MIL and being obese

[YellowBlinds]

DH and I made the mistake move to be closer to his parents 3 years ago. FIL is fine, very quiet and reserved, but DH's Mum is your traditional Mumsnet MIL.

Since moving closer, DH and I have been very much at her beck and call - which at first I was more than happy to help (we moved closer to be more helpful and see each other more) however it slowly grew into taking the piss. She frequently invites herself around during the week when DH is at work (I work from home) and will actually let herself in with the spare key, often giving me the fright of my life when I come downstairs and find her rifling through the kitchen cupboards. Despite being able to drive and having a car, she will ask me to drive her to the supermarket/shops/cinema etc - whilst I'm at work.
I could go on but hopefully you get the idea! (don't want to drip feed).

So here's the problem;

She's a very large lady, clinically obese, so much so that it is causing her significant strain on her knees and ankles.
She claims that her weight is due to a medical problem however having been to the doctors with her on several occasions, I've been present when the GP has outright said (after blood tests etc) that there is no underlying health issue, she simply needs to change her lifestyle.

Her ankles are causing her a lot of pain, and I do have sympathy for that, but she is now insisting that she cannot drive or go anywhere unaccompanied and that because I am "at home all day" I should chauffeur her around.

When I have told her I can't do this regularly, she has become hysterical and cried that I'm refusing to support her and discriminating against her medical condition.

She absolutely will not help herself, and has said some really vile things about the doctor, and is telling everyone she has a gland problem - and then goes home and eats an exceptional amount of food pilfered from my kitchen.
She takes great delight, however, in telling me that I'm really fat (I'm not, at least I don't think I am).

AIBU in refusing to ferry her around and not supporting her with her "medical problem"?

OP - you have let her in haven't you? Tut tut!

Now you have to start all over again. Or move.

My egg donor behaves just like this - including the fainting to the floor "heart attacks", she also gets "cancer" if anyone dares to stand up to her. It's lovely being NC.

happy I first read that as the woman who is donating you eggs and thought it odd.

Double lock door and ignore any 'guests' knocking at the door you arent expecting

Service It makes me ill to refer to my abuser as my mother, even though I know it to be factually true

I suspect OP is busy dealing with MIL in either a terrifying full on narc rage, or an equally terrifying fake torrential crying session. She won't get her out of the house again for hours if she has opened that door.

I hope I am wrong, but if I am correct OP, don't hesitate to tell her you are calling police/doctor/ambulance if she doesn't shape up and fuck off.

DO NOT ANSWER THE DOOR

If MIL is locked out of her own house, then the neighbour will let you know

You need to move.

But if the neighbour's outside talking to the MIL she might not have managed to read the thread

Very good point Monana.

Fucking hell, you need to MOVE!

Maybe it is a different neighbour. The thread reading neighbour is currently moving her sofa to in front of the door.

happy what a bloody awful nightmare childhood you must have had.

Op please post I have jobs to do

Stop fricking troll hunting on the thread, people!

OP, are you okay? what's going on now?

Hope the neighbour is enjoying all the details...

HalfaFish - This type of situation does usually go from 0-100 in less than 24 hours. When a self-centred person gets firmly confronted about their selfish, demanding behaviour, the "heart attack" and tantrum is pretty predictable.

Yellow - Keep strong. You and DH have set out the boundaries and she's kicking off. Treat this episode like a toddler tantrum. If you give in today, you'll have to go through it all again.

Isn't it funny that when someone starts a thread on MN the situation goes from 0-100 in less than 24 hours...

Well it would do anyway wouldn't it? OP is doing something that MIL detests. If she hadn't had started the thread, she's might not have had the courage to stop answering the door and MIL would have carried on using and abusing at her hearts content.

Now OP is starting to fight back, MIL is ramping up her behavioir to put the op back where she firmly belongs. Under her control

Change the locks and don't give her a key. Tell her you now go out to work. You may need to hide your car. Work in an upstairs room where she can't look through windows and catch you. You may need to rent a small office for a few weeks so you are genuinely not there or work at the office for a while. Put up a small camera so you know who's at the door.

Eventually she may accept you are not there and stop coming round.

It's a cowards way out.

Isn't it funny that when someone starts a thread on MN the situation goes from 0-100 in less than 24 hours....

The vast majority of threads like this result in absolutely no action whatsoever, and open with "I've posted about my MIL/DH/DD/neighbour's parakeet 850374 times in the past and you've all given me the same advice, but she/he/it is doing it again. WWYD?" Or the OP takes the advice (or doesn't) and never updates again, because they're getting on with life.

Once in a BLUE MOON there's a thread with reasonably prompt action with updates. Hardly a big waving red flag for a troll.

Anyway, I'm putting off starting work this morning, so I have absolutely no objection to being entertained. Even if the OP is making the whole thing up, it's still not a malicious thread like that woman who claimed her son had insta-leukaemia, so no harm done.

Oooh the utter drama on this thread. It even has replies with CAPITAL LETTERS and the sheer decadence over the over punctuation has made me quite giddy!!!!!!!!!

Has anyone given birth yet?

That might be the next move in mils arsenal worra pillow up her dress.

Oh wow, I don't think I've ever been so gripped to a thread!! Do not let her in! Hope you're ok