'Don't you have a boyfriend or husband who can look at that?'

[buzzmoon]

boiler issues, and speaking to a plumber who says the above.

Sorry just because I have a vagina that makes me incapable of doing it myself?

AIBU, or should I have said F you!

I remember being in Currys. Women near me was asking some basic questions and asked the salesperson for help - she said "she was having a blonde moment". I wonder what the salesperson thought of that statement?

But think, why do women self-deprecate and apologise for themselves like this?
Do you ever see a man getting flustered then making excuses for himself; 'sorry, just having a male moment, bear with me' etc?

You don't. It's because women are conditioned by the (patriarchal) society to believe themselves inferior. And it's sad to see so many posters here perpetuating that.

WellErrr yes I self deprecate and apologies all the time. A bit lick huge grant but without the accent. Lots of men do. In fact it does seem a bit of an English trait.

You don't. It's because women are conditioned by the (patriarchal) society to believe themselves inferior

I work in education - one of my major roles is to encourage children to believe in themselves and to encourage them to try. To believe they can do it. Not to get someone else to do it. And yes, it is mainly girls who tend to (in certain areas) believe they can't do it. I also have to ensure that certain groups (and it's often confident boys) don't 'hog the limelight' and that they get the message that girls are JUST AS CAPABLE of doing things that society sees as 'male areas' as boys.

I hope they see that - despite the constant messages society gives them.

In response to a few questions:

I hadn't checked the plug before the electrician came no. I didn't know what the fault was and he didn't charge me for the call out. Maybe he could tell I was offended!

The plumber was on the phone - asking me to do a VERY simple thing, check the pressure gauge to establish what the fault might be before he came out. You definitely do not need to be qualified/with penis to do that.

I'm early 20s and have had people knock on the door and say 'is your dad in' erm no I own my house thank you. But I suppose I should take that as a compliment?

Lots of men do. In fact it does seem a bit of an English trait

Really - do you see many men admit to 'not knowing something' when in a an area like a car showroom or a computer room and then say 'sorry, I'm a man, I don't understand these things'. Especially admitting that to another man.

Really?

Although girls do generally do better in education. My mates teacher wife was saying education is better geared up to girls preferred way of learning.

amispartacus Do they they need to if they are right? If they are wrong sure they say sorry I was wrong or forget that I was being daft

WellErrr yes I self deprecate and apologies all the time.

For being a man?
For not knowing things because you're male?

I bet you don't. But if you do, you're literally the first man I have EVER heard of doing.

I had a thread on here about going to a farming trade fair. I was looking at quad bikes and the salesman asked me if i wanted it 'for a toy'. Not many posters agreed with me that it was sexism except women farmers.

The point is both men and women put them self's down all the time. It's so much about women always assuming they are wrong and men always arrogantly assuming they are right.

Although there is a bit of this to play I often think the patriarchal boogie man is over played.

Do you ever see a man getting flustered then making excuses for himself; 'sorry, just having a male moment, bear with me' etc?

More likely in a sales scenario a man will try to bluff his way through rather than admit to being flummoxed, and end up with the wrong (i.e. more expensive) thing.

Ricky Gervais' stand-up routine where he talks about how men like him will reflexively attempt to sound more working class when talking to a tradesman is worth a look.

The point is both men and women put them self's down all the time

No - the point is that women are more likely to put themselves down using a gender based reason 'I'm having a blonde moment' etc.

This isn't quite the same but when dp and I bought our house a few years ago I felt totally cut off from the whole process. Every letter, email and telephone call was directed to dp. It was a joint mortgage, using joint money and both our earnings. We both gave our contact details. I would telephone about something and if a call back was needed, they would call back dp every time. I wasn't cc'ed in on emails. If I emailed, sometimes they would reply only to dp. I would get dp to cc me in again, sometimes I was kept there sometimes I wasn't. Letters were all addressed to dp. It pissed me off no end.

