs to change her lifestyle.

Her ankles are causing her a lot of pain, and I do have sympathy for that, but she is now insisting that she cannot drive or go anywhere unaccompanied and that because I am "at home all day" I should chauffeur her around.

When I have told her I can't do this regularly, she has become hysterical and cried that I'm refusing to support her and discriminating against her medical condition.

She absolutely will not help herself, and has said some really vile things about the doctor, and is telling everyone she has a gland problem - and then goes home and eats an exceptional amount of food pilfered from my kitchen.
She takes great delight, however, in telling me that I'm really fat (I'm not, at least I don't think I am).

AIBU in refusing to ferry her around and not supporting her with her "medical problem"?

OP posts:
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5
FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 18/01/2017 23:13

This just gets weirder and weirder.

I know this was aaaaages ago, but what can her rationale be that because you don't want to ferry her about and feed her all day while you're working, that's apparently taking her darling son away from her? Confused He's not even there!

Odd. I'd go spare if it was my own mum behaving like that let alone a MIL!

coconutpie · 18/01/2017 23:26

Your neighbour is fab and your MIL is batshit. I would move away if I were you. Far far far away.

CotswoldStrife · 18/01/2017 23:28

I do think the FIL may be minimising and she has always had these tendencies.

I have known the spouse of a mental health sufferer claim each time that they had never done anything like this before/been this ill despite their children's clear recollection of aunts having to come and look after them when it had. Selective amnesia.

One of the children has clearly gone the same way IMO although my DH would probably disagree!

winewolfhowls · 18/01/2017 23:51

Bloody hell, I think your Mil thread is the one that I will forever mentally compare all others to.
You have the patience of a saint.

franklyidontgiveadamscarlet · 19/01/2017 02:23

Op do not leave your own keys lying around in case she gets the chance to steal back her keys.
She is a one sneaky woman.
And this is the start of her doing more.

ememem84 · 19/01/2017 06:47

Hope you enjoyed the film op. Please update us once you've spoken to dh.

FurryLittleTwerp · 19/01/2017 07:13

So glad you have a lovely neighbour not the crazy MIL one

She is 52 Shock I'm nearly 52 Shock

JulesJules · 19/01/2017 07:25

Blimey.

And 52 Shock is younger than me! I was imagining someone much older

Justanothernameonthepage · 19/01/2017 07:33

After the heart attack stunt, I'd actually go NC - even if not permanently. And I'd inform her (via DH) that for now, you don't want to see or hear from her, and if she continues to act in the way she has, you'd be looking at moving further away to ensure that you're both able to work in peace and quiet. And then I'd start looking at houses as someone that unbalanced isn't going to give you space.

ReggaeShark · 19/01/2017 07:46

Agree, a period of NC is required.

Original poster
YellowBlinds · 19/01/2017 08:09

So it all cracked off last night.
I got home around 11, I noticed that the flower bed outside the kitchen windows had been trampled a lot.
My phone had run out of charge whilst I was out, onceid plugged it in 12 missed calls from MIL had popped up and a few from neighbour.
I was really worried so text neighbour to see if all was OK, even though it was late.

Turned out that MIL had spent a large chunk of the evening repeating her performance from the morning - coming and going for half an hour chunks. Neighbour sat with a cup of tea and watched the whole thing, (more entertaining that the telly apparently) - MIL finally gave up at 10.30. She apperently ate her dinner on my door step, had a peer through the kitchen windows - which involved climbing up the flower beds.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 19/01/2017 08:10

Jeez she really is obsessed isn't she

Soubriquet · 19/01/2017 08:11

I think I would be looking at a restraining order now tbh

icanteven · 19/01/2017 08:11

Wow. Just as well you weren't home!

Is your DH home yet? In a way it's better that he wasn't there yesterday because he couldn't crack.

I'm glad you have the neighbour on side - it's reassuring that somebody in real life sees that your MIL is demented, not just a bunch of strangers on Mumsnet!!

PurpleDaisies · 19/01/2017 08:11

I think this is very worrying behaviour. It sounds like she needs help rather than she's just a nasty piece of work determined to make your life difficult.

When is your dh back? What was the FIL doing while she was sitting on your doorstep eating dinner?

CupOfTeaAndAbiscuitPlease · 19/01/2017 08:11

O...m....g.....Shock Shock Shock

HashiAsLarry · 19/01/2017 08:12

When your DH gets home tonight, you are going to have to get him and FIL to deal with this properly. This is not normal behaviour. They are doing her a massive disservice to ignore this, let alone what ignoring it is doing to you.

CupOfTeaAndAbiscuitPlease · 19/01/2017 08:12

In all seriousness, would you consider moving?

Doublemint · 19/01/2017 08:12

I think it's time to get serious, this is harassment. And bill her for the flowers

Original poster
YellowBlinds · 19/01/2017 08:13

Sorry, pressed send to soon.
She bought one of the cats out to try the old cat flap in the side door (locked, fortunately as we have no cat else the poor thing would have been trapped in our garage).
Neighbour said she looked quite mad (neighbour thoroughly entertained) and not a bit like she had knee trouble when she was bouncing about trying to look through the kitchen window.

OP posts:
Pistachiois50pmore · 19/01/2017 08:13

52! Makes her the same age as Michelle Obama, Keanu Reeves and Monica Belucci. And, er, Courtney Love. OP IS YOUR MIL COURTNEY LOVE?

Usernamegone · 19/01/2017 08:14

When's you DH home? I think from her actions you now know you will never have an peace and quiet in your house ever.

Original poster
YellowBlinds · 19/01/2017 08:14

In all seriousness, would you consider moving? yes.

I'm going to drive over to FIL at work this morning, to talk to him face to face because as far as aware he was in last night

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 19/01/2017 08:16

Op seriously, that's not the behaviour of someone who's rational. You and your dh need to tackle this from the point of view of a mental health issue.

Original poster
YellowBlinds · 19/01/2017 08:16

DH home late tonight. I've screenshot neighbours texts and sent them to him.
Along with a link to Rightmove Blush

OP posts:
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