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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not provide food at a birthday party?!

386 replies

WobbleYourHead · 16/01/2017 22:00

DS is going to be 9 next birthday. He wants a skate party at our local roller rink. The party will be 6:15pm until 7:45pm on a Sunday night (they're fixed times for parties and this is the slot available on the date we want).
We have a limited budget and without food he could invite his whole class, friends from cubs, football etc. If we cater the party then it'd drastically limit numbers.
We plan to provide drinks for the kids and there's a cafe on site that will be open if parents want to stay.
WIBU to allow him to invite all the friends he wants and skip the catering?!

OP posts:
Justontherightsideofnormal · 17/01/2017 14:04

Just make a note on invite for parents to feed their child tea before the party as only drinks will be provided.......... That's an ideal party idea for me as so many children have allergies/selective eating and you don't have to worry about catering Smile . Children can cope quite well without eating for an hour and a half !

Oblomov17 · 17/01/2017 14:06

I couldn't cope with 50 kids, skating.

Oblomov17 · 17/01/2017 14:09

But I don't like these type places where you pay for the party but then can't bring anything yourself. yes I know there is a restaurant. yes I know they want you to buy their food.

but what would they actually do if you turned up with some drinks and crisps and gave them to the kids?
Are they going to ban you? Remove said drinks? I would just get my big burly husband to give them a sharp stare and just ignore them if anyone came up to say anything!!

PrimalLass · 17/01/2017 14:10

I just did cake and cartons of juice at DD's party (climbing).

Underthemoonlight · 17/01/2017 14:12

My oldest is 8 my second oldest is 3 she was the one who was invited to a party on a Sunday evening that finished late we didn't attend due to the time as it wasn't convient as it run into her bed time. We don't cater our home life to a child's birthday party no if it's at a time when it's convient and my dd is friends with a child and wants to go that's different.

No parent would sent their child to a party without a gift there is an unspoken expection of a gift. I think doing such a physical activity does call for some food to be provided if your hosting a party personally I'm of the opinion that involves food and cake. I'm sure many other parents would agree. If my 8 year old had been invited to a party and he would be expecting food and would must definitely be Hungary after this activity.

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/01/2017 14:17

I think I must be living on a different world to everyone else!

Mealtimes that cant possibly be moved for one hour to accomodate an activity the child would love to attend. Family time that cannot be sacrificed once for said activity. 7:45pm is too late for a 9 year old to be out on a school night. Parties in the evening must include an evening meal (FFS!) and the giving of a gift is dependent on the provision of suitable food.

In my world the kid gets soup and a sandwich about 5 ish, goes to party, takes gift, has great time, comes home knackered and goes straight to bed. Job done. I like my way better, far less angst.

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 17/01/2017 14:18

The drinks provided are going to be large jugs of squash/water and and endless supply of party cups (so the kids don't have to remember which is their cup or where they put it).

In terms of adults there'll be me, DH, DSis plus my parents and possibly my brother! Assuming 50 kids all accept that's 10 to 1 ratio without any other adults staying.

We can all be places other than on the rink as the venue provide rink marshals.

I'm almost certain that other adults will stay as I'm good friends with a few of the parents and they tend to stay but I'm not concerned if not.

There's also only one exit (not counting alarmed fire exits but it'd be really obvious if kids tried to leave through them) so it'll be fairly easy to keep an eye out in that respect.

OP posts:
Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 17/01/2017 14:22

I like your way too @Pyongyang! I've also got two DDs, they are 6 and 2, they'll be at the party too although 2 year old won't be skating and having a "late" night as they have often done in the past.

OP posts:
Oblomov17 · 17/01/2017 14:25

I'm with kipper.
Zero angst.

TransformersRobotsInDaSky · 17/01/2017 14:28

I can't believe how many people think this is a problem. As long as you let parents know on the invite I think it's absolutely fine.

Oblomov17 · 17/01/2017 14:29

Christ on a bike 🚴 rollerskate

Once in a blue moon a child goes to bed 1/2 an hour later than normal. Because of a party or other reason celebration.

Stop the world. I want to get off.

