MIL and being obese

[YellowBlinds]

DH and I made the mistake move to be closer to his parents 3 years ago. FIL is fine, very quiet and reserved, but DH's Mum is your traditional Mumsnet MIL.

Since moving closer, DH and I have been very much at her beck and call - which at first I was more than happy to help (we moved closer to be more helpful and see each other more) however it slowly grew into taking the piss. She frequently invites herself around during the week when DH is at work (I work from home) and will actually let herself in with the spare key, often giving me the fright of my life when I come downstairs and find her rifling through the kitchen cupboards. Despite being able to drive and having a car, she will ask me to drive her to the supermarket/shops/cinema etc - whilst I'm at work.
I could go on but hopefully you get the idea! (don't want to drip feed).

So here's the problem;

She's a very large lady, clinically obese, so much so that it is causing her significant strain on her knees and ankles.
She claims that her weight is due to a medical problem however having been to the doctors with her on several occasions, I've been present when the GP has outright said (after blood tests etc) that there is no underlying health issue, she simply needs to change her lifestyle.

Her ankles are causing her a lot of pain, and I do have sympathy for that, but she is now insisting that she cannot drive or go anywhere unaccompanied and that because I am "at home all day" I should chauffeur her around.

When I have told her I can't do this regularly, she has become hysterical and cried that I'm refusing to support her and discriminating against her medical condition.

She absolutely will not help herself, and has said some really vile things about the doctor, and is telling everyone she has a gland problem - and then goes home and eats an exceptional amount of food pilfered from my kitchen.
She takes great delight, however, in telling me that I'm really fat (I'm not, at least I don't think I am).

AIBU in refusing to ferry her around and not supporting her with her "medical problem"?

Don't go out! She is categorically not "locked out of her house", she's trying it on.

Don't feel mean! She most likely doesn't have dementia. And if she does, maybe this is the catalyst that will spur FIL into getting her proper care. Either way, nothing at all is served by you opening that door.

Do you have a key for her house? If you do, then drop it out the window to her...do not let her in your front door!

NO! SHE IS NOT LOCKED OUT OF HER OWN HOUSE!

She doesn't sound in the least like she has dementure op.

She sounds like she's been spoilt all her life and expects you to continue the process.

do not answer the door tell fil/dh to deal with her.

Is there any reason you can't ring FIL?

Locked out? That's...convienient (for her!)

I'd put money on this NOT being dementia. She's being manipulative and as she knows her son is out of the picture for the day she's taking the opportunity to get to his "bitch wife".

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU OPEN THE DOOR!

And make sure you're not alone with her, she could accuse you of doing anything! A police officer advised me of this about my mother after she had assaulted me.

DO NOT CAVE IN!

I'd put money on this NOT being dementia. She's being manipulative and as she knows her son is out of the picture for the day she's taking the opportunity to get to his "bitch wife".

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU OPEN THE DOOR!

And make sure you're not alone with her, she could accuse you of doing anything! A police officer advised me of this about my mother after she had assaulted me.

DO NOT CAVE IN!

How old is she?

What, she shouted that through the letter box? No. Don't go to her. She's just manipulating you. Does she often lock herself out?

You know the "heart attack" yesterday? Being locked out is the new heart attack. She is not locked out

No!!

Don't go out!

If she's that cold she can go home

Last night she said she was having a heart attack. That, too, was a lie.

If she was actually locked out she'd be ringing FIL to come home.

Neighbour has come out of her house, I can hear them talking but not sure what they're actually saying

Drop her key down to her from the upstairs window (while clamping the phone to your other ear to mime a conference call).

Of course she isn't locked out.

I also don't believe she has dementia, she is with it enough to cry when she isn't getting her own way, with it enough to lie about what the dr has said, with it enough to fake a heart attack, just not with it enough to respect what you and your husband want.

That's manipulation, not dementia.

do not go out - if she is locked out she can go to a cafe to keep warm or into a neighbours and phone her husband!

She is not locked out of her own house. Even if she were she could have text you to ask you nicely for the keys. This is a power play.

If you have a key to her house drop it through the window.

At this point I would be seriously thinking of contacting the police. That's crazy behaviour. Tell them you are scared of her.

She's not locked out of her house.

She faked a heart attack last night! Why would she be telling the truth now?

If she was she would have called FIL by now, or gone round to her friends - none of whom have categorically told her they are busy and cannot come to the door.

Give her your spare key for her house. It's only fair that neither have access and then she has no excuses.

Get FIL to come home - by taxi if nec.