Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

MIL and being obese

988 replies

YellowBlinds · 17/01/2017 14:59

DH and I made the mistake move to be closer to his parents 3 years ago. FIL is fine, very quiet and reserved, but DH's Mum is your traditional Mumsnet MIL.

Since moving closer, DH and I have been very much at her beck and call - which at first I was more than happy to help (we moved closer to be more helpful and see each other more) however it slowly grew into taking the piss. She frequently invites herself around during the week when DH is at work (I work from home) and will actually let herself in with the spare key, often giving me the fright of my life when I come downstairs and find her rifling through the kitchen cupboards. Despite being able to drive and having a car, she will ask me to drive her to the supermarket/shops/cinema etc - whilst I'm at work.
I could go on but hopefully you get the idea! (don't want to drip feed).

So here's the problem;

She's a very large lady, clinically obese, so much so that it is causing her significant strain on her knees and ankles.
She claims that her weight is due to a medical problem however having been to the doctors with her on several occasions, I've been present when the GP has outright said (after blood tests etc) that there is no underlying health issue, she simply needs to change her lifestyle.

Her ankles are causing her a lot of pain, and I do have sympathy for that, but she is now insisting that she cannot drive or go anywhere unaccompanied and that because I am "at home all day" I should chauffeur her around.

When I have told her I can't do this regularly, she has become hysterical and cried that I'm refusing to support her and discriminating against her medical condition.

She absolutely will not help herself, and has said some really vile things about the doctor, and is telling everyone she has a gland problem - and then goes home and eats an exceptional amount of food pilfered from my kitchen.
She takes great delight, however, in telling me that I'm really fat (I'm not, at least I don't think I am).

AIBU in refusing to ferry her around and not supporting her with her "medical problem"?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
BeyondTheStarryNight · 18/01/2017 11:03

Even if she has purposely locked herself out. It is not normal behaviour to bang and shout and scream on your DILs door for an hour.

Generally one would knock, and if there's no response, ring a bloody locksmith or break in yourself!!

Lespritdelsietanner · 18/01/2017 11:04

Good Lord what a drama. It's hardly credible that things like this happen in everyday life. I've certainly never, ever, ever encountered anything like this in my 47 years on the planet. I wonder if the police will turn up next?

BeyondTheStarryNight · 18/01/2017 11:05

(Break in to her house, that is - not yours!!!)

Servicesupportforall · 18/01/2017 11:05

You say that lesp but then you watch an episode of Kyle and hear people acting just like the mil.

Ouriana · 18/01/2017 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sonjadog · 18/01/2017 11:05

I agree, Lesprit. Amazing how fast it is escalating too!

But undeniably entertaining.

ShinyMoonFace · 18/01/2017 11:06

I have encountered things like this with my narc former friend.

There are books written about things like this. When it all calms down, you SERIOUSLY need to talk with your DH about how you both plan to move forward, because this is intolerable, and nor should you be expected to tolerate it.

juneau · 18/01/2017 11:07

Even if she has purposely locked herself out. It is not normal behaviour to bang and shout and scream on your DILs door for an hour.

I agree. If she had genuinely locked herself out she could've gone to one of the other neighbour's houses to make a phone call to FIL, a locksmith or whoever.

0SometimesIWonder · 18/01/2017 11:08

Agree Lesprit and sonjadog Hmm

No-one in their right mind behaves like this - it's probably time to have her sectioned.

PurpleDaisies · 18/01/2017 11:10

Have have her sectioned?!!!! On what grounds?

MonanaGeller · 18/01/2017 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Clutterbugsmum · 18/01/2017 11:11

If you have a spare key to hers, I would open the door enough to give her the key and tell her to go home you are working and then shut and lock the door up again.

I would also contact your FIL and tell him whats happened last night/today and that he need to come home and take her to the doctor as her behavior is very concerning and she may need medical help.

SeaEagleFeather · 18/01/2017 11:12

I've certainly never, ever, ever encountered anything like this in my 47 years on the planet.

I have and it's hell. Although at least the OP's MIL isn't violent. But speaking from experience the game - playing over replicating a beloved parent's death is extraordinarily painful. For me, it's stayed with me and it's over 20 years later. Not that I think of it often, but when I do it still hurts.

I wish very much that people didn't do this. At least it's pretty rare.

Servicesupportforall · 18/01/2017 11:13

I think she's certainly guilty of stalking the op. People do that you know. It's quite well documented behaviour.

xStefx · 18/01/2017 11:13

Please OP do not let her in (although by how quiet you are im assuming you are speaking to her right now) :-( She is trying to basically throw back at you what you and your DP sad to her last night and prove she doesn't have to listen to you.
If you let her in now, this is your life forever basically
She genuinely has NO respect for you

PovertyPain · 18/01/2017 11:14

Stay strong, OP. This is exactly the kind of stunt my, NC, sister would have pulled. Right down to the fake illnesses, fits in her case, lies and hysteria.

CoraPirbright · 18/01/2017 11:14

If you do have a key to her house, I would open your own letterbox from inside and drop it out to her. Then you have a clear conscience (and given that you sound very nice, OP, I think this is important to you). But do remember what a nightmare she has been, let alone calling you a bitch last night and pulling that despicable stunt with the fake heart attack.

Servicesupportforall · 18/01/2017 11:14

Update op?

Lespritdelsietanner · 18/01/2017 11:14

Although we've not yet heard the latest from the conflab between MIL and the neighbour, so I guess the OP will have a another text from the neighbour soon.

If it's the same neigbour that OP sent a link to this thread then perhaps they might post here and give us an update? I do hope so. Third party perspective - always nice.

SeaEagleFeather · 18/01/2017 11:15

Have have her sectioned?!!!!

Again from experience, it just won't happen.

You really need to keep your husband informed what's happening though, OP. He needs to be onside with you over all this.

CoraPirbright · 18/01/2017 11:15

And def start thinking about moving. I am not sure how this can be resolved otherwise.

Twinkladdictmum · 18/01/2017 11:16

OP what if the neighbour shows your MIL this thread? She will combust!

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 18/01/2017 11:16

I've read this whole thread with my jaw hanging open. I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said, other than FOR CHRIST'S SAKE DO NOT LET HER IN.

Soubriquet · 18/01/2017 11:17

Why have I got a feeling the OP caved and MIL is currently scoffing her way through cakes as we speak

BeyondTheStarryNight · 18/01/2017 11:17

Hang on, you didn't take the wrong key off her keys, did you...? Grin

(nah, can't have or she'd be letting herself in. Unless you took her key and someone else mistakenly took yours?!)

Swipe left for the next trending thread