MIL and being obese

[YellowBlinds]

DH and I made the mistake move to be closer to his parents 3 years ago. FIL is fine, very quiet and reserved, but DH's Mum is your traditional Mumsnet MIL.

Since moving closer, DH and I have been very much at her beck and call - which at first I was more than happy to help (we moved closer to be more helpful and see each other more) however it slowly grew into taking the piss. She frequently invites herself around during the week when DH is at work (I work from home) and will actually let herself in with the spare key, often giving me the fright of my life when I come downstairs and find her rifling through the kitchen cupboards. Despite being able to drive and having a car, she will ask me to drive her to the supermarket/shops/cinema etc - whilst I'm at work.
I could go on but hopefully you get the idea! (don't want to drip feed).

So here's the problem;

She's a very large lady, clinically obese, so much so that it is causing her significant strain on her knees and ankles.
She claims that her weight is due to a medical problem however having been to the doctors with her on several occasions, I've been present when the GP has outright said (after blood tests etc) that there is no underlying health issue, she simply needs to change her lifestyle.

Her ankles are causing her a lot of pain, and I do have sympathy for that, but she is now insisting that she cannot drive or go anywhere unaccompanied and that because I am "at home all day" I should chauffeur her around.

When I have told her I can't do this regularly, she has become hysterical and cried that I'm refusing to support her and discriminating against her medical condition.

She absolutely will not help herself, and has said some really vile things about the doctor, and is telling everyone she has a gland problem - and then goes home and eats an exceptional amount of food pilfered from my kitchen.
She takes great delight, however, in telling me that I'm really fat (I'm not, at least I don't think I am).

AIBU in refusing to ferry her around and not supporting her with her "medical problem"?

Bloody hell - medal for your neighbour (Mumsnet Ally #1)
And well done op 🙌🏻

Er so to answer some questions;

No, I'm not a troll - sorry. I thought they were money scams?

MIL is 52 and FIL is 63.

FIL is no use whatsoever with MIL, hes due to retire very soon so no idea what will happen then.

I'd love to move house but I'm not sure that is financially viable yet.

Yes! To treating her like a tantrumming toddler, I used to be a Nanny so I have experience

DH is wonderful in every way and I adore him, but he's a bit of an ostrich with difficult social situations - he's still not replied to my missed calls and voicemail.

Woo, go you!!

Dealt with like a pro, well done :)

Aren't you glad you didn't go out and see to her? yes! Though it would have been terrible had it been true!

Oh and well done to thread reading neighbour too
Welcome to mumsnet, neighbour!

What did the FIL say, OP?

I often wonder, when I hear about MILs that behave appallingly (as did my own), how they would have felt if their own MIL had behaved as they are.

FIL called back whilst I was there but was no use.

Sorry, I don't think that's acceptable. The four of you need a full and frank discussion and he needs to step up a lot bit

52!! that's only 3 years older than me - I thought she was going to be 75 or something

Well done for sticking with it! And well done OP's Neighbour!

Well done OP!

I think you need a serious chat with your DH once he's finished work tonight. I realise he may not be good at this stuff, but he needs to engage because this is having a terrible effect on you. Ditto FIL - being 'not much use' is his go-to to escape dealing with his wife.

Well done. You dealt with that well and now you have your neighbour on side. I had visions of your MIL being a lot older but she is younger than me. There is no way I would behave like that with my DDs. She is one strange woman.

Haha, Well done OP for not answering the door... keep that up and she will stop

I knew she was lying about being locked outk it was a way to ignore your convo last night and prove she doesn't give a shit

Well done to neighbour - take a bow whoever you are

Im sure Neighbour will tel her mother what the real deal is here op

Question OP: If you had opened the door ( glad you didn't) what do you think would have been her reason to come over?

Oh, and it would not have been terrible if it was true that she was locked out - it would have been a bit inconvenient for her. That's all.

Well done OP and hurrah for NATR (Neighbour Across The Road)!

What did FIL actually say?

Well done, OP and OP's neighbour.

Is your neighbour on mumsnet? Sounds like she handled it brilliantly and deserves recognition. Could she post with her story too?

52 I def had her at about 70 ... so glad you stayed strong OP. Very well done. You do need a plan for going forward though or this will keep happening

Well done OP and if you're still reading well done OP's neighbour!

You need to be consistent though with not answering the door or her calls and leave it until DH is back to speak to her.

When is your DH back?

52 !!!!

I am 51, this is just dreadful behaviour and you have years more of it ahead of you if you back down.

You have done brilliantly OP - You deserve a gold star. And so does neighbour. Sterling work in the face of batshit. You will probably get the Flying Monkeys sent in next. Family or friends telling you/DH what a cunt you are not to roll over and do everything MIL wants.

Or more illness.

So glad you have updated. I can go to work happy now

Well done NATR. I stick by my first comment on this thread to move. This is utterly batshit and not sustainable.

She seems to have recovered from last night well though.

Well done op. Your neighbour sounds fab.

I don't wish to be personal, but if you 're planning a family anytime within the next 20 years I suggest you move.
At least 200 miles away.