HenBarrow · 17/01/2017 14:30

I think it's fine to do without food, but do provide drinks ( and few bowls of crisps/popcorn if poss) as they'll get thirsty and peckish skating. Make sure it's clear on invite that it's just party and cake, no food. Round here whole class, under 2hr parties never involve food, small group or 2hr parties always do. No idea why, just seems to be unspoken rule!

chipsandchilli · 17/01/2017 14:30

I don't think 19.45 is late either, my primary aged kids go to the youth club for 7-12 year old's on a school night which finishes at 8pm. The youth club i used to go to in primary school finished at 8.30pm. The swimming club on a school night finishes at 8pm. That just seems to be the time most thing's for junior aged kids is on where i am.

CommunionHelp · 17/01/2017 14:31

To be honest, OP, you've had lots of replies, there's perhaps roughly a 50/50 split, but you've seemed fairly certain throughout that despite the AIBU, your decision was made from the outset!

I'm sure it will be fine and everyone will have a good time.

brownpurse · 17/01/2017 14:31

Agree Pyong some people are so inflexible .

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/01/2017 14:38

Its quite sad really.

Sometimes the best fun can be had by saying "oh sod the routine, lets do X"

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 17/01/2017 14:48

@communion you're right, I was always leaning towards the "loads of kids/no food" option. I just wanted to gauge what kind of response I might need to expect and wondered if I was missing a way around it (which seems to be a good quality paper party bag with snacks in for afterwards).

I suppose as with everything some people will go with the flow and others will just decline the invitation.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 17/01/2017 14:49

I would just get my big burly husband to give them a sharp stare

How lovely of you to think intimidating staff is OK Hmm

user1480528906 · 17/01/2017 14:58

I had a similar problem last year, had exclusive use but adding catering made it really expensive, they wouldn't allow any food brought in and also had cafe on site.
Mine was also a bit of a random time so wasn't sure how many would eat.

The place we used ended up agreeing to cater for about 2 thirds of the expected turnout but plate it all up as a buffet instead of individual plates so the kids could help themselves if they wanted.

Ended up fine, even had some food leftover!

ElfingHeck · 17/01/2017 15:00

I've noticed a lot of activity parties that 9yo DS goes to don't cater any more - usually they just get a treat of some sort (sweets/cake etc.) as they leave. Seems fine to me. Party 'teas' with 9yo boys tend to descend into food fights (here, anyway) which I think is why parents are stopping doing them! I fully intend to do the same!

TheMysteriousJackelope · 17/01/2017 15:01

I think strict etiquette is you serve food if the party/wedding reception/event goes over a normal mealtime. I don't think 8 p.m. is a normal meal time for many families with 9 year old children so you should be fine, although I would do drinks and cake. I would let people know just in case someone is counting on getting pizza or sandwiches as well.

user1480528906 · 17/01/2017 15:05

According t my OH we actually only paid for about half expected, all crisps went in big bowls, sandwiches were split and put on serving plates and jugs of water/juice on the table.

There are always some kids who don't eat much at parties and I made sure it was on the invite that it would be 'light' food so no one was expecting much! Also did party bags with some extras in for after.
Seemed a good compromise.

midsummabreak · 17/01/2017 15:07

Less angst with fewer children per party
Some say, have the same number of children at the party that correlates to the child's age. I understand that the venue requires a minimum number of children per party, but expectations are very high for 50 children to attend a 9 y o party.

With less children, your child may actually have more fun
He will struggle to interact with 50 children in the space of 90 mins.

I wonder if he will still request 50 people per party in coming years after experiencing this.

midsummabreak · 17/01/2017 15:12

Then again, opening 10 presents compared to opening 50....

tootsietoo · 17/01/2017 15:13

I would be really pleased for the children to get a party invitation for an activity only and no food. Agree with Pyongyang, feed them something at 5pm, then they're good to go and can have a piece of toast or something when they get home if they want. I think it would be great to be able to let him ask everyone he wants, no upset children because they're missing it, and they get to rush around having fun for an hour and a half with no stopping for junk food!