Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I not have posted this?

148 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 15/01/2017 21:06

Had a great weekend... had really good news after a long time waiting for it, saw lots of friends we haven't seen in a while, my DD with Sen who we thought would never potty train actually went by herself!! And had a big family roast at my mums to celebrate the news.

I am not one to usually post a picture of my dinner... I think I put on a Christmas dinner picture and a stew burnt pot disaster in the past but it's rare, but I posted it saying what a great weekend, and nothing like a roast cooked by your mum... or words to that effect.

Then a friend of mine whos mum died several years ago sent an inbox saying 'I wouldn't know.'

Now I feel terrible... WIBU? Blush

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 15/01/2017 21:36

My friend lost her dad, suddenly and young, a few years ago. A year or so later my dad had a health scare. She showed concern and asked about him, as friends do! It was only when I thought about it I realised it might have been hard for her.

WyfOfBathe · 15/01/2017 21:39

YANBU. If we never posted anything about relations who other people have lost or don't have we would never be able to post anything.

elodie2000 · 15/01/2017 21:39

YANBU. She was being nasty to you. Do people who have lost parents send messages like that to anyone who writes something nice about spending time with their Mum/ Dad? No they don't.
She might have been having a bad day but she had no right to try to make you feel bad for being treated by your Mum.

PickledCauliflower · 15/01/2017 21:40

It's unreasonable of her to expect people to never mention their mothers.
It's not very realistic really.

EweAreHere · 15/01/2017 21:42

While I'm sorry that your friend appears to be struggling with the loss of her mum, she was unreasonable to send you that message. She also knows this, as otherwise she would have made the comment for everyone to see on your actual FB page rather than messaging you.

Perhaps she's having a bad day/week. Maybe you could ask her to meet up with you for a tea/coffee or a walk later in the week?

BillSykesDog · 15/01/2017 21:45

If she's not sent it by mistake I would suspect she was pissed and maudlin.

Highalert · 15/01/2017 21:47

Pissed facebooking never ends well.

laurzj82 · 15/01/2017 21:49

As someone whose mum has died very recently, you were 100% NBU. Ridiculous

Soozikinzi · 15/01/2017 21:50

She must have been having a bad day it was a personal message so she wasn't out to embarrass you .I lost my father as a child and sometimes Found difficult to see dads walking daughters up the aisle etc but I wouldn't have commented like that putting a downer on a happy time for your family xx I think if you just reply thinking of you and let me know if you need a chat that would suffice.

LagunaBubbles · 15/01/2017 21:52

She messaged you that? That's designed to make you feel bad!

MrsNuckyThompson · 15/01/2017 21:53

Your friend's a dick. Soz.

Damselindestress · 15/01/2017 21:54

YANBU at all! You did absolutely nothing wrong. I actually feel annoyed for you, she's deliberately put a damper on a nice day for you. My dad is deceased and I was devastated at the time and still find dates like father's day difficult but I don't expect people to never mention their dads! I'm happy to hear when a friend has had a nice day with their family. Facebook is for keeping up with what's going on in friends lives. Sounds like she could benefit from some bereavement counselling to address any unresolved issues but I don't know if you are close enough to suggest that without upsetting her. It's sad she feels that way but making digs at people for mentioning their mothers won't make her feel better.

kissmethere · 15/01/2017 21:54

it sounds like she wants you to feel guilty for writing that. Does se do this to everyone?

Original poster
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 15/01/2017 21:55

Shes not a dick though, genuinely. She must be having a bad day.

OP posts:
Highalert · 15/01/2017 21:58

If she's usually ok l wouldn't make it into a big deal.

People will call her all sorts of names on here though.

BertieBotts · 15/01/2017 21:59

She probably is having a bad day. Don't take down the picture. Ask if she's okay or give her a call if you feel up to chatting? Or just ignore it for now and reply another time.

Musicaltheatremum · 15/01/2017 21:59

My husband died 5 years ago. I have bad days and hate what some people say sometimes but I can't stop the rest of the world from turning. It's hard but no, you shouldn't feel guilty

ReasonsToBeModeratelyHappy · 15/01/2017 22:04

She's being overly touchy - even if it had been very recent (and it wasn't), you didn't send a message to her, it was a general post, and she needs to realise that it was not a personal attack, and there are still mums in the world.
My DM died a few years back, and there is no way I would have made a comment like that ifsomeonementioned their DM; a colleague moaned to me about having to spend Xmas with his DM the following Xmas, when he knew mine had died that year - I remember thinking it was pretty insensitive, but not worth commenting on. Your post was not like that tho anyway, its'not your fault.

I'd try to set aside the discomfort of her reproaching you tho, if you're fond of her, and try to talk with her about how she's feeling generally, as it seems a bit as if she's low and looking for someone to tell about it.

Roseandbee · 15/01/2017 22:04

My dad died not long before fathers day, and I wanted to scream at all the adverts on tv in the supermarket and spam emails asking me "what are you getting your dad for fathers day this year???" but people posting pics of their fathers day wouldn't have bothered me so you haven't done anything wrong at all, It was 8 years ago when my dad died and since then i've had to put up with people asking me if i'm going to my parents for christmas & correct people who haven't used the past tense, so you def get used to it and i don't get angry at anyone for their slipups i try and brush over them as quick as i can so they don't feel bad. Its more likely that maybe your friend was in a low mood and wanted to talk or something otherwise they're not a great friend to be trying to guilt trip you somehow.

NavyandWhite · 15/01/2017 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

augustusglupe · 15/01/2017 22:11

No you were not wrong. I lost my Dad, mum and then my brother. I'm still fairly young to have lost so many people, but I can honestly say that I know life goes on and everyone goes through something at some time or another. You can't feel guilty for having a mum. Your friend was venting what I sometimes, deep down feel. But that's life. Carry on being yourself and don't feel in any way responsible for her reaction. We all have sad days.

chipsnmayo · 15/01/2017 22:14

My dad when I was a teenager 20 years ago, tbh I just hide posts like that.

dowhatnow · 15/01/2017 22:19

YANBU. Life can't stop just because someone is suffering.

RubbishMantra · 15/01/2017 22:26

I lost my DH 18 months ago (unexpectedly, and young) and sometimes I get a little ouch, or if I'm honest, even a stab of jealousy, when I read a post when I see references to DHs. I would never get so worked up about it to send such a message though. You'd end up saying nothing at all if you begin censoring yourself as not to upset anyone.

Like PPs have said, perhaps she's having a rough day, and could indeed be an anniversary. Maybe message her tomorrow (not tonight), just to check in that she's OK?

Don't let it ruin your lovely and happy weekend.

Adeyj · 15/01/2017 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Swipe left for the next trending thread