Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

MIL and being obese

988 replies

YellowBlinds · 17/01/2017 14:59

DH and I made the mistake move to be closer to his parents 3 years ago. FIL is fine, very quiet and reserved, but DH's Mum is your traditional Mumsnet MIL.

Since moving closer, DH and I have been very much at her beck and call - which at first I was more than happy to help (we moved closer to be more helpful and see each other more) however it slowly grew into taking the piss. She frequently invites herself around during the week when DH is at work (I work from home) and will actually let herself in with the spare key, often giving me the fright of my life when I come downstairs and find her rifling through the kitchen cupboards. Despite being able to drive and having a car, she will ask me to drive her to the supermarket/shops/cinema etc - whilst I'm at work.
I could go on but hopefully you get the idea! (don't want to drip feed).

So here's the problem;

She's a very large lady, clinically obese, so much so that it is causing her significant strain on her knees and ankles.
She claims that her weight is due to a medical problem however having been to the doctors with her on several occasions, I've been present when the GP has outright said (after blood tests etc) that there is no underlying health issue, she simply needs to change her lifestyle.

Her ankles are causing her a lot of pain, and I do have sympathy for that, but she is now insisting that she cannot drive or go anywhere unaccompanied and that because I am "at home all day" I should chauffeur her around.

When I have told her I can't do this regularly, she has become hysterical and cried that I'm refusing to support her and discriminating against her medical condition.

She absolutely will not help herself, and has said some really vile things about the doctor, and is telling everyone she has a gland problem - and then goes home and eats an exceptional amount of food pilfered from my kitchen.
She takes great delight, however, in telling me that I'm really fat (I'm not, at least I don't think I am).

AIBU in refusing to ferry her around and not supporting her with her "medical problem"?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Formerpigwrestler9 · 18/01/2017 10:27

She acting like a spurned lover who has turned lost all dignity and turned into a crazed stalker

magicstar1 · 18/01/2017 10:28

She's being absolutely ridiculous! Try to keep strong and ignore her - do not answer the door or she'll do this every time. The closest I'd get would be to open the top window and tell her to Fuck right off.

Soubriquet · 18/01/2017 10:28

DO NOT ANSWER THE DOOR

PurpleDaisies · 18/01/2017 10:30

Where in earth is the FIL in this? If she's still outside banging on the door I'd put an emergency call to him at work and tell him to come and get her.

ShinyMoonFace · 18/01/2017 10:31

If she is cold she can go home.

YY to texting FIL also.

EssentialHummus · 18/01/2017 10:33

Good grief. Do not cave OP. If need be (and if you have that kind of relationship), respond to the neighbour with "Yes all fine thanks, will explain when I get a chance".

ShinyMoonFace · 18/01/2017 10:34

I'd be moving too. You cannot be subjected to this sort of batshit behaviour harassment. Calling you a bitch would have sent me to rightmove.

MonanaGeller · 18/01/2017 10:34

Where in earth is the FIL in this? If she's still outside banging on the door I'd put an emergency call to him at work and tell him to come and get her.

He's a very shadowy presence, isn't he? Confused

loobyloo1234 · 18/01/2017 10:35

Stay strong OP. Sounds like a complete nightmare.

I know it won't help for today but could you going forward, say you've got a new job and will be office based? So she then won't expect you to be home ... and will stop taking advantage of your kindness

juneau · 18/01/2017 10:36

Yup, I'd move too. She's bat shit crazy, narcissistic and has what sounds like an eating disorder (which she's in total denial about).

But don't open the door. If you, you're showing her that all she has to do is bang for long enough and you'll cave in. I hope you've got the headphones on. Noise-cancelling headphones are the bomb Grin.

Mamia15 · 18/01/2017 10:37

Doesn't surprise me that FIL is a shadowy presence...who wouldn't with a wife like her?

JanuaryMoods · 18/01/2017 10:38

You've come this far, OP, do not open the door.

girlelephant · 18/01/2017 10:39

OP I agree with others if she was that cold she would go home!

Original poster
YellowBlinds · 18/01/2017 10:41

She's still there.
I replied to neighbour with a link to the thread. I couldn't figure out how else to explain. She hasn't got back to me yet, so I'm quite worried she thinks we're all barking now.

Still nothing from DH, I've called FIL at work and they're getting him to call me back. Not sure what he can do though as he takes the bus to work and it takes ages.

OP posts:
yellowfrog · 18/01/2017 10:41

Whatever you do, do not answer the door. If you do, you'll have just taught her that if she has to bang for almost an hour she'll get results and so next time she will do the same.

Text neighbour to explain and if you can, contact FIL

yellowfrog · 18/01/2017 10:42

sorry, cross posts again!

Original poster
YellowBlinds · 18/01/2017 10:42

I'm feeling really really mean now. Especially when people are saying she may have dementia.
God knows what the neighbours think.

OP posts:
MonanaGeller · 18/01/2017 10:43

Doesn't surprise me that FIL is a shadowy presence...who wouldn't with a wife like her?

Well, quite. Just look at what happened in the space of a few hours yesterday between the OP starting the thread and the confrontation with her DH!

I cannot even imagine where she'll go from here, but there is absolutely zero chance of the OP posting to say that the deranged MIL has seen the error of her ways and has quietly headed home with her head hanging in shame at attracting the attention of the other locals.

ohfourfoxache · 18/01/2017 10:44

The thread is completely self explanatory and I'm sure she won't think you're barking. She cares enough to text you to make sure you're ok, and anyone with half a brain cell can see that mil has been nasty.

Don't answer the door under any circumstances.

juneau · 18/01/2017 10:45

Well it will take your neighbour a while to read 14 pages of messages - I'd give her 20 mins!

OP I feel for you. You must feel under siege in your own home, with your DH away and FIL a long bus-ride away. But hang in there, don't open the door and remember that she can go home if she's cold.

ohtheholidays · 18/01/2017 10:45

Do not feel guilty and talk yourself out of standing your ground!!

We are on your side OP!!

JustSpeakSense · 18/01/2017 10:45

I agree with calling FIL to come and fetch her.

Original poster
YellowBlinds · 18/01/2017 10:47

OK, I took the headphones off to see if she'd gone and I heard MIL say that she's locked out of her house. I have to go out, right? She must be freezing.

OP posts:
BeyondTheStarryNight · 18/01/2017 10:48

Just another saying don't answer!

Although I might go as far as opening the door with the chain on, hissing "I. Am. Working. Go. Away." and shutting it again. Then if she continues, you would be justified to (mn trope...) ring 101

PurpleDaisies · 18/01/2017 10:49

No, DO NOT go and talk to her. She isn't locked out, she's manipulating you.