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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I not have posted this?

148 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 15/01/2017 21:06

Had a great weekend... had really good news after a long time waiting for it, saw lots of friends we haven't seen in a while, my DD with Sen who we thought would never potty train actually went by herself!! And had a big family roast at my mums to celebrate the news.

I am not one to usually post a picture of my dinner... I think I put on a Christmas dinner picture and a stew burnt pot disaster in the past but it's rare, but I posted it saying what a great weekend, and nothing like a roast cooked by your mum... or words to that effect.

Then a friend of mine whos mum died several years ago sent an inbox saying 'I wouldn't know.'

Now I feel terrible... WIBU? Blush

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 15/01/2017 22:32

Oh come on adeyj. Did you miss the op saying she's normally lovely? She's not a bitch who should be cut out if the op's life. Have you never reacted in a way you wish you hadn't?

UnbornMortificado · 15/01/2017 22:35

Slightly different example but:

Sometimes I get a jolt with scan photos and newborn pictures (particularly boys) but that is my issues. I can hardly request that my friends don't post any references to there children.

So short answer YANBU to post it, SINBU to get a bit upset SIBU to make anyone feel bad.

Hope that made sense.

seven201 · 15/01/2017 22:37

Gosh. Sounds like she was caught at a bad moment and will probably regret what she sent. My mum died a couple of years ago and if I saw your post I'd have a short pang of jealousy but also ogle the food! Well done to your dd!

Whocansay · 15/01/2017 22:43

I lost my mum 3 years ago. It wouldn't even occur to me to be upset by a post like that. Everyone's lives are different. You did nothing wrong. At all.

NavyandWhite · 15/01/2017 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ollycat · 15/01/2017 22:48

Of course you weren't being unreasonable- my mum is sadly not alive but I can see no reason why others should not post about theirs!

Your friend sounds not very nice!

babychamcherryb · 15/01/2017 22:55

Offended by a roast dinner.
Tell her to turn vegan if she enjoys that.

FrancisCrawford · 15/01/2017 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Adeyj · 15/01/2017 23:01

I think OP is bulled by the person and is too soft to know. life is too short. no friend would say such a thing.

PurpleDaisies · 15/01/2017 23:02

I think OP is bulled by the person and is too soft to know. life is too short. no friend would say such a thing.

Nonsense. Friends are people. People aren't perfect.

TeethDrama · 15/01/2017 23:07

Not RTWT but if she's a good friend I would take that as her feeling sad and reaching out rather than having a go at you.

PovertyPain · 15/01/2017 23:09

Awk, OP. I'm sorry your friend has spoiled your happy day. You have every right to enjoy your little one's huge achievement. My joy knows no bounds when my youngest does something that is typical behaviour of a young person. Don't let her bring your mood down. Hopefully she will realise she's being very silly, sending that message.

I still rush past any posts regarding happy families, I'm NC with mine. I lost my dear, sweet husband nearly two years ago not not a day goes past when it doesn't hurt. I see posts from friends celebrating their anniversaries or making tongue in check comments, about relationships, but I just scroll past. Yes, it hurts, but that's my issue, not theirs.

Enjoy this milestone with your sweet, child. 💐🍾

Adeyj · 15/01/2017 23:09

Maybe I missed the post where this women apologised. Not sure I did. Not sure why people put up with such terrible behaviour under the idea of friendship. Friends don't purposely made you feel bad. Maybe OP I'd cull them and focus on people who can be happy for you. People put up with some terrible friends.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 15/01/2017 23:15

Adeyj you must be very insightful indeed to have gleaned all of that from the OP Hmm

To me it sounds more like this lady was having a tough time, possibly a glass or two of wine, the OP's post just tipped her over the edge and she said something that she's probably now kicking herself for.

I think the decent thing to do is to get in touch and see if she's ok. Say that her comment seemed a bit out of character and you're worried.

It doesn't make somebody a terrible friend (much less a bully!) to say something rash when they're having a tough time. It does make someone a terrible friend to just write that person off for one comment when they're clearly struggling. Adeyj I hope your friends are more forgiving and accommodating than you yourself seem to be if you ever find yourself in a bad place.

Adeyj · 15/01/2017 23:18

I love how you all think the best of this 'friend'. When I suspect the truth is somewhere nearer bitch and bully.

BravoPanda · 15/01/2017 23:19

Tell her sorry you didn't mean to offend, but to sod off, frankly. And if she fells the need to talk because she's down then you're there to listen but that's not the way to approach it. What a self pitying silly thing to do. Hmm

Everyone's parents leave them at some point.

PurpleDaisies · 15/01/2017 23:19

I love how you think you know the op's friend better than her, despite how she has actually me her... Hmm

Hissy · 15/01/2017 23:20

Friends don't do that.

My mum and are No Contact, I see all sorts of fluffy stuff about mums, and families and it cuts my heart to ribbons.

No once has it, or would it ever occur to me to be such a complete bitch to a person with a normal mum, a normal family.

I LIKE to see people live happy. THATS what friends do.

Ignore the 'friend' give her the opportunity to realise she's been a complete dick, and if she doesn't, put a bit of distance between you both.

Adeyj · 15/01/2017 23:22

hope your friends are more forgiving and accommodating than you yourself seem to be if you ever find yourself in a bad place

I would never send such a message to any of my friends. Not even consider it and neither would they. Maybe in my late 49s I've culled nasty people from my life and focus on the 20 odd people that make me happy. It's highly recommended.

DixieNormas · 15/01/2017 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 15/01/2017 23:33

Has she ever posted anything about her kids doing something or other that your Dd will never be able to do (because of her SEN). Because if so then she is a bit of a hypocrite really.

My Dd was a very late walker and I can remember a really good friend of mine posting something along the lines of "four real live steps" about her ds who is a few months younger than Dd at a time when Dd couldn't stand. It did sting. But I didn't say a word. I accepted that it was something amazing in her world and I was glad that she didn't have to worry about her child not walking.

JanisNedob · 15/01/2017 23:48

Adeyj it must be exhausting being so aggressive

Why not just be kind?

Italiangreyhound · 16/01/2017 00:48

MaryPoppinsPenguins you were not being unreasonable to post a picture of your dinner or talk about your mum.

In your shoes I'd ask if your friend is OK. And offer to chat. But it is totally not your fault she is upset.

BarbarianMum · 16/01/2017 00:55

What a lot of vitriol towards a person whose grieving and dared let a friend know - selfish, inappropriate, hyocrite, complete bitch Shock No wonder the bereaved complain they feel utterly silenced. Sad

OP you did nothing wrong and I'm sorry if you feel your friend did. I'm sure she wasn't meaning to upset you.

ExplodedCloud · 16/01/2017 01:09

No yanbu. I couldn't post anything involving any member of my family if I had to police everyone's feelings. Or indeed my dinner so as not to offend vegans.
I hope she's just having a moment. Maybe reply tomorrow (unless she gets in first with a sorry) to ask if you accidentally hit a nerve?

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