Luckily I have not had any bad experiences like this with tradespeople so far. I am usually the one who talks to them and explains problems and this has been fine.

derxa

Remember that thread well

Although girls do generally do better in education. My mates teacher wife was saying education is better geared up to girls preferred way of learning

Want to talk about messages in education? The hidden curriculum? Gender expectations? The dominance of males in certain subjects? The messages girls and boys get about subjects? I - and I am sure others on here - would love to. Would you? Always good to have a man on here talking about sexism in education.

darmody do you have a link to a YouTube clip of the Ricky gervais sketch? I can't find it

buzzmoon

I don't, sorry - I'm sure it's on the 'Animals' DVD. The 'middle-class man trying to put himself at ease with a tradesman by acting exaggeratedly working-class' bit is pretty funny, though.

Darmody on the point of sales people they often have to act like they know what they are talking about even if they are talking out their arse. You wouldn't buy something of them if you didn't think they knew what they are talking about? My RADAR and microwave systems instructors (sad) hobby was to go into curry's and act like he knew nothing. He would then that asking them technical questions about best aerial systems, cables etc. Often they know little about electronics and he would then educate them. The point is they bullshit everyone. Often to sell you a far more expensive cable than you need.

Step daughter is a qualified electrician. When she had a new fitted kitchen, she just smiled sweetly throughout the helpful advice from the fitter to the effect that 'her husband' could do all the necessary wiring', before explaining she'd be doing it herself. Sigh and the sexism is still with us!

I love it when people say things like that to me as I get a chance to 'explain' to them why it's a silly thing to say. I'm very polite but I'm sure most won't make the same mistake again

I actually find it happens disappointingly rarely.

I do all sorts of DIY, can change tires, do oil changes etc, fix computers etc etc whereas DH is at the level that he can barely change a light bulb (he's brilliant at other things though)

I bought a new car the other day and they didn't once do the 'it's a pretty colour' thing. They told me all the technical stuff and I'm sure I wasn't treated any differently than a bloke. It was the same with a big building project where the builders seemed just as happy to deal directly with me than my DH. I think things are getting better but there is still the odd idiot about

I used to work in a carpet shop. Was often asked if there was someone who could work out what they needed or cut them some carpet off a huge roll. Were usually shocked when I'd do it! I did have one wife clobber her oh when he said it though! Also everyone is surprised when I say I do most of the diy and not my DH.

Although girls do generally do better in education. My mates teacher wife was saying education is better geared up to girls preferred way of learning.

I totally disagree with her. It most certainly isn't geared to girls (whatever that means - are you saying that humans are two different species, male and female?). You wouldn't be able to distinguished a male brain and a female brain by looking at it. The problem you should be addressing is why boys don't do so well in education and why that is. It's way, way, way, too simplistic to say it's because of girls.

Plus, I'm not aware of a 'preferred way of learning'. Does this continue throughout life?

I experienced sexism during my divorce case which was completely unexpected. It was amicable, I initiated it under two-year separation.

The courts lost paperwork and told my ex not to worry as I would have to sort it. Every time I emailed them I didn't get a response. When he emailed them, response within 24-hours. All paperwork was sent to him immediately after processing - Paperwork to me much later (once two months late!).

The first few incidences I thought were due to general incompetence. But as it carried on, I wondered why they thought the male must have immediate updates but the female could wait.

The correct response is 'Don't you have a girlfriend, wife, mother, sister or daughter to explain the concept of Everyday Sexism to you, sweetheart?'

DH and I still crack up when we remember the expression on the face of our plumber when he came to fit a shower at breakfast time on a weekday, and saw me reading (a text I was about to give a lecture on) and drinking coffee at the table while DH ironed his shirt. Admittedly, he was past retirement age - though that's no excuse - but he actually spluttered and exclaimed 'Well, I've never seen that like of that!' rather as though we were engaging in group sex in front of the Aga...